The Patriot Post® · The Harpy & the Hapless

I realize that some of you assume that we pundits live glamorous, exciting lives, filled with galas where we get to rub elbows with equally bright and beautiful people. Well, sure, it’s mostly that way. But every once in a while, we have to hop off the merry-go-round and check up on the little people.

That is how I came to find myself watching the five mental midgets trying to pass off a love-fest as a political debate. Like everyone else, I thought Mrs. Clinton came off best. But when your competitors consist of four guys tripping over each other trying to stay in Hillary’s good graces in hopes of landing an ambassadorship or a place in her cabinet, it’s pretty darn hard not to be the last one standing. I mean, short of spinning her head like a top while green bile gushed from her mouth, how could she not come out ahead?

Taking the munchkins in order, Bernie Sanders looked like the cranky old guy up the block who’s always telling the kids to pipe down and get off his lawn. Martin O'Malley reminded us he looks better than Lincoln Chafee and is taller than the other guys. Lincoln Chafee didn’t have much to say, but he smiled a lot, suggesting that he might be spiking his cocoa with Prozac. Jim Webb spent most of the two-and-a-half hours complaining that he wasn’t being given enough time to talk, and when he got the chance to talk had nothing to say.

Unlike the Republican contenders, the five Democrats were united on most issues, if by most issues, you’re referring to the only two they seemed to care about. Those were guns and the climate. The five of them, playing to their common base, agreed that the world would be a finer place if only they could control guns and the weather. One of the few laughs I had during the so-called debate came when Bernie Sanders bragged that he had a D- grade from the NRA, only to have Martin O'Malley top him by boasting he received an F!

Another amusing moment came when the moderator, Anderson Cooper, who did a terrific job, asked Mrs. Clinton what difference there would be between her administration and Obama’s, and she pointed out that the really big difference is that she’s a woman. Feeling as I do about Obama, I feel that’s a difference without much of a distinction, but the Las Vegas audience responded with an ovation.

Bernie Sanders made it as difficult as he could for Hillary to out-flank him with the Left by calling for the feds to spend an additional $18 trillion over the next decade, with $15 trillion going to expand Medicare; $1.2 trillion to increase Social Security; one trillion on infrastructure; $750 billion for tuition-free public colleges and universities; $31.9 billion for paid medical leave; $29 billion to prevent companies from cutting pensions; and $5.5 billion to provide jobs for minority youths. He also has a child care program on the drawing board that hasn’t had a price tag attached to it yet, but it’s safe to say it will bring the final bill even closer to $20 trillion.

Sanders also hasn’t mentioned a $50-an-hour minimum wage, which must remain a gleam in Bernie’s eye until President Hillary makes him Treasury Secretary. It’s the least she can do for him after he told the world that he’s tired of hearing about her private server, which garnered him an ovation along with an appreciative chuckle, smile and handshake, from the lady, herself.

When Cooper asked them which enemies they were proudest to have, Chafee said the coal industry. O'Malley named the NRA. Sanders mentioned Wall Street and the pharmaceutical industry. Webb said the enemy soldier in Vietnam who threw a grenade at him. Clinton named the NRA, drug companies, Iran and, of course, those nasty brutes known as Republicans.

Naturally, nobody mentioned Islam, which is at war with civilization, just as it’s been for the past 1400 years. Nobody even mentioned China, which is busily engaged in turning the South China Sea into a series of man-made islands serving as airbases; cyber-attacking our businesses and the Pentagon; and the ancient Chinese art form known as currency manipulation, which guarantees they inevitably clean our clocks when it comes to trade.

Instead, Snow White and her four dwarfs attacked Wall Street, which funds their political campaigns; the NRA, the organization that does the most to promote gun safety in America; and the pharmaceutical companies that I can guarantee are helping to keep Clinton (67), Webb (69) and Sanders (74) alive.

To sum up the evening, it was like turning on Fox News and finding that Roger Ailes had decided to give all the conservatives the night off, leaving us with nothing but Juan Williams, Geraldo Rivera, Leslie Marshall, Richard Fowler, Bill Burton, Kirsten Powers, Mark Hannah and Alan Colmes.

After spending weeks denying that they’ve been selling fetal tissue and body parts, and, moreover, insisting that the videos that proved them to be liars as well as ogres had been altered to show them in a bad light, Planned Parenthood suddenly announced that they will stop doing what they claim they never did.

Of all the annoying things that Barack Obama says and does, one of the most annoying is his constant reference to something he calls the community of nations. He never identifies who its members are, but if it’s anything like the U.N., it is filled with pigsties such as Iran, Russia, China, Cuba, Afghanistan, Yemen and Syria.

Little kids often have imaginary friends to help protect them in a terrifying world. They’re like comfort blankets they can carry around inside their heads.

By the age of four or five, most of us have outgrown these make-believe buddies, but apparently so many of them took root in Obama’s cranium that he can no longer recall their names and simply refers to them as a community.

Furthermore, because Obama subscribes to the hoax known as man-made climate change and has added total capitulation to the Ayatollah Khamenei to his legacy ledger, he is convinced that he has proven himself to be a leader in the great tradition of Moses, Solomon and David. Unfortunately for the rest of us, it’s not the biblical patriarchs he has in mind, but, rather, the three bong-smoking dudes he hung out with at his favorite Hawaiian bathhouse.

Inasmuch as Donald Trump has promised the American taxpayer that if elected, he will not accept a salary, you would think that Hillary Clinton would at least pledge to forego Air Force One in favor of a broomstick.