The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Facebook raised billions after the company went public with a stock offering. It’s good for the economy. Facebook has created half a million jobs just from replacing the people who got fired for posting drunken photos of themselves on Facebook.
Advertising Age reported the GOP presidential candidates are buying TV ads on the Weather Channel. It’s begun to affect the weather reports. Last week the weather announcer said that a tornado swept through Alabama as a favor to Nancy Pelosi’s donors.
President Obama’s six-year-old Chrysler was offered at auction on eBay for a price of one million dollars, but nobody bid on it. This cements his legacy. Barack Obama is now the first president since Richard Nixon that nobody will buy a used car from.
President Obama’s former Chrysler was put up for auction on eBay Thursday by the Illinois woman who now owns the car. You can tell that the car once belonged to the president. It starts off fast and then it stalls and starts calling for rich people to help push it.
Homeland Security trained hundreds of hot dog and beer vendors at the Super Bowl to watch for terrorists in the stadium. It was good for business. Anyone refusing to buy alcohol or pork was arrested by Homeland Security and pulled into a room for questioning.
President Obama told a prayer breakfast that Jesus advised him to push higher taxes on the wealthy and ObamaCare. They consult on everything. When the waitress brought his breakfast, he sent it back complaining that Jesus wanted tomatoes instead of potatoes.
The White House said the U.S. workforce shrank by two million last month. However they say we gained two hundred thousand jobs. Democrats say they want better math education but they don’t fund it because someone might grow up and see through these numbers.
California’s treasurer announced the state must raise three billion dollars by March. Things have gotten complicated. The first time Jerry Brown was governor he slept on a mattress on an apartment floor, now he is in bed with the Prison Guards’ Union.
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg went on Egyptian TV and urged Egyptians not to use the U.S. Constitution as their model. She’s way too late. The Muslim Brotherhood already loves the idea of having slavery and not letting women have the vote.
Great Britain observed the sixtieth anniversary of Queen Elizabeth’s accession to the throne Monday. News reports told the story of how as princess she happened to be in Kenya at the time her father died. A Georgia judge just ruled she is not eligible to be Queen.
China negotiated bailing the EU out of its debt crisis but assured the world it has no intention of buying Europe. There’s no defense. NATO was organized to keep Russia out of Europe, but unfortunately the bankruptcy laws are designed to let China invade.
The New York Giants rode floats in a huge Super Bowl victory parade down Broadway. The players watched themselves on their iPhones while a million New Yorkers watched themselves on their iPhones watching the parade. They’re all paying one hundred dollars a month not to have to look at each other.
President Obama’s campaign had to return an illegal donation to a Mexican criminal Monday. No one checked his past. He’d been convicted of illegal campaign donations in Mexico, which means he delivered the cash in a plastic bag instead of a recyclable paper one.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton