THE FOUNDATION

“Virtue alone is sufficient to make a man great, glorious and happy.” –Benjamin Franklin

INSIGHT

“The real community of man, in the midst of all the self-contradictory simulacra of community, is the community of those who seek the truth.” –Allan Bloom

“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Justice is that virtue that assigns to every man his due.” –Saint Augustine

“There is a natural aristocracy among men. The grounds of this are virtue and talent.” –Thomas Jefferson

“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be.” –William Hazlitt

“I hear many condemn these men because they were so few. When were the good and the brave ever in a majority?” –Henry David Thoreau

“We have no lasting friends, no lasting enemies, only lasting interests.” –Winston Churchill

“Ammunition beats persuasion when you are looking for freedom.” –Will Rogers

“Out of the very stones [Arabs] will fabricate such a tower of falsehoods that you can only stand and gape in wonder and admiration at their fruitful invention.” –Isabel Burton

UPRIGHT

“The U.N. is a hateful and anti-Semitic mobocracy.” –Frank Gaffney

“…[The] U.N. was complicit in the kidnapping of Israelis by one of the worst terrorist organizations on earth.” – Ariel Cohen

“Never underestimate the power of bad ideas. They must be refuted again and again.” –Lew Rockwell, Jr.

“Loyalty to your country should never require you to lie about it.” –Joseph Sobran

“…[F]ree speech is rotting from the inside out.” –Jonah Goldberg

“Property rights and freedom of contract are especially important to unpopular minorities, who otherwise might have no escape from the tyranny of the majority.” –Jacob Sullum

“And soon, thanks to American pressure, Yasser Arafat should be free to resume his bloody career. The deal is simple: He’ll pretend not to be a terrorist and we’ll pretend to believe him.” –Paul Greenberg

“Arafat has been like Lucy with the football, treating the rest of the world as Charlie Brown.” –Jim Woolsey

“Weakness is provocative, and defeat can be a wonderful teacher.” –Mona Charen

“No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the sources of our troubles, we shouldn’t test for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” –P.J. O'Rourke

“Deliver us from people so in love with their own moral passion that they think they are entitled to break the law.” –John Leo

EDITORIAL EXEGESIS

“President Bush says he’ll sign one of the porkiest farm bills in history, but it’s worth noting the way many Congressional Republicans are holding their noses at the prospect. At least some of the GOP leadership has reasserted its small-government principles by quietly repudiating last week’s House-Senate $173 billion farm spending spree. … These votes were meant to send a message to the public, and we can only hope the President heard it too. The Administration seems singlemindedly focused on shoveling enough money at farm states to win back Republican control of the Senate. … But in the process Mr. Bush is often ignoring his natural philosophical supporters in the House; he did it last year on education and so far this year on campaign finance and now on the farm bill. Someone might want to tell Karl Rove that a Senate victory will be pyrrhic if President Bush manages to alienate his GOP base, voter turnout falls as a result and Republicans lose the House in the process.” –Wall Street Journal

DEZINFORMATSIA

From the “Air Sickness” Department: “I don’t feel safer. Airplanes is [sic] one of the few places I feel safe from guns. Having some pilot who’s gone off his nut for some reason running around with a gun does not make me feel safe.” –ABC’s Cokie Roberts **And flying disarmed but with terrorist hijackers who haven’t “gone off their nut” does make her feel safer?

From the “Who’s the Real Dr. Demento?” Files: “We didn’t win the war in Afghanistan…. I don’t care that George Bush doesn’t know much, but the people around him should know more who don’t seem to know more. … We’ve got a Secretary of Defense who thinks he’s Woody Allen.” –New Yorker journalist Seymour Hersh

From the “Garbage In – Garbage Out” Department: “[The Kennedys are a] most amazing family…in which a deliberate call to service inspired this family to produce a President, three senators, three congressmen, three ambassadors, and of course, they’re not only politicians. They’re authors, businesspeople and environmentalists” –ABC’s Claire Shipman

From the “Department of Corrections”: “One item today about the Jenin refugee camp to which Mr. Arafat referred: The international human rights organization, Human Rights Watch, said today the evidence suggests that the Israeli Army committed war crimes in the military operation there, but the group, which has been studying in the camp for several days, found no evidence to support claims that the army massacred hundreds of Palestinians.” –Peter Jennings

SOCIOCRATS

“The extent to which Republicans pander to Latinos never ceases to amaze me. First, the GOP announced they would teach their members to speak Spanish so they could better communicate their disastrous record with the Hispanic community – in two languages.” –DNC Chief Sociocrat Terry McAuliffe

Recounting the recount of the recounted recount: “The last elected President of the United States.” –New York Demo. Rep. Charlie Rangel introducing Bill Clinton

From “Slick’s Speaker Bureau”: “We do consider creative, thoughtful offers, but it’s just not something we’re going to pursue. His first priority is finishing his book and working on the foundation. It doesn’t mean you don’t have informal meetings.” –Clinton spokeswoman Julia Payne **We aren’t sure but that Mr. Clinton’s “first priority” is pursuing, uh, “informal meetings.”

From the “Not Ready For Primetime (Yet)” Files: “You spoke about ‘The Erections,’ Pat [Conroy]. Jean [Auel] wrote about a Homo erectus, I believe. I just want you to know he’s not stiff.” –Tipper Gore gesturing toward her man Al at the weekend trade show BookExpo America. To which, former VP Al Gore replied, “I think our time is up. …They’re not hearing anything you’re saying. They’re wondering what you meant.”

From the “Garbage In – Garbage Out” Department: “Our parents made it very clear to all of us that nothing we do, whatever we do in our careers, whatever our careers may be, aren’t going to be as important as how our children turn out….” –Senator Ted Kennedy **Too bad Theodward’s parents did not practice what they preach!

VILLAGE IDIOTS

From the “$hakedown” Files: “This is the key that opens the door to insurance companies and banks involved in the slave trade.” –Je$$e Ja¢k$on on California’s requirement that insurance companies release information on antique policies pertinent to slavery

From the “Getting The Big Picture” Department: This week’s “Village Ignorati” Award: “The small businesspeople are the rednecks that run the town and suppress the people. F*** ‘em all. That’s how I feel.” –Film producer Michael Moore

This week’s “Clintonista Hollywonk” Award: “I am a hope-to-die, carry-me-out-in-a-box Democrat.” –Alec Baldwin

From the “Village Academic Curriculum” Files: When California’s Stanford University went recruiting for a new football coach, Nebraska Assistant Coach Ron Brown got an interview, but not much else. Stanford Assistant Athletic Director Alan Glenn explained that the problem was Brown is a dedicated Christian, which “was definitely something that had to be considered. We’re a very diverse community with a diverse alumni. Anything that would stand out that much is something that has to be looked at….” Brown responded, “If I’d been discriminated against for being Black, they never would have told me that. They had no problem telling me it was because of my Christian beliefs.”

SHORT CUTS

“These days, air travel makes me look longingly at Greyhound buses. It makes me look longingly at being dragged behind a motorcycle.” –Fred Reed

“Everyone’s got an idea for what it [the proposed Bill Clinton TV talk show] should be called: The XXX-Files, West Schwiiiiing!, etc. Rush Limbaugh thinks the tagline should be 'A No Stain Zone.’ The Washington Post’s Lloyd Grove offers ‘Who Wants to Be a Pardonee?’ ” –Jonah Goldberg

“The sudden popularity of the Palestinian suicide bomber really is very puzzling. Apparently it is socially approved behavior in many neighborhoods. That ought to appeal to the more extreme wings of the world population control movement.” –R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.

“You know, those Arabs out there, they’re not gonna believe anything you do. They don’t believe the other tapes we got of Osama bin Laden. They all say it’s fake. Isn’t that annoying? You get these tapes, here’s Osama and they go, ‘No, you faked it. The United States faked it.’ It’s like trying to convince the Democrats they really lost the election.” –Drew Carey

“Is it true the homeless in San Francisco are offended when people mistake them for Palestinian diplomats?” –Norman Liebmann

“Liquid Papering-out this week the ICC treaty’s American signature, affixed by the Clinton administration … ranks up there with sensible decisions in behalf of the national interest.” –Bill Murchison

“A little boy has a special spot in his dad’s heart. Sometimes it’s indigestion or gas, but it’s still special.” –Joe Weasel

“If you’ve ever talked to a captured Arab who hasn’t smoked for two hours, a pack of smokes can get you a long way.” –Instructor at the U.S. Army interrogation school, Fort Huachuca

“Wiley’s Dictionary: Contemporary – a parolee.” –Johnny Hart in the comic strip “B.C.”

“After the X-rated Clinton Years, boredom had never been more welcome. It was as if the pink flamingos had been taken off a Florida lawn, the sequins off Dolly Parton’s cowgirl costume, the fins off a ‘50s Cadillac….” –Paul Greenberg

“A senator whose name was McCain, Once ran for president – in vain. The size of his loss was so heavy a cross, It drove him completely insane.” –Lyn Nofziger

Jay Leno…. It was quiet in the Mideast over the weekend. I guess everyone went to see “Spider-Man” in the theater. …. The Afghan chief of military intelligence said today that Osama bin Laden is still alive and well. That’s good news – we can still kill him! …. Some Catholic priests are now wanting to do away with the all-black outfit. Some priests have already gone to orange jumpsuits. …. The French skating judge has been suspended from the Olympics for three years. That’s a tough sentence, considering the next Winter Olympics is in four years! …. Happy Birthday to Willie Nelson! He is 69 years old. He is now smoking marijuana with calcium. …. A Bill Clinton spokesman has confirmed that Clinton is talking with NBC about having his own daytime talk show. He’d have to have a daytime show – you can’t do a late-night show without a Clinton joke. …. He has a dysfunctional marriage, a brother in trouble with the law, and all these affairs – he is a daytime talk show. He could be his own guest! …. Bill Clinton has rejected the NBC offer for a daytime talk show. How do you think this makes NBC feel? This is the guy that hit on Paula Jones! …. A Clinton spokesman said that his first priority is completing his book right now. Which for Clinton could take a long time, because he has several versions of the same story. …. The National Science Society has announced that 70% of Americans do not understand science. The other 30% do not understand what 70% means. …. Here’s an interesting fact. Ever since the war began in Afghanistan, we have dropped more than 2.5 million Pop Tarts there – which would be a good idea if they had toasters!

David Letterman…. Top Ways Saddam Hussein Celebrated His 65th Birthday: Played “Pin the Electrode on the Imprisoned Dissident”; Passed out custom-made “Happy Birthday” berets; 65 shots of yager, dude!; Opened millions of identical “Happy Birthday Saddam” cards from citizens forced to buy and mail them; Got an ugly tie from his son-in-law. Had him executed; Wolfed down one mother of a free omelet at Denny’s; Hired Sammy Hagar to perform “I Can’t Drive 55”; Blew out candles on his “Fudgie The Goat” cake; Nice quiet dinner with his new wife, Liza Minnelli; Reflected on being a year closer to spending eternity in hell.

Argus Hamilton…. Newsweek says it’s learned that Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in Pakistan. Sources say he’s trimmed his beard and appears to be healthier than ever. There’s nothing like running every day to keep you looking and feeling great. …. Yasser Arafat emerged from a month’s captivity, shaking and defiant and angry, to be interviewed on ABC Nightline. It was one nervous interview. Everyone ran for cover when he told Ted Koppel there’s something he had to get off his chest. …. President Bush raised millions for the California GOP at a dinner in Silicon Valley. Everybody at the banquet dined on free-range chicken. It was just a coincidence that Yasser Arafat was released from confinement that day. …. Congress on Tuesday dismissed eleven teenage House pages who had been caught in possession of marijuana by local authorities. They can’t ignore the laws of the land just because they work on Capitol Hill. They have to be elected to do that. …. Al Gore raised money for Governor Gray Davis in California Monday. Residents were urged to use appliances late at night and turn off extra lights. Al Gore and Gray Davis together in the same room is the mother of all electricity shortages.