We all know that Obama’s federal government wants to control us from the cradle to the early grave mandated by the Affordable Care Act, but they wouldn’t have nearly so easy a time of it if it weren’t for the complicit media. As I have said in the past, if I could control the media, I’d be willing to let the Democrats control the House.

I mean, look at the fawning way the media continues to treat Hillary Clinton even after she first boasted about how impoverished she and Bill were in 2001, at least for the first two seconds after leaving the White House before $20 million in book advances took effect, and then stated that “businesses and corporations don’t create jobs.” If a potential Republican presidential candidate had tried to get away with such unmitigated nonsense, the media would turn him or her into a laughingstock. They managed to do it with Sarah Palin, even though the line about being able to see Russia from her front porch was delivered by Tina Fey during a “Saturday Night Live” sketch and never by Mrs. Palin.

Speaking of Mrs. Clinton, someone sent me a cartoon depicting Hillary as the Wicked Witch of the West melting after Dorothy splashed her with a bucket of water. It could explain why the person often described as the Smartest Woman in the World has so far refrained from accepting the ice bucket challenge.

According to a recent study, the estimate of non-citizen votes in 2008 was 1.2 million, which was believed to represent 6.4%, of illegal aliens. Having taken math when it was still taught in the public schools, I was able to determine that rather than the oft-repeated 11 million “living in the shadows,” the number would actually be 19 million. And, frankly, since the same 11 million figure has been kicking around for about 20 years by those looking to grant them amnesty, I expect the actual number is closer to 25 million.

Even though we know for a fact that a great many of those who have been released from Guantanamo by Bush and Obama returned to combat and have been killing Americans for the past several years, I have no idea why we ever bother capturing Islamic terrorists. It’s not as if when they capture our soldiers, they place them in POW camps. They don’t have POW camps. They only have mass graves. So I will support Obama’s plan to close Gitmo, but only if its inmates are sent off to their perverted Paradise and not back to the war zone.

As my readers know, I am a proponent of capital punishment, not merely for murderers, but for rapists and child molesters. My reason in those cases is revenge for the victims. But I would also execute those who were guilty of perpetrating election fraud. One reason is that I think that anyone subverting the election process deserves to die because he is attempting to disenfranchise legitimate voters of their most precious constitutionally guaranteed right. My other reason is because I believe such a punishment could actually deter those contemplating this form of villainy, whereas I’m not at all sure it works with those depraved enough to kill, rape or molest, the innocent.

I find it singularly bizarre, even for Obama, that the same Commander-in-chief who refuses to have boots on the ground in Iraq, Syria or Iran, in order to combat Islamic terrorism, has no problem sending 3,000 soldiers to Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone, to combat Ebola, although the former falls within their job description and the latter doesn’t.

When you hear knucklehead Ben Affleck claim that only a few bad apples are guilty of Islamic terrorism, it’s easier to take than when fellow knuckleheads like George Bush and Barack Obama spouted the same foolishness. But the irony is that super knucklehead Bill Maher got into trouble with his own demented base when he had the temerity to argue the point with Affleck.

So it was that after inviting fulltime Christian-basher Maher to be the commencement speaker at UC Berkeley, 3,000 students signed a petition uninviting him. I suppose this means that in the future, Maher will stick to insulting Christians and lay off those marvelous peace-loving Muslims.

How nutty is California? Well, Jerry Brown and his flying monkeys up in Sacramento recently set aside $9.2 million so that state universities can subsidize illegal aliens, and another $3 million with which illegal aliens can pay attorneys to assist them in fighting deportation.

Speaking of which, the Mexican who recently killed two sheriff deputies had been deported twice after being arrested on drug charges. The truth of the matter is that threatening to deport Hispanic criminals in lieu of jailing or shooting them is about as effective as threatening to throw Br'er Rabbit in the briar patch.

Apple’s CEO Tim Cook has announced that he’s not only a homosexual, but proud to be one. It’s the pride that confuses me, even though his rationale is that being gay has taught him what it’s like to be a member of a minority and has made him tougher. He even thanks God for making him a homosexual. Frankly, that strikes me as terribly naïve. As I see it, when you’re as wealthy as Mr. Cook, you can easily afford to pay other people to be tough on your behalf. For another, I suppose being short and bald in a nation where most people are neither makes me a member of a minority. But it would never enter my mind to be particularly proud of it or to consider sending God a thank-you note.

Our little dog Angel hates the mailman with a vengeance and starts barking her head off every time he slips his daily offerings through the slot in our front door. It’s as if she’s convinced he’s trying to contaminate our living space. And inasmuch as his delivery consists almost entirely of bills, flyers and letters pleading for donations to the likes of Ben Carson, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich, I share her displeasure.

But the other day, I found myself listening to her bark, which sounds as if it’s being made by a dog three or four times her size, and wondering if it fools other dogs. I also wondered if dogs can tell each other’s gender by their barks, the way we can usually determine gender by our voices. I realize that if I were a congressman, I could get a study funded for about $750,000 in tax dollars to find out the answer, but I can’t and, being a conservative, I wouldn’t. But if anyone knows the answer, please send me an email.

Finally, whatever else you say about this administration, you can never accuse its members of lacking gall. Imagine someone in the inner circle of the White House actually having the chutzpah to call Bibi Netanyahu a big pile of chicken poop.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever had a more intimate relationship with the stuff than Barack Obama. And that definitely includes Colonel Sanders.