June 21, 2013

Obama Astounded to Discover That He’s Married

WASHINGTON – President Obama, in a press release this morning, revealed that he was “surprised” to discover that he has apparently been married for quite some time.

“The first I heard of it was when I saw a CNN report on my wife … uh … ‘Michelle,’ apparently … delivering an address to the National Coalition of Lobster Producers,” said the President. “This was as much a surprise to me as discovering that there were rogue agents in the IRS, of which I also learned from watching CNN.”

Presidential spokesperson Jay Carney was quick to point out that there are several layers of bureaucracy in any marriage, and that nobody on the White House Staff was aware of the marriage until CNN broke the story on March 22, 2013.

Evidence suggests that the marriage has been an on-going situation, as the President has also learned that he has two children, although their names, genders, and exact ages were not provided in the press briefing.

“I think it important to note,” Carney told reporters, “that at least one and possibly both of these children were already in place at the time the previous administration occupied the White House.”

It is possible that one or perhaps both were conceived during a Republican administration, or when there was a Republican majority in Congress.

New reports of this heretofore unknown First Lady have been surfacing, including some disturbing allegations of lavish spending on travel and accommodations over the past four years.

When questioned by reporters on the subject, Carney replied that while “such wild allegations were inevitable in an era of Republican overreach,” the President himself rarely accompanied the First Lady and had thus been completely unaware of any travel, if indeed any travel had taken place.

The Justice Department has announced it will be investigating possible leaks related to the revelation of the First Lady’s existence on CNN.

As a part of this investigation, Attorney General Eric Holder has obtained a warrant for all Fox News emails for the past 96 months.

This article a satire written by The People’s Cube author “Ivan Betinov.”

Who We Are

The Patriot Post is a highly acclaimed weekday digest of news analysis, policy and opinion written from the heartland — as opposed to the MSM’s ubiquitous Beltway echo chambers — for grassroots leaders nationwide. More

What We Offer

On the Web

We provide solid conservative perspective on the most important issues, including analysis, opinion columns, headline summaries, memes, cartoons and much more.

Via Email

Choose our full-length Digest or our quick-reading Snapshot for a summary of important news. We also offer Cartoons & Memes on Monday and Alexander’s column on Wednesday.

Our Mission

The Patriot Post is steadfast in our mission to extend the endowment of Liberty to the next generation by advocating for individual rights and responsibilities, supporting the restoration of constitutional limits on government and the judiciary, and promoting free enterprise, national defense and traditional American values. We are a rock-solid conservative touchstone for the expanding ranks of grassroots Americans Patriots from all walks of life. Our mission and operation budgets are not financed by any political or special interest groups, and to protect our editorial integrity, we accept no advertising. We are sustained solely by you. Please support The Patriot Fund today!


The Patriot Post and Patriot Foundation Trust, in keeping with our Military Mission of Service to our uniformed service members and veterans, are proud to support and promote the National Medal of Honor Heritage Center, the Congressional Medal of Honor Society, both the Honoring the Sacrifice and Warrior Freedom Service Dogs aiding wounded veterans, the National Veterans Entrepreneurship Program, the Folds of Honor outreach, and Officer Christian Fellowship, the Air University Foundation, and Naval War College Foundation, and the Naval Aviation Museum Foundation. "Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one's life for his friends." (John 15:13)

★ PUBLIUS ★

“Our cause is noble; it is the cause of mankind!” —George Washington

Please join us in prayer for our nation — that righteous leaders would rise and prevail and we would be united as Americans. Pray also for the protection of our Military Patriots, Veterans, First Responders, and their families. Please lift up your Patriot team and our mission to support and defend our Republic's Founding Principle of Liberty, that the fires of freedom would be ignited in the hearts and minds of our countrymen.

The Patriot Post is protected speech, as enumerated in the First Amendment and enforced by the Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, in accordance with the endowed and unalienable Rights of All Mankind.

Copyright © 2024 The Patriot Post. All Rights Reserved.

The Patriot Post does not support Internet Explorer. We recommend installing the latest version of Microsoft Edge, Mozilla Firefox, or Google Chrome.