From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

President Obama holds a golf summit on the budget Sunday with Speaker Boehner, Ohio’s Governor John Kasich and Joe Biden, with the U.S. economy at stake. They can’t waste time. Forbes magazine just listed the top ten industries in America and begging is up to number three.

Alabama enacted a tough law cracking down on illegal immigration. Its passage required a legislative compromise. The bill couldn’t be passed until black people agreed to pick the cotton crop in even years and white people agreed to pick the cotton crop in odd years.

Mexico threatened economic reprisal against the U.S. over Alabama’s immigration law. They are a huge trading partner with tremendous natural resources. In addition to producing oil, beer, tequila silver and strawberries, Mexico is the number-one producer of Americans.

Libya’s leader Moammar Khadaffi celebrated his sixtieth birthday with his friends and family members in his compound on Tuesday. He turned down the idea of a costume party for his birthday. He was afraid the guests who were dressed like U.S. Navy SEALs might not be in costume.

Congress passed a military funding bill banning the use of any taxpayer money in Libya. The same day Britain’s government followed suit. This means that for Moammar Khadaffi to be overthrown, France and Italy are going to have to win their first war since the Renaissance.

President Obama urged Anthony Weiner to resign after naked photos of the congressman surfaced on Twitter. That’s not all. Bill Clinton also expressed his disappointment, telling Weiner that back in his day, he’d make them get a court order if they wanted to see a photo of it.

U.S. Rep Anthony Weiner remained in rehab Thursday as his wife Huma returned from her overseas State Department trip. The sex rehab facility is surrounded by overgrown trees and shaggy shrubbery. Just the sight of hedge clippers causes all the patients to run out the front gate.

A Lufthansa Airlines flight from Madrid to Frankfort was interrupted by a man who took off his clothes and stood naked in front of other passengers. What he did was an international crime. If convicted he may get ten to twelve years in the House of Representatives.

Warren Buffett participated in a charity auction and he sold a one-on-one lunch with himself for two million dollars. People think he’ll give them the best investment tip in the history of the world. He’ll look across the table and tell them to sell their houses five years ago.

Major League Baseball warned teams that play in Chicago to take security precautions. Flash mobs of street gangs have been robbing shoppers downtown and looting the stores on the North Side. Every city conducts its earthquake preparedness drills in its own way.

California was ranked the least-friendly state in the nation for business in a survey of all fifty states. The state’s businessmen are shackled by high business taxes and prohibitive environmental rules. The only thing that’s selling is pot and it’s not legal to make a profit on it.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban upset his players Tuesday when he said he may give them something besides NBA championship rings. He’s been spending too much time in L.A. You can give a man a ring in Texas and it doesn’t mean you’re engaged like it does in California.

President Obama blamed automation for the loss of U.S. jobs Monday, citing ATM machines and airline kiosks. He’s very upset. He just found out that ATM machines and airline kiosks don’t count as employees for the purpose of calculating health insurance fines on big businesses.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store