The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
President Obama gave a speech defending his energy policy to Maryland college kids. He had the sound system reverb turned up for added echo. He thinks if he sounds enough like the voice of God, the Republicans will agree to raise taxes on the rich.
President Obama revealed his NCAA bracket picks in an ESPN special along with his Final Four selections. It caused eyes to roll. Energy companies complained that it was just another example of the federal government picking the winners and losers.
President Obama chose Missouri, North Carolina, Kentucky and Ohio State in his NCAA Final Four on ESPN. You’ve got to hand it to him. He knew everything about all sixty-four teams, then he picked four schools from swing states crucial to his re-election.
The Washington Post reports Osama bin Laden had ordered al-Qaeda to shoot down President Obama’s plane so Joe Biden could become president. His reasoning was simple. He thought Joe Biden was unprepared to be president because he never lived in Indonesia.
George Clooney was in jail for only five minutes after he was arrested during a protest at Sudan’s embassy in Washington D.C. It was good for second place. A Kenyan who was arrested at the same protest beat his time out the door by two-tenths of a second.
Little Rock’s airport commission voted to re-name their airport after Bill and Hillary Clinton. The airport’s two concourses face different directions. That means Hillary’s concourse is always looking the other way when a Piper Cub hooks up at Bill’s concourse.
Venezuela President Hugo Chavez told his nation that he’s about to undergo radiation after being treated for cancer in Cuba. Being an enemy of the West can be unhealthy. Iran’s president is about to get radiation too, although his doctor hasn’t ordered it.
The Weather Channel recorded eighty-six degree temperatures in Chicago Tuesday while cherry trees bloomed in Washington D.C. Half the people don’t believe in global warming, the other half enjoy it. Al Gore just announced that nice weather causes cancer.
Mitt Romney was heckled by a female college student in Chicago who demanded free birth control. He answered if you want free stuff, vote for Obama. Mitt Romney has wandered so far off message he’s writing bumper sticker slogans for President Obama.
The Weather Channel reported New York enjoying temperatures in the eighties last week. Liberals are furious. Apparently when the police dispersed the Occupy Wall Street rioters all over the country last fall they sprayed them with mace from aerosol cans.
President Obama visited the Copper Mountain Solar Panel Facility. This plant is in Nevada. It’s more evidence that solar power is genuinely useful when you notice that every solar panel company is located in the home state of a powerful Democrat.
Tiger Woods’s coach wrote he tried to join the Navy SEALs six years ago. It was a bad fit. He flunked the combat test when his wife beat him up, and when he forgot to erase text messages from his mistresses he knew better than to apply at Naval Intelligence.
President Obama will visit the Demilitarized Zone between North Korea and South Korea when he flies to Seoul next week. It’s a photo-op. He wants to remind Americans that he is getting the troops out of Afghanistan faster than Truman got them out of Korea.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton