The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Robert Downey Jr. got a fifty million dollar payout for The Avengers. Like President Obama, he has evolved. Early in his career he was a liberal, after Iron Man he became a moderate, and as soon as his check for the Avengers cleared, he came out for states’ rights and the flat tax.
President Obama arrived at ABC studios in New York for an appearance on The View. The president’s security team wasn’t intrusive at all. The head of the Secret Service looked closely at the women on the show and gave the chaperones the morning off.
Reverend Jeremiah Wright went on Fox News to confirm that the Obama campaign four years ago offered him one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to stop preaching for a year. That’s the funniest thing he ever heard. Jeremiah Wright has got souls to save, and he makes a hundred and fifty grand per revival.
The John Edwards case went to the jury. Prosecutors say he took one million dollars in cash from a rich widow to conceal his pregnant mistress from his dying wife. It’s the hardest anybody’s ever worked to become a greeter at the Bill Clinton Presidential Library.
Fidel Castro’s niece was granted a U.S. visa to speak at a sexual diversity conference in San Francisco. The Castro family has a long history of sexual diversity. Fidel did it to Batista, the Mafia, capitalism and three women that Jack Kennedy sent as a peace offering.
Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg married Priscilla Chan a day after FB went public. It was a financial decision. She just graduated from medical school and he just made twenty billion playing the stock market, and they figure they can’t both be shut down by the government.
CNN’s viewer ratings reportedly hit a fifteen-year low. Blame it on the news itself. During CNN’s glory days we had presidents having sex with interns in the White House and wars that were over so fast you had to stay home and tune in or you’d miss them.
The Washington Post questioned if a Mormon battle with U.S. troops five years before the Civil War might hurt Mitt Romney in Arkansas. Mormon militias frequently fought U.S. forces before secession. Whether it hurts Mitt Romney in Arkansas depends largely on whether the Mormons shared intelligence with the Confederates or stiffed them.
North Korea was reported readying its launching pad for a new missile test next month. Their first six missiles went up for one minute and then crashed into the sea. North Korea has spent all week buying Facebook stock as part of their pre-launch drill.
San Francisco named a road after Nancy Pelosi in Golden Gate Park Sunday. Reaction was split. Democrats say Golden Gate Park provides a scenic place for San Franciscans to salute her, while Republicans expressed surprise the street isn’t in the city’s Castro District.
NASA warned there are five thousand asteroids in our solar system that could crash into the Earth at any time. Taxpayers aren’t buying it. Every government agency tells Congress at budget time that its constituents will kill us all if we don’t increase its funding.
President Obama and Mitt Romney tied in May fundraising totals Monday. It’s a real race. The president raised ten million dollars when he had dinner with George Clooney and the next day Mitt Romney raised ten million dollars when he had breakfast by himself.
Facebook’s price stabilized at thirty-two dollars a share Wednesday, giving investors a realistic stock value at last. No one had any idea what it was really worth. The only reason Facebook went public is because they couldn’t figure out the privacy settings either.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton