Wednesday Chronicle

Chronicle

Oct. 24, 2001

THE FOUNDATION

“God grants liberty only to those who love it and are always ready to guard and defend it.” –Daniel Webster

INSIGHT

“Nothing is terrible except fear itself.” –Francis Bacon

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” –Charles Dickens

“He who prays as he ought will endeavour to live as he prays.” –John Owen

“Wherever souls are being tried and ripened, in whatever commonplace and homely way, there God is hewing out the pillars for his temple.” –Phillips Brooks

“I wish they would remember that the charge to Peter was ‘Feed my sheep,’ not ‘Try experiments on my rats,’ or even ‘Teach my performing dogs new tricks’.” –C.S. Lewis

“Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations.” –Elton Trueblood

“Though in many of its aspects this visible world seems formed in love, the invisible spheres were formed in fright.” –Herman Melville

“None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license.” –John Milton

“We commit our resources and risk the lives of those in our armed forces…to prevent humankind from drowning in a sea of tyranny.” –Ronald Reagan

UPRIGHT

“History is taking its measure of us as a nation and as individuals.” –Linda Bowles

“Respect for facts has a tenuous hold on the allegiance of public policymakers, journalists, academics, and many others with agendas unsupported by the facts.” –Paul Craig Roberts

“…[B]oth words and deeds are needed to fight against evil. They remind us all that this is no time to be a passive bystander.” –Suzanne Fields

“Coalitions are a means and not an end.” –Charles Krauthammer

“The most far-reaching peril is that Congress, tempted to do something, will do the wrong thing at the expense of our freedoms and liberties.” –Wesley Pruden

“…[I]t’s a lot easier to avoid stepping into an abyss than to climb out of it. It’s a lot easier to avoid making enemies than to defend yourself when they want to kill you.” –Joseph Sobran

“America does not like to think of itself in terms of social classes, but there are elites, and these elites sometime seem to be holding themselves aloof from the work of defending the nation at time of great peril.” –John Leo

“We just don’t need the mixed messages about whether or not the sky is falling and how we can duck if it is.” –Dan K. Thomasson

“Go to work. Don’t ask your doctor for Cipro. Don’t buy a gas mask. Take the kids to the park; take your wife to a restaurant. Open your mail. Boycott Drew Barrymore’s movie (you know it’s no good anyway).” –Michael Kelly

“It is a key balancing act we have to engage in as a nation right now. It would be very easy to forget about personal liberties and worry only about the national security.” –Rep. Bob Barr

“Before the 11th of September, [campaign finance reform] was the lowest thing on the American radar screen for people outside of Washington, D.C. And my guess is that it is even further lower now than it was then.” –Rep. Dick Armey

“Saddam Hussein has killed more Muslims than we ever have, as has Bin Laden. … Yet these people consider us to be the focus of evil in the modern world." –Rush Limbaugh

EDITORIAL EXEGESIS

"Four men responsible for killing 224 persons in the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in Tanzania and Kenya were sentenced to life imprisonment last week. The jury is to be commended for bringing these men – disciples of Osama bin Laden who seem to have no regrets for their actions – to justice. Unfortunately, in the time it has taken to sentence them, their indicted accomplices – the most prominent of which is bin Laden – have been free to cause more death. In May, when the four were convicted, at least a dozen other men indicted in connection with the embassy bombings were at large. Seven of them, including bin Laden, are now on the FBI and State Department’s most-wanted lists. Bin Laden took advantage of his time as a fugitive to attend a convention for 200,000 students from Muslim countries in April, when he urged ‘the young generation to get ready for the holy war, and to prepare for that in Afghanistan because jihad in this time of crisis for Muslims is an obligation of all Muslims’. …While the [September 11th] hijackers’ deaths silenced any defense strategy they would advance, the four sentenced Thursday serve as portraits of the shamelessness with which bin Laden’s disciples carried out evil…. These men, and their accomplices at large, have not been true to their faith, their family or their countrymen. Their lack of remorse highlights the depth to which humanity can fall. Godspeed to those who will bring justice to their accomplices and their godfather, Osama bin Laden.” –Washington Times

DEZINFORMATSIA

“The fear now: that the cycle of revenge will only escalate in that part of the world.” –NBC talkinghead Tom Brokaw on how Israel’s acts of self-defense against attacks on its innocent citizens are somehow morally equivalent to Palestinian terrorism

“This time, there was no glide down. My head was so full. I had to be back at the office at nine the next morning. I tried to read for awhile, something completely different. I read the Bible. Frequently that will take my mind off things.” –CBS talkinghead Dan Rather on reading “something completely different.”

SOCIOCRATS

“I think we were all victimized by this.” –Sen. Ms. Hillary (Mrs. Bill Clinton) Rodham-Clinton on the 9-11 attack. **It would not be much of a stretch to read into this assertion that she includes her personal ambitions as a “victim.”

“To have Tom DeLay delay an airport security bill is immoral, is wrong, and it just doesn’t make any sense.” –Rep. Nita Lowey (D-NY)

“Just as we need to examine the contents of our own colons, we need to examine the contents of our government.” –Author Alice Walker, at a rally for quintessential Sociocrat Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA), comparing the contents of the Bush administration to the contents of her bowel before her recent 10-day fast. (Lee, you may recall, was the lone dissenting vote in the House measure in support of President Bush’s actions against Afghanistan.)

“What this country needs is…a national identification card with a photo but also a fingerprint and some other piece of unique information, such as an iris or retinal scan. That way, you can prove you are who you say you are.” –Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen

VILLAGE IDIOTS

Much to the surprise of her handlers, Village Matriarch, Ms. Hillary Rodham-Clinton, was booed off the stage by Patriots at last Saturday night’s Concert For New York. The most vigorous jeering came from New York firefighters and police officers in the front rows. Firefighter Michael Moran, brother of Battalion Chief John Moran, who died under the rubble of 9-11, summed up his colleagues opinion: “She wants to spew her nonsense – she doesn’t believe the things she says. I don’t think there has ever been a sincere word that has ever come out of her mouth.” Another Village Celeb, Actor Richard Gere, was also booed from the stage after commenting, “I think in the [attack on Bin Laden] right now…we can turn it into compassion and love and understanding.”

“The American flag stands for intimidation, censorship, violence, bigotry, sexism, homophobia and shoving the Constitution through a paper shredder. Whom are we calling terrorists here?” –Author Barbara Kingsolver

From the “Village Academic Curriculum” File: “Please remind your staff that sending unsolicited e-mails containing political, religious or even patriotic messages to groups such as units, departments or other library lists is an unacceptable use of library e-mail. This is true for messages which are original, forwarded and responses to other messages.” –University of California, Los Angeles, e-mail memo reiterating the university policy on patriotic messages.

SHORT CUTS

“In the new ranking of national priorities, survival has zipped right to the top of the heap.” –Ann Coulter

“It’s hard to ignore a $10 million dollar suggestion, no matter how ridiculous and immoral.” –Debbie Schlussel

“When you climb into a ‘coalition’ bed you’ve got to be ready for the bad breath of the devil.” –Barry Farber

“Did you know that the American CIA Director is actually Egyptian? …Yes, Egyptian … because he had responsibility for the disaster of Sept. 11 and actually kept his job. Only an Egyptian could do that!” –Joke appearing in a major newspaper in Cairo, Egypt.

“Sept. 11 is often described as a wake-up call of one sort or another. In terms of controlling our borders, the phone is literally ringing off the hook.” –Don Feder

“I never thought that I would see From Washington the Congress flee, The members making hasty tracks From the peril that is anthrax. Yet that appears to be the plan Of our brave leaders, to a man, As from the Hill, ever louder, Comes the cry, ‘Let’s take a powder’. …On Congress it will never dawn That freedom thrives when it is gone.” –Lyn Nofziger

“Congressmen already have their gas masks…. Now Congress has its supplies of Cipro, and the rest of us, who don’t, can relax. If danger imperils the rest of us, that’s just a risk congressmen are willing to take.” –Wesley Pruden

“How many American elite does it take to screw in a light bulb?” –Diane Alden

“The Operative-in-Charge of the CIA’s Identification Section claims to have turned up reliable evidence that Yasser Arafat is actually Roger Clinton without a shave.” –Norman Liebmann

“The rudeness of New Yorkers is almost a tourist attraction. It’s a phony one. New Yorkers at least have the consideration not to subject you to saccharine smiley-fascism. They’re not cuddly. That’s why I like them. You can talk to N'Yawkers without feeling as if you had grabbed a sticky doorknob. The city can be rough, but it’s human.” –Fred Reed

“Do you know what APEC really stands for? A Perfect Excuse for Chattering.” –Harvey Feldman, senior fellow at the Heritage Foundation

“A rumor swept about the medium [the Internet], a year or so back, that a proposal was making way that would charge 5 cents for every communication sent out on the Internet. The very idea is heretical, like charging for Communion wafers.” –William F. Buckley, Jr.

Night Lines:

Jay Leno…. The ground war in Afghanistan has begun. The big thing now is who will have the power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is removed. I have an idea – I have an idea! How about Al Gore? He’s not doing anything, he needs a job, and he already has a beard. …. A new record was set today in the 400-yard dash. It was set by 400 congressmen! …. Today big Hollywood executives met with congressional members to see what they can be doing to help out. Here’s an idea – how about fewer shows like “Temptation Island,” “Fear Factor” and “Blind Date”? …. What a change here in Hollywood. I remember when people couldn’t wait until they got an envelope full of white powder. …. The networks are like how-to guides for the terrorists. Like I was watching the news today and there’s a reporter saying, “If you put the anthrax right here it will kill thousands, because this is not guarded from noon to 1:30.” …. Experts are saying to iron your mail, that will kill the anthrax. This won’t work. Guys would rather die than iron. …. Today I got a piece of suspicious mail. I didn’t open it and I threw it away. It was strange – it said something about jury duty on the envelope. …. More and more news coming out on Osama bin Laden. He’s 6'5" and has 42 children – or, as he would be called in the NBA, a rookie!

David Letterman…. Hi, I’m the host of the show, I’m Dave Letterman. I’m an infidel and proud of it. …. I am feeling a little weird tonight – I mixed my Viagra with Cipro. …. Well it’s official! CBS has finally got anthrax in the mail. As usual, we’re number three. …. With all this anthrax, the good thing is that people aren’t so concerned about secondhand smoke. …. Earlier this week Bill and Hillary Clinton celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary! It was a great time, they went to a midtown restaurant, they had a lovely time – Bill brought a date. …. CNN has a deal where they are going to ask Osama bin Laden six questions. Have you seen the list? Question number four is “Do you miss playing the role of Cat Stevens?” …. Congress is acting all calm and telling us not to panic – as they run down the steps!

Argus Hamilton…. The Pentagon reports Taliban positions were pounded all weekend with 2,000-pound bombs dropped from F-16s and Hellfire rockets fired from drone planes. After Sunday’s airstrikes, Afghanistan has a new ruler. His name is Barney Rubble. …. The Navy apologized Friday for an anti-gay slur written on one of the bombs dropped on Afghanistan last week. It was both offensive and out of place. If Americans want to watch gay bombs, they can set their VCRs for Ellen’s new sitcom. …. The Asian Pacific Economic Cooperation Conference began in Shanghai last week with twenty-one nations of the Pacific Rim in attendance. On Thursday, Red China agreed to join the War on Terrorism. Now the question is, on which side? …. Air Force F-16s bombed a building Saturday housing the Taliban’s religious police. It’s called the Ministry for the Protection of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. Why Bill Clinton neglected to bomb this place to smithereens is tonight’s Mystery on A&E. …. Attorney General John Ashcroft said anybody who mails white powder as a joke will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Americans are behind him one hundred percent. We have elected enough jokes to know what’s funny and what isn’t. …. U.S. geologists were able to give Osama bin Laden’s location due to the rock formations behind him during his taped broadcasts. In them, he’s surrounded by marble shale which explains why nobody’s near him. He’s in the U.S. Capitol rotunda.

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