Burt Prelutsky

As some of you know, I tried for months to get Team Romney to put me on the writing staff. Although I saw signs of Reagan in Romney's decency and good nature, the things I didn't find were those memorable lines in his speeches that conveyed both his sense of humor and his vision for America.

But that was then and this is now. I no longer want to be merely Romney's speechwriter; I want to be what is known as a senior campaign advisor. I want him to dump this guy Eric Fehrnstrom and give me the job. It's not just that I'm uncertain whether America can survive another four years of Obama, and it's not just that I have a five dollar bet on Romney, it's this gut feeling I have that Fehrnstrom is a mole working for the other side.

The first time I even became aware that this guy existed was when he went on a TV talk show and mentioned an Etch-a-Sketch campaign. The upside is that it hiked sales for the toy, but, unfortunately, it also provided Romney's primary opponents with a prop with which they pummeled him. At the time, I told my wife that in the future, Romney should make certain that Fehrnstrom is never again allowed to appear on TV and that his future responsibilities be limited to pizza runs for the grown-ups.

Instead, I woke up one morning recently to find this chucklehead insisting that ObamaCare is a penalty, not a tax. Thanks to Chief Justice Roberts, Romney and all the other Democrats running for election this November were handed a campaign issue to end all campaign issues, and Fehrnstrom decided to spend his time trying to defend RomneyCare. Perhaps someone should remind this schmuck that Mitt Romney isn't running for governor of Massachusetts. Nobody cares what he did there. Except for those people who happen to live in Massachusetts, it's a non-issue, and, for all I know, those goofballs like RomneyCare.

It does raise the question: What is the difference between a senior campaign advisor and a rutabaga? Answer: The difference is that the rutabaga wouldn't do everything in its power to sabotage the guy who owns the farm.

Another question is why the Republicans feel this need to employ people with unpronounceable names. I mean, compared to RNC honcho Reince Priebus and senior campaign turncoat Eric Fehrnstrom, "Prelutsky" is as easy as pie.

Although I still believe that in spite of surrounding himself with a certain number of incompetents, Romney will be elected this November, the downside is that the riffraff who answer to Obama won't simply vanish from the scene. A number of his adjutants, including Jay Carney, will no doubt wind up as big shots in the media. An even larger number will end up in academia, where the likes of Valerie Jarrett, Kathleen Sebelius and Eric Holder, will follow in the footsteps of William Ayers, Bernardine Dohrn, Angela Davis and Van Jones, poisoning the minds of the dumb and easily impressionable with left-wing claptrap.

Speaking of the Obama administration, I just learned that among the nearly 500 people taking their marching orders from Barack and Michelle is someone known as the White House calligrapher. I'm not sure what his duties are, but I imagine this person creates scrolls handed out to the various creeps, cronies and campaign contributors, that presidents inevitably refer to as distinguished friends and guests. For the fancy handiwork, this White House staffer is paid almost $100,000-a-year. Although I don't know who this person is, I'm certainly willing to bet another five dollars that he's voting for Obama. And not just once.

Because people are inclined to claim that every presidential election is the most important one in our lifetime, it's always tempting to dismiss it as mere hyperbole. But when you consider the nature of our enemies, the weapons at their disposal, and our weakened position, both economically and militarily, under Obama, I think this time it's a legitimate pronouncement.

That is why I am praying that November 6 will be the day that Obama gets his comeuppance. My joy will be unbounded, as it always is when it's someone other than myself to whom what was coming, finally gets here.

Still, even if Eric Fehrnstrom is sent packing between now and then, I know it won't be nearly as easy as it should be to defeat Barack Hussein Obama.

Frankly, it's an inscrutable mystery to me why tens of millions of Americans who have witnessed the radical transformation of America by this former-and-future community organizer are so darn eager for more of the same.

I guess this is simply one of those times when the inscrutable masses definitely should be scrute.