The Right Opinion

The Homeless & the Clueless

By Burt Prelutsky · Jan. 10, 2013

Far too many people are up in arms over the dreadful economy we are leaving for our kids and grandkids. I used to be one of them. But ever since the youth of America helped saddle us with Obama, not once, but twice, I say it serves them right. These young shmoes are not only convinced there’s a free lunch, but a free breakfast, a free dinner and free healthcare. And, yet, I’m willing to bet, they were just the sort of smug eight-year-olds who delighted in telling their younger siblings that Santa Claus didn’t exist.

Here in California, the little elves at the Public Utility Commission are all set to green light a new left-wing program that would provide the homeless with free cell phones and free phone service so that “they can reach out to possible employment possibilities and stay connected to family.” And let us not overlook those all-important calls to their drug dealers.

To show just how depraved our nation has become, an unmarried Pennsylvania woman with two kids making $25,000-a-year would wind up with a lower standard of living if she were suddenly to begin earning $57,000 because of all the government perks she would have to forego. Only a devout pudding-headed liberal would believe that is a good thing.

Speaking of liberals, in spite of their insisting that anyone who doesn’t see eye-to-eye with Obama is a racist, while ignoring all the vile things they themselves have said about Condoleezza Rice, Ward Connerly and Allen West, I find it interesting that white liberals never elect blacks to Congress. If it weren’t for all those blacks living in the inner cities, does anyone actually believe that the likes of Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Charley Rangel, John Conyers, James Clyburn, Diane Watson or William Jefferson, would ever be elected to an office higher than master-of-arms of the Mystic Knights of the Sea?

Speaking of Congress, I believe I have finally figured out why people as dense and as boring as John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are the GOP leaders in the House and Senate. I mean, why, when the future of the Party rests with young, funny, well-spoken, charming and photogenic, guys like Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio, have we tied ourselves to those two old Washington stiffs? The only way I can figure it is that both sides have arrived at detente. So long as the Democrats stick with a pair of deadheads like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, the GOP will play fair and do likewise. As usual, the Democrats get the better of the deal. That’s because Reid and Pelosi really are as good as it gets on their side of the aisle. When it comes to left-wingers, sock puppets would be an improvement.

I realize that liberals are convinced that they are not only nicer, but smarter than conservatives. But how can that be when the spokespeople for their side include Michael Moore, Bill Maher, Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Joy Behar, Frank Rich, Hillary Clinton, Jane Fonda, Juan Williams, Maureen Dowd and Chris Matthews? Even though they insist that all the big brain people are liberals, they still stoop to concocting phony IQ scores in order to prove that Carter, Clinton and Obama, are all geniuses, while Ronald Reagan and the Bushes needed help tying their shoes.

Even when you point out that they’d never win a presidential election if the least accomplished, least principled and least patriotic, people in the nation didn’t vote for them in overwhelming numbers, they persist in claiming they field a much smarter team than Charles Krauthammer, Bernard Goldberg, Dennis Prager, John Bolton, Mark Alexander, Ann Coulter, Paul Ryan, Mark Steyn, Hugh Hewitt, Rush Limbaugh, Antonin Scalia, Michael Medved, Steve Hayes, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin, Brit Hume and Clarence Thomas.

Something that’s bothered me for a long time is why states decided to identify themselves as being north, south or west of some other state. It’s not as if with only 50 states in the Union, we ran out of names. Do we really need two states named Dakota and Carolina or another named West Virginia? Talk about a basic lack of imagination!

Instead of exchanging gifts at Christmas, I wonder how many people would leap at the chance to exchange relatives. I refuse to believe I’m the only one.

Even if Obama hadn’t won re-election, we’d have been reminded that we’re surrounded by liberals because the Darwin Awards are always announced at this time of year. In case you’re unaware of the event, it’s an annual competition of news stories that serve to remind us that Charles Darwin’s “Survival of the Fittest” was merely a theory. These goofballs did make it all the way to adulthood, after all, and, most troubling of all, manage in many cases to reproduce.

Among the finalists in 2012 was a doofus in San Jose, CA, who used a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s windshield, and wound up killing himself when the gun accidentally discharged. Another fellow, this one in Alamo, MI, had a friend drive a truck while he hung on underneath so that he could figure out the source of a strange noise. His clothes snagged on something, however, and his friend eventually found him wrapped in the drive shaft. They never did figure out what the noise was.

Proving that the U.S. doesn’t have a monopoly on loons, a guy in Ontario, Canada, was cleaning the bird feeder on his condominium balcony while standing on a wheelchair. When the wheelchair moved, as wheelchairs are wont to do, the birdbrain went over the side.

Joe Vincent, one of my readers in Cordova, Tennessee, reminded me that in 1882, Friedrich Nietzsche stated that “God is dead.” In 1900, God had the opportunity to announce, “Friedrich Nietzsche is dead.”

I don’t believe that anything quite spells out the difference between an unfounded rumor and a fact better than that.


Robinius in Broomfield, Colorado said:

Burt, I am still having trouble with understanding how anyone can respect or admire Al Gore. If there is a bigger hypocrite on the face of the planet I can't think of one (I have to believe Gore vs. Obama is a tie). The global warming farce and now selling his worthless network to Al Jazeera for $500,000,000? Money is everything to Al Gore, he's made that clear.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:30 AM

Robinius in Broomfield, Colorado replied:

Sorry, it's Robinius, not R. Damned autofill (can't be my fault)

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:32 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

R--I agree, but I thought the selling price was $100 million. Was it really half a billion?


Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 1:24 AM

Chris in Rochester replied:

The network sold for $500 billion. Al owned 20% so his share of the proceeds was $100 billion. WAY too much no matter which way you slice it!

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 10:35 AM

Honest Abe in North Carolina replied:

Hot dang! Even at the old U.S. rate Al's income tax should bring in enough to run Obama's central government jalopy another 1.5 seconds. However, Al, the know-it-all environmental swami could declare himself a charity and pay none.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Howard Last in Wyoming said:

Burt, speaking of the Darwin Awards, there is another category, Honorable Mention. It is for people who did not remove themselves from the gene pool. I saw a news article a day or two ago about a guy who went into a backyard and tried to strangle a rottweiler. I suppose the only reason he was not taken away in a body back was because the rottweiler was laughing too hard. Then there were two guys who earned the Darwin Award simultaneously. They tried to shoot beer cans off each others heads. Maybe Barry and Biden should try this with Reid and Pelosi as seconds. I understand William Jefferson got an honorable mention by just asking a question. Someone that makes Biden look good.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:34 AM

Howard Last in Wyoming replied:

Oops, that should be "taken away in a "body bag". This dumb computer keeps making mistakes. And can't be me.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:54 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Howard: The brain is a strange thing. You typed "body back," but I read it as "body bag."


Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 1:31 AM

Kevin from Arkansas in USA replied:

LOL, Burt, So did I. Great minds.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 8:52 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

Howard: Just curious, but did the guy who tried to strangle the rottweiler explain his motive? Did he catch the dog drinking out of his bowl?


Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 1:26 AM

Kevin from Arkansas in USA replied:

Maybe Barry order out. He wanted "Rot" instead of Chinese.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 8:54 AM

Howard Last in Wyoming replied:

Burt, never explained his reasoning. I don't think you can say reasoning in the same sentence in referring to him. But I guess he is qualified to vote for Barry.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 10:47 AM

L.L. Smith in Savannah, Tn. said:

Burt: All these government programs for the so called poor who are living off the rest of us reminds me of the farmer who had a mule. His neighbor offered a good price and bought the mule. The original owner got "mule sick" and bought the mule back for $100.00 profit. They proceeded to buy the mule from each other for a $100.00 profit until the price reached $2000.00 then the mule was sold to a third party. When told of the deal the original owner told the other farmer he was an idiot. "We were making a good living off that mule and you sold him".

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:56 AM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA replied:

L.L.: Hell, if I had known that the mule was the only thing standing between the two farmers and poverty, I never would have bought the mule out from under them.


Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 1:28 AM

FMFDOC5455 in Holly Springs, MS. replied:

L.L. you jogged my memory. Back when I was a kid (I'm 80 yrs. now) I heard this story several times. A local horse trader sold a farmer a fine looking mule for $100 ( lots of money back then). The farmer brought the mule back the next day and wanted his money back. He said the mule was blind. The horse trader asked why he thought that and the farmer said when he turned the mule out in the barn lot the mule walked right smack dab into the barn door. The horse trade said " Aww, that mule ain't blind, he just don't give a damn. "

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 5:47 PM

L.L. Smith in Savannah, Tn. replied:

Bobby Seale: We probably got this same story setting around a pot bellied stove in a country store. I'm 79. If we can find another mule we will sell it to Burt. Holly Springs is not very far away.It's amazing what can be learned in a country store while sitting on a nail keg whittling on a good cedar stick with a sharp Case knife. There's people there who could do a lot better job of running this country. I'll guarantee they won't be broke..

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 7:18 PM

Capt. Call in New Mexico said:

Burt, you hit another one right out of the park! And God gave Nietzsche all of those extra years to learn that he was wrong, but he, sadly, failed to see the forest because of all of those trees that were in the way! LOL!!

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 2:37 AM

Paul Couch in N.C. said:

Burt, I have been out away from the fray for awhile. Due mostly to self flagellation on Nov. 7th. I am healing nicely now. Speaking of electing blacks to congress, we have a district in North Carolina created just for blacks.The 12th. It follows I-85 stretching from Winston-Salem to Charlotte. There are more indentions than a cross cut saw so it will pick up pockets of blacks. It was created by dems but when repubs took control they did not have the guts to do away with it. I am in a different district, with a different rep. and I can't wait to get my teeth in his ass.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 9:22 AM

Patrick in Houston replied:

Burt, I think the Republicans have the right idea. It's like the 18th Congressional District here in Texas. We concentrated all the morons in the state into one great "throw-away" district so as to prevent them from spreading their imbecility to any other districts in the state. Of course that means that Sheila Jackson-Lee will continue to be elected to Congress many decades after her demise, but it is a small price to pay...

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 11:01 AM

BlueShadowII in Texas replied:

I guess we have our own "throw-away" district up here in north Texas, Patrick. The 30th CD here keeps re-electing Eddie Bernice Johnson in spite of her admitted corruption (she doesn't see anything wrong with "taking care of family" at public expense). And we could have had Pastor Stephen Broden in 2010 or Travis Washington, Jr. in 2012!

Do you think there's any truth to the rumor that people in the 30th think they're voting for Jackson-Lee and folks in the 18th think they're voting for Johnson? If there's a permanent Darwin Award, they and their constituents would share it; I cringe with embarrassment every time I see either on TV and hear them introduced as Texans.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 6:58 PM

rab in jo,mo said:


This right-wing, gun and Bible-clinging, redneck would gladly compare IQ scores with any liberal. As I frequently remind my daughter, 100 is average. Laws of statistics tell me I'd top them over 99% of the time.
But IQ scores and post-graduate degrees mean nothing if not accompanied by wisdom, something that is surely lacking on the left.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 9:23 AM

sfj in Alabama said:

Burt - Enjoyed the Amos n Andy reference - Mystic Knights of the Sea Lodge - indeed.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 9:29 AM

Paul Couch in N.C. said:


Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 9:37 AM

Tex Horn in Texas said:

Burt, I'm with you when it comes to getting some young blood into power in the Republican Party. As you probably know by now, I'm a Libertarian, but I have to rely on the Republicans to pass legislation us conservatives want. In many cases, though, it appears that the young blood arrives in Washington, is then mentored by a establishment Republican, and ends up playing the establishment (Boehner, McConnell, Cornyn, et al) game. Looks like Paul Ryan is headed that way, Rubio is on the edge. I'm hoping newly elected Ted Cruz will carry the conservative banner for Texas.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 11:37 AM

JJStryder in realville said:

I think a secret ballot to elect leadership in the house would help refresh the party. All these newly elected representatives concerned about committee posts don't go against the established leadership because their names are attached to their vote.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Wayne in Hinesville, GA said:

Burt, I have several relatives I'd like to exchange but I just couldn't impose them on a Conservative and if I exchanged them with a Demorat I'd probably get someone even worse.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Stephen in NH said:

"I mean, why, when the future of the Party rests with young, funny, well-spoken, charming and photogenic, guys like Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio, have we tied ourselves to those two old Washington stiffs?"

The very same question could be asked regarding McCain (2008) and Romney (2012). Sadly, it wasn't.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 4:02 PM

p3orion in Midland, Georgia said:

You're correct that liberals are only against racism when it advantages their side. There have been only a few black Republicans ever elected to congress, but EVERY ONE came from a majority-white district. To my knowledge NOT ONE majority-white district that votes Democrat has ever elected a black representative.

As for unimaginative state names, I now you're being tongue-in-cheek, and understand that some pairs of states, such as North Carolina and South Carolina, were originally a single state, which later divided. But it's particularly galling for someone who lives in the Los Angeles area of California to make cracks about it, when your area is home to the University of Southern California, which has the gall to call itself USC, when everyone knows that the REAL "USC" has been in Columbia, South Carolina since 1801, 49 years before California was even admitted to the union, and 79 years before Southern Cal was founded to turn out liberal graduates and mediocre football teams.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 5:45 PM

BlueShadowII in Texas replied:

P3: I'm sure you'll understand why I ask people with a Texas twang who talk about UT if that isn't in Knoxville. To be fair, I also enjoy asking those with a Tennessee accent if the UT they're talking about isn't in Austin. I never knew faces could show such a variety of red. :-)

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 7:03 PM

Torp44 in Ione, Wa. said:

Burt, it must have just been a slip for you not to include Thomas Sowell among those in your 7th paragraph.

Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 10:37 PM