The Right Opinion

Quoting Voltaire, Shakespeare ... & Carville?

By Burt Prelutsky · Dec. 24, 2012

Voltaire, the 18th century philosopher, said, “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” These days, the obvious answer would be Barack Obama. But that wouldn't even approach the correct answer. In our craven, oh so politically correct society, the right answer would include blacks – both in and out of government – illegal aliens, gay activists, Muslims, disability scammers, welfare recipients, teachers and other public sector union members.

Shakespeare famously wrote: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” To which, I say, what unmitigated poppycock! I realize that when a guy starts tossing around words like “thine,” “thou” and “canst,” it tends to make it sound like it's coming straight from God. But blarney is blarney even if it's attributed to the Bard of Avon. If a con man fully accepts his own corrupt nature for what it is, if, in other words, he is being true to himself, it seems to me that being false to other men is nothing more or less than his chosen vocation. It is what he evidently was born to do, much like Mozart was born to make music, Rembrandt was born to paint and Harry Reid was born to oversee funeral arrangements.

Speaking of pre-destiny, it occurs to me that some folks are born to be rich and others, such as myself, not to be. Many years ago, when I was writing a humor column for the L.A. Times, I devoted part of an article to the silly notion that, instead of dogs and cats, people should consider having rocks as pets. I pointed out that you didn't have to feed them, give them shots or worry about their triggering your allergies.

A few months down the road, a fad known as Pet Rocks swept America. Like the earlier Hula Hoops and coonskin caps, you could hardly turn around without seeing them. I never heard from the guy who got rich off the novelty, and he never heard from me. Although I naturally hoped he'd send me a few bucks, I didn't hold my breath waiting for a check. For all I knew, it was just one of those creative coincidences that sometimes occur. In any case, he was the guy who saw millions in the idea, whereas I had only seen an amusing way to fill a paragraph.

In retrospect, I suspect the guy was a conservative because, where others saw only rubble, he saw his fortune. On the other hand, I imagine that most, if not all, of his customers were liberals. After all, these boneheads are notorious for their willingness to buy anything anyone wants to sell them, even if it's the same rocks they have in their own backyard. Not to mention in their own heads.

Time and again, I have contended that conservative parents who can afford to send their kids to private schools or religious academies, or, better yet, home school their offspring, and don't, are guilty of child abuse.

Towards the same end, I have tried to persuade wealthy conservatives to stop wasting their money trying to help elect an occasional politician, and, instead, to start buying up newspapers, magazines and TV stations. After all, by the time your kids are going off to be indoctrinated by left-wing professors, the battle has already been lost. Most 18-year-olds already regard their conservative parents as political Neanderthals, so that any further indoctrination will only be a case of gelding the lily, as it were. So long as the Left continues to control education and the mass media, they will continue to control the messages your children are absorbing.

I find it odd that parents will stop at nothing to prevent their kids from becoming addicted to drugs or falling under the influence of a religious cult, but they persist in turning a blind eye to those dedicated to turning them into left-wing zombies.

A friend who lives in Arizona sent me an email alerting me to the fact that the Los Angeles Press Club has bestowed its 2012 Visionary Award on none other than Jane Fonda. According to the proclamation, she is “the person in the entertainment industry who uses her high-profile status to make the world a better place and to spread information about issues of freedom and social importance.”

My friend wondered if there really was such a group. I assured him there was, indeed, such a club, but instead of a secret handshake or a password, the local journalists acknowledge one another by drooling over left-wing celebrities.

Furthermore, if I'm not mistaken, the Visionary was formerly known as the Benedict Arnold Award.

This brings us to James Carville, the cadaverous-looking political operative who helped unleash Bill Clinton on an unsuspecting world. In a quote that went viral, he was alleged to have said that “80% of Democrats are politically clueless. Truth is relative. Truth is whatever you can make the voter believe is the truth. That's why I'm a Democrat. I can make Democratic voters think whatever I want them to.”

When I first read it, my reaction was that even a creep like Carville can be honest if you get him drunk enough. But upon further investigation, I discovered that, one, either he never said it; or, two, that he decided to deny he said it once he sobered up.

But isn't it always that way with liberals? The only time they seem to make any sense at all is when they're drunk or you are.

42 Comments

Howard Last in Wyoming said:

Burt, don't link Benedict Arnold to "I am not Fonda Jane". Arnold was a war hero. He was responsible for the victory at Saratoga and the defense of West Point. He was also wounded in battle. He only turned traitor when his wife was jealous that he did not get a promotion. Fonda was always a traitor. I put Fonda in the same category as Lurch (oops John Kerry). When the two of them become good communists (assume room temperature) I would not even waste my time to pi## on their graves.

You don't want me drunk around liberals as I am likely to haul off and belt them. Or throw up on them. Thinking about it, it is probably better to throw up on them, as it will improve their odor.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 12:45 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Howard: What can I say except that the drinks are on me?

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:30 PM

Fellow CA Conservative in Red Dot, Blue State said:

Burt, Not sure I can get drunk enough for a lib to make sense to me but thanks for the image. Thanks for the year's columns as well. All make more sense than than most writers and are far more entertaining. I hope your Chanukah was filled with latkes, friends and family (my experience tells me that is the prefered order) and may you and your's have a merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:46 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Fellow: Thanks for the good wishes. I wish you the same.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:31 PM

Wayne in Hinesville, GA said:

The liberal world continues to slap Vietnam veterans in the face every chance they get. Jane Fonda is a disgrace and traitor to her own country. The definition of treason is giving aid and comfort to the enemy during a time of war. Vietnam was a war anyway you look at it. Therefore, Hanoi Jane certainly is a traitor by those standards along with that POS John Kerry. Instead of treating them as heroes, they both should have had at a minimum their citizenship revoked or at a maximum stood in front of a firing squad and shot. However, bashing the country that sustains them is part of the makeup of the leftwing idiots in this country. There are no words disgusting enough to fully portray their lack of patriotism and love for this great nation.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 6:49 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Old Sarge: If I had a vote in this poll, I'd go with the firing squad.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:32 PM

Robert in NEW Mexico said:

Check your spell checker.

The term is gilding the lily. Gelding is nother thing entirely.

Maybe we could geld the liberal media, figuratively if not literally, or liberally.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 8:49 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Robert: Thanks for noticing, but I was punning. I thought I made that clear when I added "as it were."

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:35 PM

Robert in NEW Mexico replied:

I guess we got it.

I considered that it might be a yiddish/english pun (gelt/geld).

I am all for gelding the left media. As I said, figuratively.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 2:17 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Robert: The American media was gelded a long time ago.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:11 PM

WTD in AZ replied:

"Gelding is nother thing entirely" Oh, yes. That's why you must be alert and read ol' Burt's words carefully. He's sneaky, but that makes his sardonic witticisms even more a treasure in these days when profanity passes for humor.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 9:35 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Thank you, WT. No need for last initials among friends.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:12 PM

WT in AZ replied:

It's a pleasure and a distinct honor to be counted among your multitude of friends.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012 at 12:07 AM

Doktor Riktor Von Zhades in Western KY said:

"...I have tried to persuade wealthy conservatives to stop wasting their money trying to help elect an occasional politician, and, instead, to start buying up newspapers, magazines and TV stations."

Burt:

As an added way of saving a few bucks, I'd suggest that those self same conservative parents stop funding alumni associations until such time as a balanced education can be put into place by college administrators. Nothing gets them moving faster than a lack of money that threatens their cushy tenure.....

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 9:40 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Doktor: In the past, I had also made that suggestion. It confounds me that some conservatives will overlook the obvious consequences of their actions so long as their alma maters continue to field winning football and basketball teams.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:37 PM

Doktor Riktor Von Zhades in Western KY replied:

Sadly Burt this is indeed true. While I absolutely love football, I'd be willing to see ANY college do without, if it meant what I had previously proposed.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012 at 12:40 AM

Susan H. in Calif. said:

Burt, you are definitely one of a kind. Thank you for just being you.

Robert in New Mexico beat me to it - "Most 18-year-olds already regard their conservative parents as political Neanderthals, so that any further indoctrination will only be a case of gelding the lily, as it were." One gelds a horse, and gilds a lily. Although it might be interesting to see some gelding done in DC. It might even be productive. Reduce the gene pool to some extent.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkuh, and Happy New year to you and yours. Looking forward to more insight and wit in 2013.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:36 AM

Howard Last in Wyoming replied:

Susan, The first one in Washington to undergo gelding should be kommandant klinton. Should also have been done to the Hero of Chappaquiddick years ago so Mary Jo would still be around. Instead of chasing girls he would be chasing Barney Fag. The two deserved each other.

My daughter at 14 considered me a Neanderthal. But that was because she shot a Bushmaster in Highpower Rifle Matches while I shot a M-1 Garand.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 11:23 AM

Robert in NEW Mexico replied:

Tell her God would carry an M-1, if he needed a rifle.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 12:45 PM

Howard Last in Wyoming replied:

Robert, she shot in several Garand Matches and even came out on top a few times. In a Garand Match you shoot a M-1 or a military rifle of the same vintage. Lisa shoots my M-1 and beats me most times. Notice I am still bragging.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:19 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Susan: Thank you for the kind words. As for gelding/gilding, please check out my response to Robert. Merry Christmas.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:38 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Susan: Thanks for the verbal posies. I will try to keep it going in 2013. Merry Christmas.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:14 PM

Honest Abe in North Carolina said:

The LA Press Club and their Visionary Award are as morally worthless as their recipient. Their choice of Jane Fonda immediately tells the world their ethics are comparable to the Communist Party's selection of Barack Obama as Our Man of the Year.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 11:36 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Ol'Joe: The Time magazine honor states it goes to the individual or group that has influenced the world the most, whether in a positive or negative way. When it comes to Obama, that strikes me as very appropriate, because there has never been a more divisive person in the Oval Office. The tragedy is that 51% of Americans view him favorably.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:42 PM

Bob in Hattiesburg, MS said:

Don't feel bad, Burt. I wasn't born to be rich, either. I guess the Lord figured I couldn't be trusted with a lot of money. When I was a hospice chaplain I used to have a sign over my desk that read, "I didn't enter the ministry to make money. So far I have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams."

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 12:50 PM

Kevin from Arkansas in USA replied:

Bob:

I had a similar sign, actually it was a cartoon, over my desk. It showed a man dressed in his best Brooks Brothers suit walking his son on a wooded path. He was telling his son that "While it's nice to know about trees just remember no one ever made a lot of money knowing about trees."

Since I'm a MState Forester ('74) I can relate.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:08 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Bob: It has also been the one area in which I have excelled. Merry Christmas.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:43 PM

Glenn in The Land of 10,000 Liberals said:

Burt,
You gild a lily. You geld a horse. And I guarantee you, the horse is not too fond of the procedure.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:38 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Glenn: At least you and at least two other readers are paying close attention, even if you three chose to ignore the "as it were," I thought would be a tip-off. Merry Christmas.

Burt

p.s. Am I the only person who reads all the comments?

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 1:45 PM

Dardinia in Jacksonville replied:

No Burt, I enjoy the comments almost as much as I enjoy your writings. Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012 at 1:04 AM

Connie in California replied:

You're the only commentator who reads them.
Bless you, and have a happy new year! Mazeltov!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013 at 2:20 AM

Old Desert Rat in Las Vegas, NV said:

And all these years I thought Harry Reid existed to raise my blood pressure. I don't know why Cadaver Carville exists. You exist to prove that common sense and decency has not been completely erased from the world. You have given us a world of food for thought, whimsy, and humor along with solid conservative prose all year. Here's to a better 2013. L'chaim!

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 2:02 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Old Desert Rat: If I still drank, I'd drink to that.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:16 PM

Jake in Carlsbad, CA said:

Burt:

Didn't Obama win the coveted(?) Time Magazine Person of the Year Award because he was able to convince low information voters, a percentage of whom were not interested in politics, to vote for him? It has to be difficult to compete with someone who gives voters free cell phones, free cell phone service, food stamps, welfare, 2 years of unemployment benefits, etc, etc, etc. What ever happened to individual responsibility, initiative and shame in taking handouts when one doesn't really have to? It seems that a whole of people have no pride in their ability to take care of themselves. I cannot see anything good for the United States coming from this election other than it's the road to a society that is satisfied with big government and limited individual freedom. I read after the election, why Romney lost the election, "Romney said if elected, he would put people to work". Fifty-one percent of the voters said, " Screw that".

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 4:38 PM

Howard Last in Wyoming replied:

" It has to be difficult to compete with someone who gives voters free cell phones, free cell phone service, food stamps, welfare, 2 years of unemployment benefits, etc, etc, etc. "

Jake, free my a$$. You and I paid for it. The bastards in Washington have turned us into a damn democracy

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 7:55 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Jake: You nailed it, my friend.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:17 PM

WTD in AZ said:

"Harry Reid was born to oversee funeral arrangements." And he's doing a great job making sure anything the House does, is DOA in the Senate.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 9:43 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

WT: And that definitely includes old Harry, himself.

Burt

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 10:18 PM

WT in AZ replied:

Our cup runneth over with Obummer in the White House * , Reid in Senate, and Boehner ** as Speaker.
* politically insensative ? ** spell check offers,"boner" as an alternative.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012 at 12:18 AM

Scott in Gilbert, AZ said:

Another classic, Burt, and I read all the comments too, they're very entertaining.

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 11:21 PM

Howard Last in Wyoming replied:

Scott, besides entertaining most have it correct.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012 at 11:39 AM

Connie in California said:

Burt,
"Gelding the lily"? I hope that's a typo.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013 at 2:15 AM