January 31, 2015

From The Comedy Store

The Super Bowl is predicted to draw over one hundred million viewers to NBC. The influence of the game is enormous on America. The Seattle Seahawks most successful play in last year’s Super Bowl was the end-around, and Obama’s been running it on Congress ever since.

The Super Bowl is predicted to draw over one hundred million viewers to NBC. The influence of the game is enormous on America. The Seattle Seahawks most successful play in last year’s Super Bowl was the end-around, and Obama’s been running it on Congress ever since.

Obama in his State of the Union address mentioned lesbians, he mentioned gays and he mentioned transgenders, but Obama didn’t once mention al-Qaeda. That’s easily explainable. Until al-Qaeda registers in California as a sexual preference, Democrats are going to pretend they don’t exist.

Obama was interviewed on YouTube by whacky GloZell Green. She posts videos of herself eating Fruit Loops from her bathwater as she bathes. He said that John Boehner inviting Bibi Netanyahu to address Congress without his permission undermines the dignity of the presidency.

John Boehner invited Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu to address Congress and express his support for the sanctions bill on Iran, against Obama’s wishes. The State Department is furious. They’re sending James Taylor to Jerusalem to sing his divorce proceedings from Carly Simon.

Boehner denied any interest in a White House run. He says he loves to drink wine and smoke cigarettes too much to ever run for president. For all the bad publicity which alcohol and tobacco receive, they never get any credit for the presidencies they prevent.

Politico reported online its sources say that Hillary Clinton is one hundred percent going to enter the race for U.S. president. Most people agree that Hillary’s top quality is the historical nature of her candidacy. She could be the last Anglo-Saxon the Democrats ever nominate for president.

Joe Biden acknowledged to reporters that he might run against Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination, and cited his foreign policy experience. Last spring, the U.S. traded five Taliban prisoners for one American POW. Originally the deal included Biden, but the Taliban said no.

Obama flew to India to visit the Taj Mahal, attend the Republic Day parade, and give a televised speech. He’ll be very comfortable addressing them. The best thing about Obama giving a televised speech to the people of India is, if his Teleprompter breaks, tech support is a local call.

India’s prime minister Narendra Modi was hailed by Obama as leader of the world’s largest democracy. The biggest issue in India’s election last year was poor sewage. Last year, India produced over sixty-eight million tons of human waste, second only to the Congressional Record.

Longevity magazine this month listed superfoods and an exercise regimen to help people live the longest possible life. The Census Bureau reported last week that there are still five people alive who were born in the nineteenth century. And what’s wilder than that, they were all re-elected in November.

The Weather Channel aired footage of a big blizzard hitting New England, making life miserable in six states. It left thousands of homes and businesses without electricity. Americans haven’t experienced a blackout this complete since the Academy Awards nominations were announced.

Attorney General nominee Loretta Lynch told her Senate confirmation committee that illegal aliens have the same right to work as U.S. citizens. It’s a sign of the times. The Democratic Party used to enjoy the advantage of having eight children in every family, but now they just order in.

NASA reported that an asteroid a third of a mile wide passed close by the Earth, coming to within a relative whisker of direct impact with our planet. The asteroid just missed hitting the Earth by seven hundred thousand miles. Michael Moore noted the near-miss and called the universe a coward.

© Copyright 2015 Argus Hamilton

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