November 1, 2014

From The Comedy Store

The White House sent a thousand more U.S. troops to West Africa to help the locals deal with Ebola epidemic. It’s a scary mission. Back when Barack Obama campaigned for president on bringing the country free health care, he didn’t mention that the country is Liberia.

White House Ebola Czar Ron Klain took office, tasked with keeping Ebola out of the U.S. His first task is to get the Obama administration’s stories straight. Last week they were claiming you have as much a chance of catching Ebola as there being a Canadian terrorist.

The White House sent a thousand more U.S. troops to West Africa to help the locals deal with Ebola epidemic. It’s a scary mission. Back when Barack Obama campaigned for president on bringing the country free health care, he didn’t mention that the country is Liberia.

A New York doctor flew to JFK from Africa with Ebola symptoms. This after the Liberian flew to Dallas, infecting a nurse who flew to Cleveland and one who went on a cruise. It’s now clear the first symptom of Ebola is not vomiting, diarrhea or fever; it’s the urge to travel.

New York Mayor Bill deBlasio urged New Yorkers to be calm after a New York doctor tested positive for Ebola. There’s no reason for the locals to panic. The CDC pointed out that Ebola has an eighty percent survival rate in the U.S., so it’s still safer than New York high schools.

Barack Obama was reportedly considering flying Ebola-infected Africans into America for hospital treatment. You can’t make it up. After five years in Iraq, the Americans couldn’t find any leader willing to attack the U.S. with biological weapons, so we had to elect one.

The New York City Marathon will be run before a million spectators Sunday. Many of the runners just arrived from Africa . No one wants to say that New Yorkers are a little edgy about that, but this year when the gun goes off, the spectators take off running away from the runners.

National Geographic urged U.S. schools to teach geography to prepare kids to compete in a diverse world. We are losing ground fast. A Rand McNally survey says only four Americans out of ten can find Iraq on a map, however ten out of ten Mexicans can find the U.S. without a map.

The White House had no explanation when asked why Democrats were asking Bill Clinton to campaign for them and not Obama. There’s a lot more public sympathy for an adulterer than a socialist. It seems everybody is tempted to cheat but nobody is tempted to share.

Hillary Clinton caused a firestorm last week when she declared onstage that businesses and corporations don’t create jobs. It made no sense at all. Bill Clinton didn’t help when he defended what Hillary said, saying that it all depends on what your definition of the word job is.

The Secret Service provided video of the Belgian guard dogs that caught the White House fence jumper on the North Lawn. The dogs work much harder than the Secret Service agents do. That’s because the dogs know the president never ate Secret Service agents as a boy.

Homeland Security mobilized its tech experts and dispatched them to the White House to ascertain damage by computer hackers. The top-secret computers were hit by a cyber attack. It was first reported by Joe Biden when he noticed that Solitaire was running slow.

The Wall Street Journal predicted the GOP could rack up historic gains due to Obama’s unpopularity. He departed the White House Thursday to campaign for Democratic Congress candidates who’d asked for his help. He was back at the White House in about an hour.

Fox News reports fifty voters in Maryland complained their votes for Republicans were switched to Democrats by voting machines. Vote stealing is part of our cherished heritage. The most popular inscription on tombstones in Chicago is a bumper sticker that reads I Voted.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton

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