The Patriot Post® · Thursday Funnies

Jimmy Kimmel: “Statistics for the 47 most damaging hurricanes revealed that those with female names killed twice as many people. The study found that when a hurricane has a woman’s name we take it less seriously and don’t prepare as well. Either that or the female hurricanes want to hang around and cuddle afterwards.”

Conan O'Brien: “A new report out of Chicago reveals that the crime rate plummets during an NFL game. Mainly because the most dangerous criminals are busy on the field.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Last Friday CNN had its worst 10 p.m. ratings of all time, with only 35,000 viewers tuning in. I left it on for my dog, and when I came back, she was reading a newspaper. … Even worse, most of those views came from monitors left on in the background on CNN.”

Fred Thompson: “CNN anchor Jim Clancy said that President Obama got an ‘icy reception’ at his West Point speech. Climate change, I guess. He can expect it every time he uses these cadets as a backdrop.”

Argus Hamilton: “Obama announced the U.S. traded five Taliban prisoners held in Guantanamo for one American who is held captive by the Taliban Saturday. That’s the U.S. government in a nutshell. We can’t even effect a prisoner swap without running up an eighty percent deficit.”

Argus Hamilton: “Obama defended his trading five Taliban commanders for Bowe Bergdahl despite his AWOL status. It looks bad. Whatever danger Bergdahl was in with the Taliban can’t be any worse that the danger he faces when he returns – a trip to a VA Hospital.”