Jordan Candler / August 8, 2022

Monday Short Cuts

Notable quotables from John Cooper, Dick Cheney, Dean Obeidallah, Stacey Abrams, and more.

A Blind Squirrel Finds a Nut

“I want to take a moment to say a few words about the so-called Inflation Reduction Act that we are debating this evening. I say so-called because according to the CBO and other economic organizations that have studied this bill, it will in fact have a minimal impact on inflation.” —Senator Bernie Sanders

For the Record

“This bill creates 87,000 new IRS agents. It doubles the size of the IRS. … The Democrats are making the IRS bigger than the Pentagon, plus the Department of State, plus the FBI, plus the Border Patrol combined.” —Senator Ted Cruz

“The army of … new IRS agents Joe Manchin and Chuck Schumer’s bill will hire is 50,000 more than the number of new recruits the actual Army will bring in this year.” —John Cooper

Non Compos Mentis Award

“In our nation’s 246-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our Republic than Donald Trump.” —former Vice President Dick Cheney

Theater of the Absurd

“At this point I LITERALLY view people who still support Donald Trump no different than the despicable, vile people who supported Bin Laden after 9/11.” —CNN columnist and radio show host Dean Obeidallah

“The Taliban should be suing the GOP for trademark infringement.” —Dean Obeidallah

“Today’s GOP is no longer a political party, it’s a white nationalist, FASCIST movement that seeks to impose their EXTREME religious beliefs as the law of our land. It must be utterly defeated in order to save our Republic.” —Dean Obeidallah

Yellow Journalism

“Politically, at this moment, this is a very good [jobs] report for President Biden. First of all, we had a couple of weeks ago a silly extended debate over whether or not we were in a recession. These numbers make pretty clear we are not in a recession.” —CNN White House correspondent John Harwood

“Sex is a major driver of the global monkeypox outbreak. But health officials and longtime HIV activists say calls for abstinence don’t work.” —The Washington Post

Non Sequitur

“Abortion is a medical decision. It is also a decision that women make because they are not ready to be mothers. … My responsibility as a legislator is to make certain that we allow doctors and nurses and medical professionals to make medical decisions and that politicians stay out of it.” —Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams

“While your faith tradition may tell you that you personally do not want to make that choice, it is not my right as a Christian to impose that value system on someone else. Because the value that should overhang everything is the right to make our own decisions, the free will that the God I believe in gave us.” —Stacey Abrams

And Last…

“They closed churches and schools and left open marijuana dispensaries and liquor stores. They cut us off from our grandparents but won’t cut off gay orgies over stigmatization. There is no reason to listen to public health officials again.” —Erick Erickson

“Reminder: Every time you use ‘preferred pronouns,’ you are validating a movement that is permanently sterilizing & deforming minors and allowing men into girls’ restrooms. You’re not being polite or empathetic. You’re being complicit in one of the gravest evils our culture faces.” —Allie Beth Stuckey

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