Wednesday Chronicle

Chronicle

Dec. 12, 2001

THE FOUNDATION

“Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principles.” –George Washington

INSIGHT

“Wisdom and goodness to the vile seem vile….” –William Shakespeare

“The best things and best people rise out of their separateness. I’m against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise.” –Robert Frost

“God will not be absent when His people are on trial; he will stand in court as their advocate, to plead on their behalf.” –Charles H. Spurgeon

“The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention." –Duguet

"The man for whom law exists – the man of forms, the conservative – is a tame man.” –Henry David Thoreau

“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.” –Harriet Beecher Stowe

“Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst.” –Frederick Buechner

“God doesn’t call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them.” –Richard Parker

“The Kingdom of Heaven is not for the well-meaning: it is for the desperate.” –James Denney

“We believe the best way to assure prosperity is to generate more jobs. The Democrats believe in more welfare.” –Ronald Reagan (1972)

UPRIGHT

“If you harbor a terrorist, you’re a terrorist. If you feed a terrorist, you’re a terrorist.” –George W. Bush

“…[I]f … [the 9-11 dead] could see how our country is united to preserve freedom from terror, they’d be proud. Proud of our unity, proud of our strength, and proud of the determination to find, root out and deal with the evil of terrorism and those who seek to terrorize. And we will. We will remember their lives, and retell their stories, again and again, so that neither the nation nor the world will ever forget.” –Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

“Nobody wants to capture Osama bin Laden and have him tried by Judge Ito for two years.” –Justice Antonin Scalia

“Real heroes do not seek the applause of others; their reward was found in what they did. They make most of us seem small – especially that crowd in Washington, D.C.” –Chuck Baldwin

“The average American is always more courageous than the average lawyer, politician or government official.” –Wesley Pruden

“We are all Americans. And as Americans, we have a duty to protect the freedoms that make our union the example and the envy of the world.” –Charlton Heston

“Like our families, our nation gives us an identity and nurtures us. In the case of America, it also offers unparalleled personal freedom and prosperity. To turn against such a nation is an act of ingratitude that must make the angels sigh.” –Don Feder

“Compassion comes after victory, not before it, not alongside it. First victory, then greatness of spirit.” –Michael Ledeen

“Limited-government types worry that wars lead to permanent expansion of government budgets and programs. Civil libertarians fear the fight against terrorism will do irreparable damage to basic freedoms.” –Steve Chapman

“A gun-free world would be much more dangerous for women, and much safer for brutes and tyrants.” –Dave Kopel, Paul Gallant & Joanne Eisen

“The truth is that the UN cannot create peace or end terrorism, but it can vastly expand its power over the lives of U.S. citizens. We must resist any attempt by the UN to advance its agenda in the wake of the September 11th tragedy.” –Rep. Ron Paul

EDITORIAL EXEGESIS

“New York City officials have been revising their estimates of how many thousands died in and around the World Trade Center on September 11; counting has been slow because the murderers left few bodies. The total death toll, including those killed at the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania, now looks as though it could reach 3,245. To put that in perspective: It is more than all the deaths at Pearl Harbor; more than all the deaths at Saratoga, or the Battle of New Orleans; more than all who perished in the New York draft riots, or the Chicago Fire, or the San Francisco earthquake, or on the Titanic. Because of the courage of the rescue workers, the gallantry of the passengers of Flight 93, and the strength of the Promethean trade towers, the toll was not higher. Because of our just anger, the toll of our enemies will be much higher.” –National Review **In marking the three-month anniversary of 9-11, it is fitting to note the final death tally would indeed have been much higher – if not for the courage and strength of the American spirit.

DEZINFORMATSIA

This week’s “Leftmedia Non Compos Mentis” Award: “Well, after two months of war in Afghanistan the U.S. acknowledged today it has no senior al Qaeda members in custody.” –ABC talkinghead Peter Jennings on what to lament in the absence of that “quagmire.” **That’s because SecDef Don Rumsfeld indicated a preference for the “dead” part of Mr. Bush’s ‘Wanted: Dead or Alive’ warrant.

This week’s “Sagacity” Award: “… [W]hat makes the President – I’m taking note of his wide-swinging threats in speeches recently. What makes him think that he has the right to go into a sovereign country and bomb the people?” –UPI’s Helen Thomas **Perhaps this question is better directed to the victims of 9-11?

“President Bush…is going to finance this war on terrorism the same way Ronald Reagan got to finance the Cold War.” –Newsweek’s Eleanor Clift **Memo to Eleanor: The Soviet Union dissolved ten years ago!

“We report, you decide.” –CNN Anchors Paula Zahn and Aaron Brown **Apparently CNN plans to take back the 24 hour news lead by hiring Fox News personalities and stealing Fox News slogans!

SOCIOCRATS

This week’s “Leftpinkie” Award: “Disappointed.” –Senate Demo Leader Tom Daschle, using what is apparently his favorite term for political – and especially partisan – disagreements.

“I am wondering when he will be ‘very, very disappointed’.” –Sen. Russell Feingold (D-Wisconsin).

“We’re disappointed that Roll Call has chosen to focus on one word rather than the broader rhetorical issues facing Congress.” –Daschle spokeswoman Anita Dunn **We appreciate this warning about “broader rhetorical issues facing Congress”!

This month’s “Demo-Goguery” Award: “[Attorney General John] Ashcroft … wants to throw out the Bill of Rights in toto.” –Former Sen. Thomas Eagleton **“In toto”? No, sounds like Eagleton’s still in Oz!

