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Is Anybody ‘Ready for Hillary’?

Perhaps the least surprising presidential campaign announcement of all time.

In perhaps the least surprising presidential campaign announcement of all time, Hillary Clinton declared her second bid for a second stint in the White House. It could be, however, that the only one “Ready for Hillary” is Hillary. Because it’s really her turn this time. Don’t screw it up, America.

Her quandary is simple: What do you do when you need to promote the notion that an individual is a “champion of the middle class” when that individual is the poster child of the celebrity governing elite?

You build a marketing campaign around the mirage with a tightly controlled, choreographed public-relations script. And you delete a few thousand emails along the way.

Hillary’s Sunday afternoon video announcement was characteristic of a weak candidate with enough unclaimed baggage to open an outlet store. After all, Hillary’s known for three things, none of which are her personal achievements: Her marriage to Bill, her corrupt influence peddling and her personal email server.

To adequately manage expectations of a hyped Clinton candidate who possesses none of the charisma and friendly persona of her husband, Team Hillary will have to be run very much like Sunday’s rollout — heavily scripted with surrogates on attack against any who dare challenge the machine.

But let’s face it: Hillary isn’t exactly facing stiff competition. Apologies to Martin O'Malley and Lincoln Chafee, two white guys in a party running away from white guys.

In vivid contrast to the announcements of Republican Senators Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, which featured exuberant crowds, upbeat music and soaring vision, the Clinton campaign was a sterile marketed message, plain and simple.

Through a 140-character social media platform, Twitter, and a two-minute video production, the message was, “Everyday Americans need a champion, and I want to be that champion.” She followed with vignettes of “everyday Americans” who could do with a little help from Clinton.

One couple spoke of their move to access a better school. But that serves only to remind voters that Hillary is of the party opposed to school choice. If you can’t move, you’re stuck in a failing school.

In another shot of “everyday Americans,” two men strolling hand-in-hand down a street were said to have upcoming wedding nuptials. There was no mention, however, whether Christian bakeries, photographers or wedding planners would be coerced into service for the wedding arrangements.

Hillary’s voiceover proclaimed that “when America’s families are strong, America is strong.” Yet her party has done so much to dismantle and undermine the family through redefining marriage and 50 years of destructive “Great Society” wealth redistribution. Her party ensures single moms receive their government check and cheaper ObamaCare insurance while married couples are left paying a tax penalty.

But, remember, when you can’t package your authentic stances in a positive manner, you market an image with the help of a supporting cast of characters known as the presstitutes to parrot your hypocritical and deceptive talking points. Hillary is both being marketed and protected by the presstitutes who have ably provided cover for Barack Obama through the years. After all, this gaggle serves as the unpaid communications staff to all things DNC.

Hillary Clinton has been first lady, U.S. senator and secretary of state. Yet her campaign website looks more like a cross between a Lady’s Home Journal and an HGTV landing page — nice pictures with places to sign up and engage, but not a single issue stance.

Expect more of Sunday’s same for the next year and a half, as Hillary Clinton becomes the nominee for the intellectually bankrupt Democrat Party — a marketed mirage speaking to vacuous generalities.

Hillary will appear to be everywhere and accessible to all. In reality, she’ll be accessible only to her own champions and hiding from the unscripted world. But hey, if she wins, maybe she’ll return the silverware she stole when she left “dead broke” last time.

> Update: In a press release for Hillary’s candidacy, her staff wrote “she’s fought children and families all her career.” Clearly they left out a word, though we’d say it’s more accurate without it.

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