The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Moody’s vowed to lower the U.S.‘s credit rating if we don’t cut government spending by July. Our generation’s work is done. When the Baby Boomers took over this country twenty years ago America was the world’s only Superpower, and in one month the country won’t qualify for a car loan.
Anthony Weiner apologized repeatedly to his wife Huma in a press conference for his lewd behavior online with six women. They were married two years ago in a wedding officiated by Bill Clinton, who administered the vows. There are fewer loopholes in GE’s tax return.
New York lawmakers in Albany debated a bill to outlaw teenage sexting. The bill is timely. It would make it illegal for New York minors to post lewd pictures of themselves or others, send messages in sexually explicit language, or follow their congressman on Twitter.
The Global Commission on Drug Policy released a report to the U.N. advising the U.S. and all world governments to legalize pot, cocaine and heroin. This has enormous political implications. If Hollywood has to start paying taxes on drugs it could turn them into Republicans.
The Agriculture Department reported a super-toxic strain of E. coli bacteria in lettuce and tomatoes. Chalk it up to the new immigration laws. The illegal aliens had to leave Arizona so fast they didn’t have time to teach U.S. citizens to wash their hands before picking the produce.
The Richmond Federal Reserve Bank flew a gay-pride-sponsored Rainbow Flag under the U.S. flag on its flagpole. It outraged Virginia conservatives. The brightly colored rainbow flag got their attention, and until now they never realized that the Union flag was flying over Virginia.
The N.Y. Supreme Court ruled to allow a Times Square street vendor to sell condoms with the president’s image on the packet. Everyone’s buying them. Half the country wants to be protected by President Obama while the other half wants to be protected from President Obama.
Syria’s government paid Syrian protesters one thousand dollars apiece to storm Israel’s border fence, which resulted in hundreds of civilian casualties. This is how governments create jobs. They pay you to go and die, and then if you die they don’t have to pay you.
President Obama dismissed talk of a double-dip recession Tuesday, saying he’s optimistic about home construction numbers. He’s understandably grasping for any good news. No one has the heart to tell him that home construction is always up in the month after tornado season.
USC was stripped of its national college football title of seven years ago by the BCS in the wake of the Reggie Bush scandal. Next in line Oklahoma and Auburn expressed no interest in accepting the vacated title. As a matter of principal, Red States don’t like handouts.
Newt Gingrich was ripped on the campaign trail for extravagance when he returned from a Greek island Mediterranean cruise with his wife Tuesday. They shouldn’t be angry with Newt. He did a little jewelry shopping in Athens and now the country no longer needs a bailout.
Fox News chairman Roger Ailes told Newsweek that he wants to hire Hillary Clinton for Fox News. That would be a shrewd defensive maneuver. If Fox News doesn’t hire at least one blonde over sixty the Obama administration will sue them for age discrimination.
Alabama’s lawmakers passed Arizona’s immigration law, which allows police to check the citizenship of anyone they pull over. It should work great. They did a test run of the new law and in one day the Alabama police rounded up ten illegal aliens, six Yankees and two runaways.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton