The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The Postal Service cut its number of mail processing centers in half. New data shows the USPS loses one billion dollars every month. The Postal Service always said it is the most profitable branch of government and now they have the numbers to back it up.
The White House launched a PR campaign to gain support for the health care law. They must counteract all the letters people get from Blue Cross announcing higher premiums. People open the envelopes and fall to the ground like there’s anthrax in them.
Russia’s president Vladimir Putin said he is looking forward to coming to Chicago to attend next month’s NATO military summit. He was coming to the Windy City anyway. This year he’s the keynote speaker at the annual election-stealing convention.
President Obama took British Prime Minister David Cameron to an NCAA basketball tournament game in Dayton Tuesday. Their appearance at the game was globally significant. It highlights the Special Relationship between President Obama and basketball.
Oxford scientists say a beta-blocker pill called Propanalol can cure people of racism. The drug affects the portion of the brain that regulates fear, which is believed to trigger racism. Just picture a world where the New York Times only complains about the South’s humidity.
President Obama hosted a state dinner for British Prime Minister David Cameron. The president and the British are getting along a lot better lately. They love to compare notes on ways the Tea Party’s always trying to overthrow their rule in America.
President Obama filled out his NCAA basketball bracket and staged a contest with his supporters to fill out a bracket that’ll outdo his predictions. He could lose. The Final Four are gas prices, health insurance rate hikes, unemployment and foreclosures.
Saudi Arabia announced plans to send female athletes to the Olympics this summer for the first time. They don’t normally like to see their women in running shorts and tank tops. At the conclusion of the closing ceremonies the athletes will all be executed.
The White House blocked a Texas law requiring voters to show government issued photo-ID at the polls. It’s obvious why. As hard as the Democrats are working to turn out the illegal alien vote, the last thing they need is a state law that sends out mixed signals.
A New York Times poll taken in the wake of the Georgetown law student testimony showed only twenty-one percent of women back Obama’s free contraceptive mandate. It’s revealing. This shows that eighty percent of women just got their rate hike in the mail, and that one percent didn’t have their reading glasses on when they opened the envelope.
U.S. Open champion Rory McIlroy was invited to the White House dinner for Britain Wednesday. It was the National Security Advisor’s idea. After a week of focusing on the NCAA tournament, the president needed to get his mind back on golf where it belongs.
Northwest Bank decided to make branches more customer-friendly by having yoga classes in their bank lobbies. That is convenient. A bank robber will have half his work done for him when he walks into the lobby and everyone is already face down on the floor.
The FDA reported evidence of E. coli bacteria in lettuce and tomatoes Monday. Chalk it up to anti-immigration laws. Illegal aliens had to leave Arizona so fast last year that they didn’t have time to teach U.S. citizens to wash their hands before they pick the produce.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton