The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Arizona sheriffs demanded that Homeland Security build a border fence in Arizona. A fence can be partially successful. California’s twenty-foot high border fence hasn’t stopped illegal aliens from reaching U.S. soil but it’s left them slightly winded.
Speaker John Boehner and Senate Majority leader Harry Reid argued over whether Democrats or Republicans should get the blame for a U.S. government shutdown. Both guys have misread the public mood. They should be arguing over who gets the credit.
CBS News reporter Serene Branson froze up and babbled incoherently on the air covering the Grammys. She forgot her words and spoke jibberish. As a result of what happened, she’s been asked to sing the National Anthem at next year’s Super Bowl.
Wisconsin Senate Democrats fled to Illinois to deny Republicans a budget vote quorum. It was a brilliant move. They went to a Best Western with an indoor pool next to a bar so when they come home with bloodshot eyes they can blame it on swimming.
Jesse Jackson led Wisconsin teachers in the singing of We Shall Overcome. It was the first time the song was sung by a crowd averaging a hundred thousand dollars a year with benefits. What are they overcoming, how hard it is to get good help nowadays?
Wisconsin state employee union protesters vowed they will stay in their picket lines and wait there until they win. Then it won’t happen. If there’s one thing a majority of Americans enjoy watching it’s government workers having to wait in line.
Donald Trump told interviewers his experience will help make him a great president in dealing with the deficit. That’s true. His plan is to take government tax revenue, comb it over the deficit, and it’ll look to everyone like we’ve balanced the budget.
President Obama had dinner in San Francisco with high-tech CEOs including Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg. He wants help getting young entrepreneurs to lead us out of this recession. Even marijuana sales are down now because dealers can’t get young people off Facebook.
Libya’s Moammar Khaddafi drew world outrage ordering his troops to open fire on protesters. There goes rehab. Seven years ago, Moammar Khadaffi was taken off America’s state sponsor of terror list and placed on America’s valuable supplier of oil list.
Libya’s oil was seized by eastern tribal chiefs near Benghazi. It’s the world’s lightest, sweetest crude. It’s so valuable that tribal leaders say they will only part with it in exchange for being enrolled in the Wisconsin Teachers Pension Plan.
The Cairo Times reported last week that an Egyptian couple just named their newborn baby Facebook in honor of the social network’s impact on overthrowing President Mubarak. They want the baby to be president of Egypt. That means some of us may have to live another fifty years to enjoy the satisfaction of seeing Facebook overthrown.
Two and a Half Men drew huge ratings for CBS even though it was a rerun Monday, all thanks to Charlie Sheen. In television, the bigger the train wreck the higher the ratings. This fall CBS will launch a sitcom called Two and a Half Health Care Reforms.
White House former chief of staff Rahm Emanuel was elected mayor of Chicago on Tuesday by a landslide. The Democrats are so grateful it wasn’t close. The soil is rock hard from the coldest winter in history and nobody wants to recount the votes.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].