Burt Prelutsky

At the rate at which events take place, there is simply no way to cover everything, even if you wrote a column every day instead of three a week. Still, I do my level best to stay on top of things.

For instance, in spite of all the alleged gaffes the left-wing press accused Mitt Romney of having made during his time abroad, I thought he was terrific. First, he gave the Brits an honest answer when he was asked about the Olympics. Who would have ever guessed that the folks who stood up to the Nazi blitz would fall completely apart over an honest assessment of the Games?

Even better was when Romney said the reason that Israel has a flourishing society and that the Palestinians are stuck in the Dark Ages is because different cultures emphasize different values. If one group of people supports free speech, freedom of religion and the rights of women and, moreover, places a premium on education and hard work, while another fosters ignorance, intolerance and hate, stifles free enterprise and believes that all it takes to achieve Paradise is to blow up a busload of Jewish children, it's not too difficult to guess which society will prosper.

Speaking of Romney, when NBC news anchor Brian Williams asked him if it was true, as an unnamed source had told him, that he was considering an incredibly boring white guy to be his running mate, Romney quipped, "But you told me you weren't available." Reagan couldn't have said it better.

Speaking of unnamed sources, you may have noticed that Obama hasn't called Harry Reid on the carpet for first starting the rumor that Romney didn't pay his taxes for 10 years and then referring to himself as an unnamed source when spreading the lie on the floor of the Senate. This is the same Obama who lectured the rest of us about civil discourse not too long ago.

Now that Obama's hair has begun turning gray, I think the folks at Grecian Formula are missing a good bet by not hiring him to do commercials for their product. It's a natural connection. After all, when it comes to our economy, this goof has spent the past three years employing the Grecian formula as his model. As a result, we're nearly in the same dire financial straits as Greece.

It is also worth noting that, whether it's redistributing wealth or fomenting war between rich and poor, Obama's first priority has been to create a classless society. In one way, he has clearly succeeded. When you consider the likes of Joe Biden, Eric Holder, Valerie Jarrett, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Janet Napolitano, Jay Carney, Robert Gibbs and Kathleen Sebelius, it would be nearly impossible to even imagine an administration so totally class-less.

After he got fired from his job as CFO of Vante, a Tucson-based medical device manufacturer, Adam Smith, who not only bullied a young Chick-fil-A employee, but was so proud of it, he made a video of the event, made a second video in which he apologized. Bill O'Reilly, who sees himself as next in line to be ordained a cardinal, urged Vante to re-hire him because, according to Father O'Reilly, America believes in second chances.

While I agree that some people deserve second chances, I also believe that some people don't. Among the dregs I would include rapists; child molesters; people such as Michael Vick, who made a practice of torturing and killing dogs; and self-righteous bullies such as Mr. Smith.

I have no doubt that Mr. Smith, now that he's lost his good-paying job, is sorry he ever drove up to the young woman's window and screamed at her. I'm equally certain that every criminal who has ever been arrested also regrets his transgressions.

If I were running Vante, I would not give him back his job. As I see it, the only job he truly deserves is at a drive-up window at Chick-fil-A, where he might someday suffer the same verbal abuse he handed out so freely. Let's see how good he is at living up to the motto that the customer is always right.

With Election Day looming in the near-future, I would like to point out to some of my fellow Republicans that they would do well to remove the term "Republicans in Name Only" (RINO) from their lexicon. I understand that they wish that only hardcore, rock-ribbed, conservatives were ever ensconced in the Oval Office or Congress, but one might as well wish that unicorns were prancing in their garden. For not only is America not a conservative nation, but, overall, it is barely right of center. So while it is fortunate that some places can get away with electing true conservatives, most states won't and never will.

But does that mean that we should dismiss and demean the likes of Scott Brown, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe? After all, they didn't defeat people like Jon Kyl, Saxby Chambliss and John Cornyn. They defeated a bunch of nutty left-wingers, such as Martha Coakley, Joe Brennan, Tom Andrews and Jean Bright. And what's more, if they hadn't won those elections in Massachusetts and Maine, the Democrats would have three additional seats in the Senate, and it is highly unlikely that we'd have any chance of unseating Harry Reid as majority leader in November. So the next time you feel like calling someone a RINO, ask yourself who you'd really prefer to see in the U.S. Senate, Scott Brown or Elizabeth Warren.

In conclusion, Kim Jung-un recently reminded people, via North Korea's state-run media, that his father, Kim Jung-il had 11 holes-in-one the first time he played golf.

In related news, the NY Times reported that Barack Obama recently sank 947 consecutive free throws.