The Right Opinion

How to Survive Obama's Economy

By Burt Prelutsky · Oct. 30, 2010

Ever since the campaigns began earlier this year, Democrats, desperate to save their political hides, have been dragging up silly stuff that their opponents allegedly did during their college and even their high school days. Frankly, I’m surprised that conservative candidates haven’t been accused of causing mischief in their nursery school sandboxes.

I can certainly understand why liberals would prefer to have us concentrating on stupid pranks and childish follies than on ObamaCare, a 9.6 unemployment rate and a trillion dollars blown on shovel-ready jobs that existed only on Obama’s teleprompter.

One of the reasons I go to movies as rarely as I do is because I no longer have a reviewer I can totally rely on. Years ago, there was a fellow writing for a local paper named Dick Williams. What made him indispensable was that he was always wrong in his judgments, although, to be fair, he would have said the same about me. In any case, if he panned a movie, it was sure to be one I’d enjoy; if he raved about a movie, I learned to avoid it like the plague. It’s now that way with me and Obama. No matter the issue, if he’s for it, I know it stinks. It’s as if he’s reading my mind and then basing his agenda on no other criteria except to tick me off. Judging by the polls, I’m glad to see I’m not alone in being ticked.

Heaven knows we’ve had other mediocre men in the Oval Office, but I’m pretty certain we’ve never had another who was so contemptuous of our nation. Whether it’s because of his family background, his education or his unfortunate choice of mentors, it’s as if he views America through the wrong end of a telescope. Instead of a great, good and generous country, he sees something small and distant, hardly worth his time and certainly undeserving of his respect and devotion. Ask him what he likes most about America and I suspect his honest answer would be our golf courses.

One of Obama’s most glaring deficiencies is in the area of economics. He apparently believes he can keep throwing money to his base, which consists of unions, minorities and the callow young, and never have to pay the piper. In spite of all the hype about his intellect, he really has a second-rate mind. He fails to grasp the simple fact that the federal government doesn’t make money; it merely prints the stuff.

But because, unlike the great pretender in the White House, I put my country above partisan politics, I have come up with a couple of ways that Washington can start to pay its own way.

First off, when schools want to raise money, they often stage carnivals and, invariably, one of the major attractions is the water-dunking booth. For a buck or two, you get to toss three balls at a target. If you hit it, the boy’s vice principal or one of the phys ed teachers is flipped off a platform and dropped into a tank of cold water. Now imagine if Barney Frank, Henry Waxman or Nancy Pelosi, were perched on that platform. The line of customers would stretch all the way back to Kansas. Not only would it make a dent in the national deficit, but it would do wonders for the nation’s morale.

Another guaranteed moneymaker I’ve come up with combines something people hate with something they love. The first of these is paying their income taxes. The other is a lottery. With the present system, everybody is paying as little as he can get away with, trying to deduct everything from a pack of chewing gum to a trip to Cancun. But what if we tied April 15th to a lottery with first prize being, say, 20 times whatever you paid in taxes, second place being 10 times the amount, third place being five times the total, and with, say, 50 honorable mentions where you’d get your money back, plus a steak dinner? It would sure beat the heck out of that Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes with all those annoying little stickers you have to track down midst all the magazine ads.

Overnight, most people – Americans being the inveterate and optimistic gamblers they are – would be overpaying their taxes on the chance of increasing their prize money.

Now do you see why Tim Geithner should be handing the Treasury job over to me?

Finally, a friend of mine was recently relating the problems he was having with his young daughters, and it occurred to me why dog owners have it so much better than parents: Dogs never become teenagers. They simply go from being adorable little puppies to being our faithful companions.

That led me to an equally dazzling insight: Once liberals become teenagers, they remain teenagers even if they live to be 95! Once you grasp this simple truth everything about leftist politics becomes perfectly, and frighteningly, clear.

View all comments


g.wegmann said:

I know your article is tongue in cheek type writing, but I must take exception that liberals never grow up. The reality of the situation is that we have grown up people plotting to destroy our way of life, and there is nothing funny or amusing to that thought. Dedicated Marxists, secular humanists and ecologhy freaks are a real threat to OUR Republic and peole had better wake up or we will be in a totalitarian state before you know it!

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 9:09 AM

Jodi said:

g.wegmann, I don't know that the idea of liberals never growing up is actually tongue-in-cheek. Obviously, they're physically grown -- but emotionally, they remain in a middle school (maybe high school) state. I cannot tell you how many adults I've come across who simply have not gotten out of that phase in their lives! Now - imagine turning the country over to your local high school to be run by them. What would you get? I'm thinkin' it'd be pretty close to what we have right now... :)

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 9:26 AM

Doktor Riktor Von Zhads said:

"Once liberals become teenagers, they remain teenagers even if they live to be 95""When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." Paul in his first Epistle to the Church at Corinth (Chapter 13 vs 11), certainly summed up stages of growing up to adulthood. A lesson that is permanently lost on the current outlaw neocommie regime.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 9:57 AM

Jimmy D said:

About the infantile psychology of Libs..."Psssst, kid. You don't have to be governed by God. There's a better, even more rational way and you get all the candy you want."The Devil's had his way with so many of us.Later in life some of we wretches have re-claimed reponsibility for our foolish choices through faith in Christ.Others can't help but cling to a thousand justifications. No one has the power to look at all the wrongs they've done and say I'm sorry on their own.Think of Libs as folks driven by emptiness.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 11:21 AM

JJStryder said:

Burt I also find the perfect reverse barometers in the California propositions pamphlet. if I choose not to read the entire boring text, I just see who is for it and who is against it. The teachers union backs an initiative, I'm against it! Easy.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 11:36 AM

GreenClover said:

Good Lord!! Gold/Silver is too high to invest in so I recommend buying canned food to survive the mass inflation that's about to hit us next yr. Buy a can of beans for $1 & eat it in 3 yrs. (expiration date) when it will cost $3. Save $2 & no capital gains.ALso, along those lines, you'll need to read a thriller just out about Americans finally taking a stand against corrupt government. I recommend it cause it's about each of us taking action.www.booksbyoliver.comAnd, we can have a referendum established so we the People, can vote on ObamaCare or tax increases instead of congress thus returning true power to the us.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 12:39 PM

Howard Last in Wyoming said:

The last movie I saw in a theather was either "Patton" or "Death Wish" (the first one). The reason is simple movies are a waste of time. My favorite TV program is "Red Skelton". Yes I know it has been off the air for over 30 years. In other words TV and movies are a waste of time. Democraps never remain teenagers, they remain toddlers in diapers. Reminds me, politicians are like diapers, they both have to be changed often and for the same reason.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 1:10 PM

Hard Thought said:

JJStryder:There was a science fiction writer named Robert A. Heinlein and he wrote a wonderful book called "Time Enough for Love" which chronicled the life of an almost immortal man.The point being that in his memoirs this man said: "If you live in a society that votes, then by all means, do so. If you don't have time to study the issues in detail, find some well meaning 'expert' and find out which way he recommends to vote. Then vote the other way."I use the 'Kansas City Star' newspaper for this barometer.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 1:48 PM

PSU said:

"Now imagine if Barney Frank, Henry Waxman or Nancy Pelosi, were perched on that platform."Well, OK, I imagined that. The problem is, I imagined Barney in a Speedo. Now I feel ill.Hard Thought: I'd also recommend Heinlein's "The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress" for his ideas on the role of government.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 2:55 PM

MoeLarryCurley said:

The Shooting Gallery line will extend much, much farther than Kansas.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 5:59 PM

Bill L. said:

However, Heinlein grew disillusioned as he got older. One of his first novels was called "The Puppet Masters" in which a band of stalwart patriots overthrew alien invaders in order to preserve the Republic.Much later he wrote "Glory Road" in which he espoused a benevolent monarchy.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 6:06 PM

Cowboy in San Antonio said:

Dunking booths attract a lot more attention when the outside temperature is about 40 degrees. The lines get longer, and the clapping louder when the "clown" ends up in the drink. I would like to be in the TV room with certain selected Democ rats as the election numbers come in, and laugh gleefully each time the numbers indicate a Dem loss. I am just so disappointed big O is not on the ballot this time.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 6:38 PM

Burt Prelutsky in North Hills, CA said:

MoeLarryCurley: I thought of the shooting gallery, too, but I then realized you'd only be able to sell one ticket, so there would be no line at all.Burt

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 7:15 PM

Perry said:

"But what if we tied April 15th to a lottery..."I have another idea. It's called "abolish representation without taxation." If you pay, say $10,000 in taxes, then you get 10,000 votes.It would correct the Nanny state in short order.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 7:25 PM

MoeLarryCurley said:

Yet...still a line...

Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 8:32 PM