From The Comedy Store
President Obama gave his State of the Union speech to a joint session of Congress on Tuesday. The speech allows a president to stand before Congress and ask both political parties to work together for the good of the country. It’s the biggest laugh he gets all year.
The Los Angeles Police were called modern-day slave owners by civil rights activists. They were defending fugitive cop killer Chris Dornan. He’s such a hero to the left that Barack Obama tried to get him to sit next to Michelle during the State of the Union Address.
John Brennan’s pro-drone-strike testimony was backed by seventy percent of Americans who approve the strikes on American traitors. It’s wild. Dick Nixon would still be president if he had ordered the burglars to cancel the break-in and kill Jane Fonda.
Leon Panetta said the U.S. is targeted by hundreds of cyber attacks every day. It’s so true. Last week the Federal Reserve was hacked, and if the hackers hadn’t been stopped they’d have made off with debts that would follow them the rest of their lives.
President Obama was granted the power in a Justice Department memo to assassinate Americans anywhere in the world with drone strikes. The memo says a president can kill Americans by drone strikes if they’re leading enemy forces. Rush Limbaugh has begun broadcasting from the bunker under the Greenbriar Country Club.
The White House website is selling I Love Obama flags to push his agenda. The flags are huge. Republicans buy the flags and tape them to the roof of their cars, so that in case there are any drone missiles in the neighborhood, it’s one less thing to worry about.
Condi Rice struck a spectator in the head with a tee shot at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am tournament. The victim had concussion-like symptoms. President Obama heard about it and said he wasn’t sure if he’d allow his son to be a spectator at a golf tournament.
Governor Deval Patrick prepared for last weekend’s epic blizzard by issuing a travel ban on all roads in Massachusetts. Only police, hospital emergency workers and the media are allowed on the road. It’s the same way the state used to observe Teddy Kennedy’s birthday.
Governor Rick Perry flew to California to try to woo California businesses to relocate to Texas. The arguments even out. Texans point out that they have no state income taxes, however Californians counter that we don’t have winters, and besides our prisons are so full that if you don’t pay your state income taxes, nothing will happen to you anyway.
The U.S. Navy SEAL who killed Osama bin Laden told Esquire he is retired from active duty and in need of a job. He has to spend all his money on security. The administration published his home address in the Muslim Gazette just to make a point about gun control.
North Korea successfully set off an underground nuclear blast, alarming the neighboring South Koreans. They’re totally out of luck. The last thing the Obama administration is going to do is support the South during Black History Month.
President Obama’s speechwriter resigned to pursue a career as a comedy screenwriter in Los Angeles. He helped to write the stimulus bill and the ObamaCare bill, and he coined the phrase shovel-ready projects. Once you get addicted to getting laughs it’s hard to give it up.
California’s Oxnard High School suspended four kids for wearing U.S. flag bandanas and chanting USA at a game. They were cited for being culturally insensitive. The kids said they didn’t do anything wrong, and when they said it in English it doubled the penalty.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton