The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
North Dakotans were reported to be spending their newfound oil wealth by buying up Arizona houses. The state is so grateful. Sheriff Joe Arpaio needs some white people to pull over or the new immigration law will be tossed out for racial profiling.
GM recalled eight thousand Chevy Volts whose batteries catch fire on impact. The U.S. government is on the hook. The development of the car was taxpayer-subsidized, the purchase of the car is taxpayer-subsidized, and the fire department is taxpayer-subsidized.
Microsoft was granted a U.S. patent for a new GPS app that helps drivers avoid entering a ghetto or high-crime area. It’s always causing concern in Washington D.C. Lobbyists and street corner coke dealers have to disable it or they can’t get to their offices.
Joseph P. Kennedy III made plans to run for retiring Barney Frank’s House seat. The Democrats see the polls saying America’s on the wrong track. They think voters will be ready to replace the first gay congressman with a man from the First Family of Womanizing.
The Iron Lady starring Meryl Streep as Lady Margaret Thatcher opened last Friday. The movie details the dementia that struck her late in life as it did Churchill and Reagan. Hollywood can’t honor a great woman without implying that conservatism rots your brain.
U.S. Senator Marco Rubio wrote a letter to the president saying that the U.S. was on track to become a deadbeat nation. His concern is the sixteen trillion dollar U.S. debt. Whenever the Oval Office phone rings, Obama lets the machine pick it up in case it’s China.
The White House proposed new hardship rules making it easier for illegal aliens to stay in the U.S. How much easier does it have to be? All they have to do to get here is to walk across the border and all they have to do to stay here is register to vote.
Mitt Romney vowed to cut federal funding for PBS if elected president. This network is a huge waste of time. Sesame Street turns children into socialists in the morning and then Masterpiece Theater turns them back into British colonialists that night.
Fidel Castro wrote in his newspaper column that ninety percent of American would vote for a robot over President Obama. It’s clear what he wants. Fidel Castro is calling for Al Gore to mount a primary challenge to President Obama before it’s too late.
President Obama’s re-election office in Chicago sent out more fundraising letters for the president’s campaign this week. The money’s not coming in so fast. With peanut butter selling for six dollars a jar, Obama only wishes he was doing as well as Jimmy Carter.
President Obama reportedly agreed to give his acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention in Charlotte at Bank of America Stadium. It’s sure put the convention over budget. When you’re sixteen trillion dollars overdrawn Bank of America’s fees really add up.
The U.S. denied any involvement in the assassination of an Iranian nuclear scientist on the streets of Teheran with a motorcycle and a magnet bomb. It was probably the Israelis, anyway. The U.S. would have sent a drone with our license plate on it.
Michelle Obama went on CBS news to refute tales told about her in the new book, The Obamas. She’s angry that the book depicts her as angry. She said she doesn’t interfere with West Wing meetings, hardly any European resorts offer in-room teleconferencing.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton