The Patriot Post® · Parents: Under Siege and Under-Celebrated
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has issued an advisory “on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents.” Among the stressors parents face are classic concerns over their finances, their children’s health and safety, and time demands, as well as modern problems such as moderating technology and social media, and cultural pressures.
While the fact that parents face higher levels of stress isn’t news, the statistics in the late August advisory are still surprising: “According to 2023 data: 33% of parents report high levels of stress in the past month compared to 20% of other adults,” and “48% of parents say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to 26% among other adults.”
In some ways, these statistics ring true. Parenting is a notoriously stretching chapter of life, one which jumbles together consecutive decades of sleepless nights, patience-taxing questions, messy floors, hard life lessons, growing pains, and your own humbling shortcomings — all of which end just about the time your kids leave the house.
Yet these statistics are subject to caveats: while they do serve to compare parents to non-parents, they also seem to be subjective and self-reported.
Consider, for instance, that substantially more respondents reported being “completely overwhelmed” by stress than reported experiencing high levels of stress. This term connotes stress-induced paralysis. If at least 15% of parents and 6% of non-adults were “completely overwhelmed” by moderate levels of stress, does that signal an astonishing lack of coping skills on their part, or (more likely) significant variation in how people interpret the term, “completely overwhelmed”? Or consider the fact that 48% of parents find their stress to be “completely overwhelming.” Yet how many parents managed to see their children fed, clothed, and transported to school this past week? If the parents of nearly half the nation’s children failed to adequately care for their children due to stress, wouldn’t that be a national news item?
The point is, many people, especially parents, remain functional, even if they would tell pollsters they feel “completely overwhelmed” by stress. Put another way, many parents are succeeding at raising their kids, even if they don’t feel very successful.
The popular media has unhelpfully reported on this health advisory in ways that advance an anti-parent agenda. “Parenting may be hazardous to your health,” barked a USA Today headline, over an article that compared parenting to alcohol and tobacco. The article quotes 35-year-old mother Sara Barron, complaining that her childless friends “can go out drinking, go out partying, and they don’t have to find a babysitter.”
(Ah, yes, the perpetual search for competent and qualified babysitters — that is a point in favor of the childless. On the other hand, cocktails don’t wake up in the morning and say, “I wuv you, Mommy.” Game, set, match.)
It’s never wise to compare your life with that of another person, but I imagine Barron said (or could have said) much in favor of parenthood that didn’t fit the USA Today narrative. Barron “had her first child at the start of the pandemic” and, according to a family photo in the article, now has three adorable boys and a husband capable of carrying all three at once.
Who knows what wild and crazy fun occurs in their home? Whether it’s reading, singing, somersaults, impromptu Hop-on-Pop sessions, spinning in a circle, jumping off a pillow, engineering Lego pyrotechnics, driving imaginary choo-choo trains, or changing the diaper on their favorite stuffed animal, little boys can have a blast doing just about anything. I don’t believe anyone, after a five-minute giggle session with a toddler, would sit back and think, “I wish my life looked more like ‘How I Met Your Mother.’”
Yet our culture increasingly shares the worldview advocated by this USA Today author. Data from the MassMutual Consumer Spending & Saving Index, released last week, revealed that 23% of Millennials and Gen Z respondents without children do not plan to become parents. Those who plan not to have children primarily cite “the inability to afford children” (43%) or “a preference for financial freedom” (43%), the former of which is more sympathetic. However, a shocking 31% of non-parents (there must be overlap between the reasons given) also cite “the social and political world their children would inherit” as the reason against having children.
A UC Riverside Gender and Sexuality Studies professor interviewed young, childless adults about their reasons for eschewing children, and the L.A. Times thought it appropriate to publish an excerpt from her book on 9/11. Those she interviewed were afraid their children would face pollution, racism, “wealth inequality,” and lack of “healthcare access” (which, in context, I take to be code for abortion), or even “have to leave their home because of sea level rise.”
The common denominator behind these shockingly poor excuses against having children is fear — fear of what might happen, fear of what happened 50 years ago, and fear that perennial features of human society (like “wealth inequality”) will suddenly start to damage children in ways they never have before. (Are we sure parents are the group with the most stress?) This fear ignores the likelihood that these obstacles can be overcome, the possibility that future generations may hold the solution to these obstacles, and the certainty that these obstacles are in the hands of a loving and sovereign God.
These ideologically driven reasons against having children illustrate ways in which our culture detracts from family and parenthood, even in ways that are not explicit attacks on family and parenthood. From the optimistic humanism of the 19th and 20th centuries, our culture seems to have fallen into a pessimistic anti-humanism.
This new cultural environment introduces a new opportunity for engaging our culture from a biblical worldview, which is simultaneously a new challenge. We must reaffirm certain foundational truths that our culture no longer believes. We must affirm that men and women have inherent worth because they are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26) and that when God created us it was very good (Genesis 1:31).
We must also reaffirm the goodness of being fruitful and multiplying and filling the earth with God’s image-bearers (Genesis 1:28), that children are a good gift from God (Psalm 127:3), and that children are a blessing (Genesis 1:28, Psalm 127:5). Relatedly, we must reaffirm that God gave parents authority over their children (Exodus 20:12), to teach them how to live and specifically how to follow God’s law (Deuteronomy 6:7).
We must reaffirm the wisdom of God’s design for our lives (Proverbs 1:7-9), in contrast to worldly substitutes. God gave parents to train up their children, and he gave children to make parents become more patient, humble, diligent, responsible, and caring. If we embrace this plan, we can delight in parenting, even in its difficult moments.
Parenting may be stressful. It might even feel overwhelming at times. But it also brings surprising joys that parents could not have planned for and may not have chosen beforehand. But following God’s path for our lives, however counterintuitive according to worldly schemes of wisdom, is always the way to find true happiness, fulfillment, and peace.
Joshua Arnold is a senior writer at The Washington Stand.