Burt Prelutsky

Inasmuch as Obama has suddenly begun referring to the Clinton years as the good old days, I feel it's only fair to do the same. I was not a fan of Clinton, but at least he had enough good sense to allow himself to be reined in by Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and the newly elected Republicans in 1994. By balancing the budget, reforming the welfare system and dumping HillaryCare, it even helped Clinton win re-election in '96.

Back then, I was no fan of the Democrats, but I merely thought they were all wet on the issues. In the years since, they have mutated like monsters in science fiction movies. They are no longer merely mistaken; rather, they are evil creatures against whom death rays should be employed. For the hopelessly literal-minded, I don't actually mean they should be vaporized. Instead, they should all be evicted from the White House and Congress in November. Of course if that doesn't come to pass, vaporization shouldn't be ruled out.

For those of you who remain unclear about the clear and present danger these arrogant morons pose to America, I'll remind you that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who is coming up on his 73rd birthday, had the following to say about his political opponents: "Karl Rove and the Republicans are looking forward to a breakfast the day after the election. They are going to assemble 17 angry old white men for the breakfast, some of whom will slobber in their food, some will have scrambled eggs and some will have oatmeal, because their teeth are gone. But those 17 angry old white men will say, "Hey, we just bought America. Wasn't so bad. We still have a lot of money left."

I acknowledge being an old codger, but I'm still 34 days younger than Reid, and I resent his caricature of elderly Republicans. Being blessed with all my teeth, including my rear molars, I am willing to bet that, with 32 in my mouth, I not only have more teeth than the man born to be a mortician, I have also retained more of my marbles than Senator Reid.

But, then, Reid, who owes his political career entirely to Las Vegas casino owners and Nevada's public sector unions, has always been known for his classy rhetoric. Some have even compared him to Churchill. Not Winston, of course, but Ward.

As you may have noticed, the Democrats have attacked Romney relentlessly for his connection to Bain Capital. What's odd about this is that under Romney's stewardship, Bain invested in such successful all-American enterprises as AMC Entertainment, Burger King, Domino's Pizza, Dunkin' Donuts, Toys "R" Us and Staples. Obama, on the other hand, has squandered billions of our tax dollars on Solyndra, Ener 1, Beacon Power, Abound Solar, Spectra Watt and Eastern Energy. The two things that all these green companies have in common is that they have all gone bankrupt and they were all generous contributors to Obama's election campaign in 2008.

When you compare the investment records of the two candidates, I would imagine that the expression about people who live in glass houses would inevitably spring to people's minds. But, naturally, that would be limited to those who have minds. Liberals, on the other hand, come equipped only with echo chambers that resonate with talking points supplied ad nauseam by the likes of Obama, Jay Carney, Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, David Axelrod and the aforementioned Harry Reid.

They aren't even embarrassed to parrot the same line. I mean, even if they wanted to make hay out of Romney's honest appraisal of the London Olympics, wouldn't you think that some Democrat would have come up with something besides "gaffe"? If I thought that Obama had, as usual, said something stupid, I might have said he "stuck his foot in the mouth," "tripped over his own tongue" or "foolishly opined," but once David Axelrod or one of his lap dogs in the media used "gaffe," none of the faithful dared veer off even slightly from the party line. I swear, if the Soviet dictators had been able to maintain this kind of discipline they'd still be going strong.

In the wake of the Chick-fil-A dust-up, the owners of every other fast food operation must be kicking themselves for not coming out in support of traditional marriage. In the wake of the threatened boycott by homosexuals, combined with the craven mayors of Boston, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Washington, D.C. and Chicago, all threatening to ban the franchise, it's a wonder that there's a chicken walking around anywhere in North America. Whereas people used to say that a popular item was selling like hotcakes, they now say it's selling like Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

All that Dan Cathy, the president of Chick-fil-A, did was take advantage of the First Amendment to say what the majority of Americans honestly believe. He didn't say that he wouldn't hire gays or serve gays, so for homosexuals to insist that this was somehow akin to the Civil Rights movement proves that a great many of them are not only vicious and bigoted, but lack even a smattering of commonsense.

These dumb clucks seem to believe that the First Amendment gives them the right to insult and bully with impunity. Moreover, they are convinced that, thanks entirely to their odd sexual practices, they are entitled to a special status that allows them to be America's moral arbiters.

As is typical with those on the Left, they assume, whether they're trying to put a chicken franchise operation out of business or shout down conservative speakers on college campuses, that the same Constitution that gives them the right to spew fatuous nonsense also gives them the authority to deny freedom of speech to those of us who regard them as loudmouth ninnies.

In threatening Chick-fil-A, Mayor Rahm Emanuel claimed that the company wasn't welcome in his city because it lacked Chicago values. I must confess that was a real head-scratcher. Chicago values? Try as hard as I could, the only things that came to mind were corrupt politicians; dead people getting to vote in local, state and national, elections; and having the distinction of being the "Murder Capital of America."

I know that Mr. Cathy is extremely fond of his illiterate slogan, "Eat Mor Chikin," but he might consider adopting "Our Chickens Don't Have Chicago Values."