Wednesday Chronicle


Nov. 28, 2001


“It is a common observation here that our cause is the cause of all mankind, and that we are fighting for their liberty in defending our own.” –Benjamin Franklin


“Character, not circumstances, makes the man.” –Booker T. Washington

“Where there is one brave man, in the thickest of the fight, there is the post of honor.” –Henry David Thoreau

“Man is unjust, but God is just; and finally justice triumphs.” –Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“God is always trying to give good things to us, but our hands are too full to receive them.” –St. Augustine

“Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.” –Dwight D. Eisenhower

“No indulgence of passion destroys the spiritual nature so much as respectable selfishness.” –George MacDonald

“I love agitation and investigation and glory in defending unpopular truth against popular error.” –James Garfield

“Never undertake anything for which you wouldn’t have the courage to ask the blessing of heaven.” –G.C. Lichtenberg

“Man … must necessarily be subject to the laws of his Creator….” –William Blackstone

“Every victory for human freedom will be a victory for world peace.” –Ronald Reagan


“God in His goodness has never blessed a people or a nation so mightily as He has America the Beautiful. That is the simple and profound gift to the saints and strangers who live in this place called America.” –Diane Alden

“While government continues to encroach upon those freedoms supposedly guaranteed by the Constitution we are still the freest people on earth.” –Lyn Nofziger

“Pride goeth before the fall of tall buildings that once graced the Manhattan skyline. Like the Pilgrims, we too have come through a time of trial and tribulation. Let us emulate them by acknowledging the real source of national security and so be worthy of Heaven’s continued blessings.” –Don Feder

“Narcissists feel little gratitude, because they have an enormous sense of entitlement. …God doesn’t need our gratitude. We need to express it. We need to remind ourselves of how incredibly lucky we are to live in a free country. We need to pause and thank all those, living and dead, who fought and suffered to keep us free.” –David C. Stolinsky

“We must see this perilous mission through to its ultimate end – if for no other reason than to ensure that those in the World Trade Center and Pentagon did not die in vain.” –Victor Davis Hanson

“Have no doubt that in this fight against terror and despotism, we are on God’s side. Thank God we have the means and the will to fight – and to win this war.” –John LeBoutillier

“The U.S. can bomb Afghanistan to dust but terrorism will remain. In some bizarre thought process understood only in Washington, D.C., the possibility of tightening up immigration laws paralyzes most politicians.” –Rep. Tom Tancredo

“News-gathering does not have to stop during a war. But news is what has actually happened. Rumors and speculation are not news. Nor are American military plans news. Reporting these plans and jeopardizing Americans’ lives is espionage.” –Thomas Sowell

“The use of embryos to clone is wrong. We should not, as a society, grow life to destroy it.” –President George W. Bush


“The fact is we are well past the time in this country when scientists could chase dreams outside the arena of politics and elections. It’s all now connected, and never more so than with cloning or stem-cell research. Speak the word ‘embryo’ and immediately you are inside the arena of ‘reproductive freedom’ (abortion), a weapon no liberal politician fails to swing these days at a conservative opponent. No matter how legitimate, tough or even interesting the ethical questions surrounding the cloning, and later destruction, of many thousands of embryos for medicine, very few of the politicized advocates of ‘reproductive freedom’ are going to concede even a suggestion of human potential inside those unfertilized embryos; then the door might open to a rethinking of the morally superior claims made for abortion rights. …Around those little embryos, whatever their potential for therapy or life, now looms an array of imposing interests – politics, the law, patent rights, the needs of companies such as Advanced Cell to attract capital and not least the kind of agreed-upon moral underpinnings with which this country started its own life. ‘Life,’ of course, is one of those famous inalienable rights, which the Declaration’s text described as ‘endowed by their Creator.’ If Advanced Cell’s controversial announcement of cloned human embryos gets us back to arguing over what we think now of such fundamentals, so much the better.” –Wall Street Journal


“Illegal alien [is a] formidable ethnic slur among the most dangerous kind of slurs because it has gained wide acceptance at many levels of society.” –Columnist George Benge arguing that “illegal” is synonymous with “[some specific] ethnicity”

“Like an unwelcome specter from an unhappy past, the ominous word ‘quagmire’ has begun to haunt conversations among government officials and students of foreign policy, both here and abroad.” –New York Times’ R.W. Apple **Perhaps “haunting” because any “quagmire” is known to be dead?

“Speaking of the media, I have but one thing to tell you. Don’t trust anything you see on TV…. I witnessed how sensationalistic the media can be during the Florida recount. It’s even worse here. We covered a pro-Taliban demonstration last week attended by maybe 5,000 protestors. CNN stated there were 50,000. The BBC estimated 40,000. We’re continually hearing of ‘violent clashes with police’ when the TV stations report on non-violent demonstrations we covered ourselves.” –New York Times photographer Vincent Laforet **Like the New York Times always gets it “right”?

“In fact, most of the items on our political agenda … are ALL justified by the war on terrorism! Thanks, evildoers.” –Gary Trudeau in comic strip “Doonesbury” putting fictitious – and offensive – words in President Bush’s mouth.

“No. You don’t have a higher duty. No. No. You’re a reporter!” –CBS’s Mike Wallace on whether “journalists” should have any loyalty to their own nation when at war.

This week’s “MediaBusters” Award recipient: “We don’t want to know. OK? They’re young boys. It’s scary enough. Leave ‘em alone. Everybody say it: We don’t want to know…. No, it’s not for us; it’s for you and your cocktail chatter at parties in D.C. But we don’t want to know. Leave our boys alone over there. All right?” –Comedian Dennis Miller


“Bill Clinton’s office, located at 55 West 125th Street, is seeking interns in its understaffed scheduling department. Intern will answer phones, take requests, and follow through on such requests. Also will be responsible for light computer work and keeping track of calendar. Flexible days/hours.” –Excerpt reportedly from a Columbia University “Help Wanted” online posting **Sounds plausible, as Mr. Clinton seemed to prefer “understaffed” positions.

“Support our president even though he is a plutocratic parasitic insect that sucks the blood of the working people.” –Tony Blankley translation of political strategy that Mr. Mary Matalin Carville urged on Demo clients

“You made an ethnically and racially derogatory remark and I hope you think about what you said. It is not appreciated. It is no longer a part of modern English. The phrase just isn’t used in good company anymore.” –Sacramento, California, City Council Member Lauren Hammond, replying to a local lawyer’s remark, “I think we should call a spade a spade.” **We checked, Ms. Hammond, and the word “spade” refers to a type of shovel.


“The way I see the current times, the world is like the seventh game of the World Series. And it’s the seventh inning. And we’re down by three runs. But we’ve got two innings left. We’ve got six more at-bats. We have not been eliminated yet, you understand? And while there’s life, there’s hope. But you’d have to say that we’ve got our backs to the wall.” –Ted Turner, likening the world’s predicament to “extreme baseball.”

“I had accepted the fact that I would probably just have a series of relationships … and produce children from a multitude of partners. I would be the female Mick Jagger…. Before meeting George, I pondered a future with an adopted baby or a lesbian lifestyle.” –Alexandra Wentworth, new wife of Clintonista George Stephanopoulos, on her various possible life trajectories.

“This started out as a documentary on gun violence in America, but the largest mass murder in our history was just committed – without the use of a single gun! Not a bullet fired! I can’t stop thinking about this. A thousand gun control laws would never have prevented this massacre. What am I doing?” –Leftist Hollywonk Michael Moore rethinking gun control.

“Ronald Reagan, ex-President, deserves to experience a horrible death soon, and is getting what he deserves [in contracting Alzheimer’s Disease]. …As President, he couldn’t remember to deal with the growing AIDS pandemic, couldn’t remember to give some money to the Centers for Disease Control for drug treatment research, couldn’t remember to authorize the publication of factual information about how the disease was being spread, etc. – all because he is a het supremacist, and the suffering and dying were 'only Queers.’ Ronald Reagan is personally responsible for the long and torturous deaths of hundreds of thousands of gay men in the U.S.A. from AIDS.” –Web site, which also lists among “het supremacists” deserving a “horrible death”: Sen. Jesse Helms

From the “Village Academic Curriculum” File: Columbia University is distributing a two-hour al Qaeda terrorist recruitment video featuring superstar Osama bin Laden. The video, in Arabic, contains some English commentary. Professor Richard Bulliet, the project’s initiator, says, “It is a very effective piece of propaganda.”


“Actually, you probably don’t know this, but there were two turkeys brought to Washington for this occasion. By custom, an alternate is always on hand to fill in if needed. This one right here – his name is Liberty. And the other turkey, the alternate, his name is Freedom. Now, Freedom is not here because he’s in a secure and undisclosed location.” –President George W. Bush

“It’s the Rumsfeld transformation.” –Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld pointing to a photo of Special Forces on horseback in Afghanistan.

“With his ‘Wanted: Dead or Alive’ message, today’s President Bush showed he has his priorities straight. (Better dead than pled.)” –William Safire

“We had gotten to the point that even thinking about God during a moment of silence was branded offensive. But all that changed after Sept. 11. Now, God is discussed more than Britney Spears. And getting better reviews, too.” –Dick Feagler

“I’ve finally figured out what to do with Osama bin Ladin if we capture him alive. Parachute him into Iraq so we can begin bombing the hell out of the place.” –Lyn Nofziger

“If you don’t think human cloning is scary imagine, if you will, two Bill Clinton’s, two Hillarys and two Jesse Jacksons.” –Lyn Nofziger

“The Taliban’s fat holy men banned kite flying, transistor radios, pulchritude in public, and clean-shaven men. …Had the Taliban remained in power I would not have been surprised to hear of a jihad being declared against the Gillette Corp., whose founder – an American, naturally – encouraged the West’s shocking facial depilating by inventing the safety razor.” –R. Emmett Tyrrell

“…[W]hat is ‘altruism’? A terrible strategy for true-false tests.” –Bob Thaves in the comic strip “Frank & Ernest”

Night Lines:

Jay Leno…. This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300 million. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she’ll get his money, he’ll be dead in a week. …. The CIA said today that the former President of Afghanistan was castrated when the Taliban took over the country. Boy, and you thought Clinton was worried about getting impeached! …. The Taliban is now migrating from Kabul to the rural areas of Afghanistan to fight the war. Rural areas? Isn’t the whole country rural? Has anyone ever mistaken Kabul for the Epcot Center? …. The latest from the Pentagon is that in order not to risk the lives of our soldiers, we will be sending the Amway people from cave to cave. …. Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures – just like the French to show up after the hard work has been done. …. Al Gore has taken a job as vice president of a financial company. Vice president? What is with this guy – he just can never get over the hump!

David Letterman…. I don’t know about you, but I feel like Thanksgiving came early because it was so warm. I mean, to me it doesn’t feel like it’s Ramadan. …. The Taliban is collapsing faster than the New York Giants defense! …. Osama bin Laden is still hiding in a cave with all his buddies. You know it gets tough in that close of space and there’s a lot of tension. So over the weekend Osama and the boys got together and watched the “Jihad Bloopers Reel.” …. There are over 1,600 Marines in Afghanistan going cave to cave to get bin Laden – and they are all disguised as Jehovah’s Witnesses. …. President Bush has authorized the drop of 15,000-pound bombs on Afghanistan. I believe that is the heaviest ordered drop by a president since … well, Monica. …. There are 10 Osama bin Laden look-alikes in Afghanistan – and one of them is Al Gore! …. The news is that we have killed one out of the three top leaders of the Taliban. So I believe that leaves Curly and Moe.

Argus Hamilton…. National Geographic announced Tuesday their cartographers are drawing up a new map of Afghanistan. The map divides the region according to the four tribes who now share control of the country. They are the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. …. U.S. Special Forces put down a Taliban prisoner revolt in Afghanistan Sunday. They had to dodge random gunfire between warring ethnic groups and heroin suppliers. Who says U.S. high schools don’t provide vocational training for the real world? …. The Professional Liars Tournament got underway in Burlington, Wisconsin, Sunday. Each contestant is judged on the originality of tall tales, the sincerity of flat-out lies, and eye contact during assurances of marriage. First prize is twenty years in Congress. …. Boston scientists announced Sunday they have successfully cloned a human embryo for the first time. Congress tried to outlaw the procedure in July. In a vote nobody will forget, 350 white guys in blue suits and red ties voted unanimously to ban cloning. …. President Bush signed an executive order Sunday to deliver 10,000 tons of United States wheat to the Afghanistan people. The administration is stepping up the war effort to finish off the Taliban. We’ve decided to drop the Crouton Bomb. …. ABC was flooded with complaints about the Victoria’s Secret Christmas Fashion Show, which aired last week. It wasn’t needed at all. If Americans want a teddy they can see through, the History Channel has plenty of specials on Chappaquiddick.

Coronavirus got you homebound?
Stay current with America’s News Digest.