The Patriot Post® · In Brief: Biden vs. the Almighty

Will Joe Biden be the Democrat nominee? A lot of Democrats don’t want him to be, but there he is, stubbornly hanging on. As Biden said, “It depends on if the Lord Almighty comes down and tells me” to drop out. Andrew Klavan riffs on that in a bit of satire.

Sadly, the president of the United States has passed away, but on a happier note, he says he is still running for re-election.

President and Venal Houseplant Joe Biden announced yesterday that though he was now dead, only God Almighty could remove him from the presidential race. God Almighty announced that he already had removed him from the presidential race by bringing him before his throne of judgment where they would soon discuss that 10% he’d been receiving from Hunter’s influence peddling business and by the way, none of this “there’s no evidence” crap in the New York Times was going to work with him because he was omniscient and frankly he didn’t even have to be normally “nishent” to know enough not to get his so-called news from the New York Times.

Biden responded that he was not going to allow elites like God to push him around, saying “I beat Donald Trump once, and I was hardly alive even then. Sitting around in my basement, watching the mold grow. Wearing a mask for some damn reason — a lot of good that did me. And sure, we had to change all the voting rules and let immigrants and small animals and even some insects send in their ballots before I could win, but don’t forget the insects were required to show photo ID. I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to campaign the same way while I’m dead and run the country just as well as whoever is running it now.”

The president’s death became undeniable after a debate with Donald Trump during which Biden responded to questions by lying motionless on the floor and not breathing while rigor mortis set in. The White House press corps was furious about the revelation, saying the administration had conspired to hide the president’s death from them, except for the not breathing and rigor mortis part.

Klavan “quotes” a Leftmedia correspondent before moving on:

Despite the president’s passing, White House spokeswoman Karine Jean Identity-Hire says Biden continues to work as hard as any other dead person.

And he concludes:

Meanwhile, Vice President Kamala Harris says she will continue to stand by the president, because it’s an easier path to power than the stuff she used to have to do for Willie Brown.

Daily Wire subscribers can read the whole thing here.