“We’ve had 19 deaths because of anthrax and I think we ought to invest in what is necessary now.” –Sen. Ted Kennedy phoning in on C-SPAN **Somebody phone Teddy and tell him the death toll from pulmonary anthrax stands at five…?

VILLAGE IDIOTS

This week’s “TheoLib” Award: “Flash! This just in: All the while that Afghanistan’s ruling Taliban has been protecting Osama bin Laden, Italy has been harboring another omnipotent religious zealot, one who equally condemns us Western sinners and incites violence with his incendiary rhetoric. Yes, right there on the European mainland! Meet John Paul II, Christian fundamentalist extraordinaire and a man who inspires thugs across the globe who commit hate crimes against homosexuals, a form of terrorism if ever there was one.” –Homosexual mouthpiece Michelangelo Signorile

This week’s “Consummate Village-Celeb” Award: “I eat birds. You have more of a respect for the things you eat when you go through or see the process of killing them.” –Madonna **We guess this means tofu will never be respected.

From the “Village Matriarch” Files: “I have a great deal of difficulty with the idea of the ideal man. As far as I’m concerned, men are the product of a damaged gene.” –Feminist Germaine Greer **Hmmm, well, the women around the Federalist editorial shop think some men are nice products in torn jeans….

From the “Village Academic Curriculum” File: “When Richmond, Virginia, public-school officials discovered that teacher’s aide Thomas Shelton had once gone to prison for three felony convictions – including heroin possession and larceny – he was fired. Now he’s suing. Mr. Shelton, who is black, claims the city’s policy against hiring felons is racially discriminatory, given that blacks are disproportionately convicted of felonies.” –Wall Street Journal

SHORT CUTS

“It’s God’s responsibility to judge Osama bin Laden. It is our responsibility to arrange the meeting.” –Semper Fi!

“Never mistake our prosperity for sloth. The zeal with which we peddle Big Macs can be a dreadful thing when turned to the bloody business of war.” –Richard Poe

“[American al Qaeda John] Walker’s father told talk-show host Larry King he wanted to give his son ‘a big hug and a kick in the butt, too.’ Climb up on my knee, sonny boy. With your AK-47, sonny boy.” –Don Feder

“How can a craven, punk, 20-year-old kid from a liberal cesspool in San Francisco amble into a terrorist camp with Osama bin Laden strolling around, and the CIA can’t get to first base infiltrating these terror rats? The truth is, as John Walker was getting his schooling on how to fire an AK-47 at innocent people, bin Laden’s head was being offered on a platter by Sudan, and nobody did anything about it. Walker waltzed into the terror group with as much difficulty as joining the Boy Scouts.” –Steve Dunleavy

“After the collapse of the Camp David peace talks Bill Clinton accused Arafat of making him look bad. That is an irony that defies comment.” –Norman Liebmann

“The phoniest story to come out of Afghanistan to date is the claim by Geraldo Rivera that someone took a shot at him and missed. I don’t believe it. Why would they miss?” –Lyn Nofziger

Night Lines:

Jay Leno…. Remember the Taliban promising they’d fight to the finish? They came through – they’re finished! …. Osama bin Laden has now ordered his wives and other women to fight for him. Right! I bet they’ll get him a beer too! …. Osama now says that he’d rather have his sons shoot him instead of being captured. I believe his two sons are named Lyle and Eric bin Laden. …. Wow! Geraldo goes to Afghanistan – and three days later the Taliban surrenders! He is carrying a gun and says he isn’t afraid to use it. So he is now considered armed and annoying. He says that his next step is to go into the underground caves and find bin Laden himself! When he finds the cave and goes in and finds bin Laden, let’s seal the cave up! Two birds with one stone! Airports across the country on are a heightened state of security – in case Geraldo decides to come back. …. The Detroit Lions are 0 and 11, soon to be 0 and 12 after this weekend. The good thing is that they’re not peaking before the playoffs. Vice President Dick Cheney now considers the Detroit Lions’ end zone a secure and undisclosed location.

David Letterman…. Letterman’s Top Ways To Get Osama Out Of His Cave: Disconnect his cable. Send phony recall notice from his turban manufacturer. One of our special forces guys sneaks in and pulls the fire alarm. Announce “Mr. Beard” pageant being held down the street. Offer free trial prescription for social anxiety disorder medication Paxil. Fake postcard from Mullah Omar in Las Vegas reading “This place is awesome, dude!” Free pie – I don’t care who you are, you’re not gonna turn down free pie. In local paper, advertise weapons of mass destruction sale at Kabul Wal-Mart. Send sexy bearded woman to cave asking directions

Argus Hamilton…. San Francisco’s John Walker was captured by U.S. forces while fighting for the Taliban Friday. What was he thinking? If he really wanted to impersonate Jane Fonda, there were five clubs in San Francisco that would have hired him in a minute. …. The London Times reports Taliban leader Mullah Omar was captured by the Northern Alliance forces. The newspaper said he was being held in a Taliban-friendly environment. He’s teaching a Western Civilization class at UCLA. …. Attorney General John Ashcroft told the Senate Judiciary Committee Thursday that public trials for al-Qaeda terrorists could create Osama TV. He’s absolutely right. The last thing we want to see is Osama bin Laden hugging Johnnie Cochran and saying he’s going to spend the rest of his life looking for the real mastermind. …. Pearl Harbor starring Ben Affleck was released at video stores nationwide on Tuesday. A week after the movie premiered in theaters last June, the star had to check into an alcohol rehab. There’s such a thing as downing too many kamikazes.

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