The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Mitt Romney emerged Tuesday as the certain GOP nominee against President Obama this fall. The choice is not exactly inspiring. This is the first presidential race that’ll be won by whichever candidate best portrays himself as the minimally acceptable alternative.
President Obama said Augusta National ought to allow women members. He added it’s for the club to decide. If he has more respect for a golf club’s membership rules than the authority of the Supreme Court, what do Republicans have against this guy?
CBS News did an extensive report about a doctor whose research shows that sugar is a highly-dangerous substance that reduces life span. Where’s his sense of patriotism? Everybody knows by now that a healthy diet just makes Medicare insolvent.
The Newt Gingrich Group filed for bankruptcy after companies stopped paying two hundred grand to be members. Suddenly they don’t find his advice all that useful. It just shows how hard it is to collect bribes in this economy when you have no shot of winning.
The Justice Department handed in its homework on time to the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. The administration had to write a three-page paper admitting that the Supreme Court can overturn laws passed by Congress. That was the only statement in the paper, but it ran three pages because they were required to write it three hundred times.
President Obama withdrew his statement that the Supreme Court lacks authority to toss out ObamaCare. It’s a strategic retreat. Last night Obama was overheard on a hot mike telling Russia’s ambassador that the Constitution isn’t in effect during a second term.
Homeland Security announced a relaxed immigration policy allowing illegal aliens to stay in the U.S. without being deported. An administration spokesman said you can’t simply move twelve million people to another country. That’s not true, Mexico did it.
The Agriculture Department warned that the U.S. faces a shortage of younger farmers. The secretary told reporters the average age of a farmer in New Mexico, Texas and Arizona is nearly sixty. The department should have factored in California where thanks to its perfect growing climate for marijuana the average age of a farmer is fifteen.
President Obama signed a bill outlawing members of Congress from engaging in insider stock trading. No one knew it had been legal. The reason so many lawmakers don’t believe in free markets is because they found out how much fun it is to rig them.
Congress slated hearings next week into the GSA’s lavish Las Vegas convention two years ago after a GSA official was taped performing a rap song making fun of all the taxpayer money they were spending. Technology is so amazing. He was recorded by the first cell phone camera with an app that can abolish an entire government department.
President Obama gave a speech in Miami and called for higher taxes on the rich. He already set up an IRS task force that’ll audit thousands of millionaires. Barack Obama is only one land reform away from being Ozzie Guillen’s second-favorite president.
MIT and other college high-tech departments have begun offering charm school for their high-tech geniuses. It’s to teach them much-needed societal skills. Their theology classes teach that Eve offered Adam an Apple at fifty dollars a share and he couldn’t resist.
N.J. Governor Chris Christie said the American dream is threatened by the number of people sitting on the couch waiting for their government checks. That’s untrue. Times are so tough that people are standing by the mailbox waiting for their government checks.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton