Burt Prelutsky

Many years ago, through odd circumstances, I broke up with one young woman who had a parrot only to take up with another young woman who had a parrot. You might assume I worked in an exotic bird store, but it was just one of those coincidences that sometimes happen even to people who don't put much stock in such things.

The thing that confused me at the time was why anyone would ever want to share their home with one of those creatures. I am referring to the parrots, not the young women. Even though I didn't live with the ladies, on various occasions, when they had to go out of town, it became my responsibility to feed the birds and change their water. And every time I did, I came under attack.

As I say, that was a long time ago, but I only recently figured out what purpose the parrots served. It was to prepare these women to one day be the mothers of teenagers. After all, parrots are notorious for their lousy personalities and their general lack of hygiene. When you factor in their lack of gratitude, which they displayed by attacking me, the person commissioned to provide them with food and water, you can see how closely they resemble an ordinary American teenager.

Another group they very much remind me of are liberals. Just consider a typical group of Occupy Wall Streeters with their screeching, their filth and their repetitious parroting of inane slogans. Stick them on their perches, glue a few colorful feathers on them, and you could fool a team of ornithologists.

For instance, Obama's people invented a fictional woman they chose to call Julia. They used her to point out how Julia advances from the age of three to 67 by constantly depending on the largesse of Obama and the American taxpayer to survive. I suppose the subliminal message is that Obama not only has to be re-elected this November, but a lot of additional Novembers to get Julia through to her 67th birthday. At that point, I assume that Obama's death panel will decide that Julia has lived long enough and is not entitled to undergo heart surgery.

Eric Holder defended the Department of Justice spending millions of dollars prosecuting Roger Clemens for a second time because lying to Congress about his alleged use of human growth hormones was such a serious offense. It just happened to be on the same day that a congressional committee considered citing Holder for contempt for refusing to release documents relating to Operation Fast and Furious.

Apparently we are saddled with an attorney general who thinks getting to the bottom of whether or not Clemens was juiced when he shut out the Minnesota Twins 10 years ago is more important than a gun-running operation that resulted in a U.S. border guard being murdered with one of those guns.

Obama, who quite naturally refuses to run on his record, is, instead, insisting that he needs another four years to finish the job. But because of the near-universal disapproval of ObamaCare, the trillion dollar stimulus, the additional six trillion dollars of debt and his anti-Israel position, he's in the weird position of not being able to tell us exactly what this job is that he wishes to keep doing.

Perhaps he's alluding to the greater flexibility he promised Medvedev he'd have after the election. Still, after refusing to provide Poland and the Czech Republic with an anti-missile defense system and promising to decimate our nuclear arsenal, I bet even Putin is scratching his head, trying to figure out what Santa Obama could possibly have in mind. The blue prints for a drone? The green light to roll Russian tanks back into Georgia, Azerbaijan and the Ukraine? Or perhaps just the deed to Alaska?

Although Obama and his flunkies keep referring to the economy he inherited as the worst since the Great Depression, the fact is that the economy that Reagan inherited from Jimmy Carter was pretty awful. In 1980, the rate of inflation was 13.58% and unemployment was 7.18%, which translated to 20.76 on the misery index. In 2012, inflation is around 3% and although, according to the feds, unemployment is hovering around 8.1%, we all know that underemployment combined with the people who have simply stopped looking for work would raise the actual number to about 15%, making for a miserable, Carter-like, 18% on the misery index.

If Romney poses the question Reagan posed in 1980, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago," just about everyone who's not on Obama's payroll would have to answer with a resounding "No!"

Finally, because I am a frequent viewer of Fox, it's my curse in life to see Juan Williams nearly every time I tune in to Bret Baier's "Special Report," Bill O'Reilly's "The Factor" and Chris Wallace's "Fox News Sunday." I can only assume that he possesses incriminating photos of Roger Ailes.

His singular role on Fox seems to be to spin like a top for the Obama administration and parrot excuses for the man's endless string of failures.

The fact is, Juan Williams expends so much effort carrying Barack Obama's water, I just hope for his sake that he never leaves home without his truss.