From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

Barack Obama gave a TV speech on national security to the country Wednesday. After consulting with his generals and he laid out his plans to deal with the violent extremists for their brutal and violent behavior. He is dropping the NFL Network from his basic cable package.

Barack Obama vowed to arm Syrian rebels to fight ISIS. He had a change of heart. Last month he dismissed the rebels as doctors, dentists and pharmacists, but he’s come to realize it’s cheaper to give them the half billion now than pay their bills through ObamaCare.

The White House was reported Friday exploring legal ways to revoke the U.S. travel visas of U.S. citizens who are fighting for ISIS in Iraq and Syria. It’s the best way to keep them from returning to the U.S. They are too arrogant to go to Mexico and wait their turn at the truck stop.

Texas GOP Senator Ted Cruz fired up a conservative convention in Dallas with a tub-thumping speech on Middle East policy. He drew cheers when he proposed bombing ISIS all the way back to the Stone Age. Fine, but what does that set them back, fifteen minutes?

Attorney General Eric Holder opened an investigation into the pattern of conduct by cops in Ferguson, Missouri. The situation isn’t calmed at all by the constant carping of race baiters. Al Sharpton accuses anyone who gets their teeth whitened of committing mouth gentrification.

The University of Chicago announced it will apply to be the host campus of the Barack Obama Presidential Library when built. The president served on the faculty of the Chicago Law School for twelve years. He taught the How to Avoid the Constitutional Law course.

Bill Clinton and George W. Bush launched their Presidential Scholars Program in D.C.. It gives college scholarships to kids with political ambitions who exhibit Clinton’s and Bush’s leadership traits. It’s one way of keeping comedians in material for generations to come.

USC began selling tickets to alums for fifteen hundred dollars per game that allow them to run onto the field ahead of the Trojans before the game. It doesn’t stop there. For another thousand dollars the alums get to jump off a second-story balcony into a pool to save somebody.

CVS pharmacies quit selling cigarettes and changed its name to CVS Health stores. It’s called doing the right thing. The profits CVS made selling cigarettes was no match for all the money they make selling candy and potato chips to everybody who has quit smoking.

Apple introduces a new iPhone that doubles as a credit card using a touch-tone payment system via Visa or Mastercard. Apple says it’s totally safe and secure. And if there’s one company you can trust with your money it’s the company that just leaked your nude photos.

Obama visited a grade school in Wales during a NATO conference break along with Prime Minister David Cameron. The president is in defense talks with Western and Central Europe’s leaders. Vladimir Putin wasn’t invited but that’s never stopped him before.

Obama made an unscheduled visit to Stonehenge in England to see the mysterious ancient temple stone monuments. The ancient Druid priests are believed to have built Stonehenge four thousand years ago to attract aliens. Now everybody is saying it worked.

Obama paid a visit to prehistoric Stonehenge in England. Ancient druid priests set up giant rock pillars two-by-two and laid them out vertically in a circle. It took all of Obama’s self control to keep from breaking out his putter and playing miniature golf.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store