The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The USDA approved a genetically modified apple that won’t turn brown when you slice it open. No one can believe the Obama administration approved something that’ll never turn brown but remain white.The White House was so busy defending Islam last week they took their eye off the ball.
The Pentagon revealed a treasure trove of intel on Osama bin Laden that was seized in the raid on his compound. It shows he spent hours watching porn, looking at himself on old videos and smoking pot. Hollywood sees this as proof that our similarities are much greater than our differences in this world.
Bruce Jenner learned he could face civil suits over his car crash two weeks ago on Pacific Coast Highway even though no criminal charges are likely. The tape of the crash shows he wasn’t texting, or speeding, or talking on the cellphone. We didn’t know he was transitioning out of being a Californian.
Jeb Bush gave a speech laying out a robust vision for U.S. foreign policy at the Chicago Council on Foreign Relations and he declared he’s his own man. Pollsters reveal that Jeb Bush has tremendous name recognition. If he can overcome that he has a chance of being elected.
The White House admitted that HHS sent one million Obamacare website enrollees the wrong tax returns which could cause them to be delinquent. The latest gaffe is a continuation of the error-plagued rollout. If Obama were serious about destroying ISIS, he’d design their website.
Jesse Jackson declared the Little League organization racist for rescinding the title from the Jackie Robinson team from South Chicago. They played ringers and falsified their addresses. It’s wrong to crack down on cheating because every kid should believe he could someday grow up to be Mayor of Chicago.
The U.S. Olympic hockey team that upset the heavily favored Soviet Union team in the Miracle on Ice in the 1980 Winter Olympics at Lake Placid held a team reunion last weekend. So much has changed in thirty-five years. Today, Miracle on Ice is Washington D.C. going to work when it’s cold.
Veterans Administration head Bob McDonald admitted he lied when he told a wounded Special Forces soldier he was also in Special Forces. He was a U.S. paratrooper. If court-martialed for lying about his military service, McDonald could get four-to-eight weeks as anchor of the NBC Nightly News.
American Sniper starring Bradley Cooper did not win for Best Actor nor did Clint Eastwood win Best Director nor did the movie win for Best Picture. Not a chance with this crowd. The In Memoriam segment had to be edited to avoid referring to the late Sgt. Chris Kyle as the white cop who might have been.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse warned against legalization of marijuana after the latest study on pot’s effect on young people. The study discovered that the use of marijuana by teenagers may seriously affect their judgment once they become adults. It’s based on a study of Obama.
Majority Leader Mitch McConnell split the Homeland Security bill and the defunding of Obama amnesty into two bills. Both parties realized the gravity of the situation. The CIA in secret session just reminded the senators that, if ISIS takes over Washington, adulterers will be stoned to death.
Iran staged naval games in the Persian Gulf as Iran’s speedboats torpedoed and sank a mock U.S. aircraft carrier. Iran made sure its ships were clearly marked. Iran’s navy is safe from U.S. attack long as none of its ships are named Climate Change, White Privilege or Patriot anything.
Donald Trump declared he’s more seriously than ever considering a run for the GOP presidential nomination. He hired a campaign manager. Trump pointed to one poll that shows him with a sixty percent approval rating but actually it’s a thirty percent approval rating that he combed over.
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