The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The White House gave secret intelligence on the Osama bin Laden raid to Hollywood filmmakers for a movie. They want to cast the part of Obama exactly right. They are looking for a right-handed actor to swing left-handed to capture the president’s golf swing.
The White House gave an ad agency twenty million dollars to glorify the Health Care Reform law. It never ends. The administration just fired the only people in Washington who were cutting spending, the Secret Service agents who stiffed the Colombian prostitute.
USA Today released a poll showing Joe Biden was a drag on the ticket for President Obama in swing states. It sounds like he’s being set up to take the blame in November. Geologists could name a tectonic plate after Obama and it would still never be his fault.
The White House weighed in on the Facebook stock opening last week citing it as an example of suspicious insider action on Wall Street. Democrats have their investment skeletons. Green Energy has lost so much money it was just friended by Greece on Facebook.
The Automobile Club reported motorists got a break when gas stations lowered gas prices just before Memorial Day Friday. It’s an old trick. Every year the gas stations wait until it’s Monday when you’re six hundred miles from home and then they raise gas prices.
President Obama gave a college graduation speech in Colorado. The parents in attendance wept openly. The American Dream used to be graduating from college and owning your own home, now it’s getting the college graduates out of the home you own.
Bill Clinton will headline a twenty-five thousand dollar a ticket fundraiser in Beverly Hills to raise money for the Democratic party. It raised eyebrows. The invite described it as an intimate lunch with Bill Clinton, so everybody assumes it meant pizza with interns.
San Francisco honored former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in a public ceremony by naming a street after her in Golden Gate Park. She’s represented the city in Congress for thirty years. To further honor her, the street will have a lot of work done on it.
The Agriculture Department said that high commodity prices will boost farm income this year. It’s led to high prices worldwide. Coffee is so expensive that border agents just caught a guy trying to smuggle five pounds of Folgers buried in a ton of cocaine.
Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren was exposed for using fake minority status to get on the faculty at Harvard. The timing worked out perfectly. The Census Bureau has just reported that whites are the minority so now she can be herself and still keep her job.
South Dakota park police arrested a fifty-year-old Chicago man they caught trying to scale Mt Rushmore. It was a long afternoon for everyone. It took them an hour to explain to President Obama that climbing Mt. Rushmore doesn’t entitle you to say that you’re on it.
President Obama praised U.S. Olympian Jesse Owens for winning four gold medals in the 1938 Olympics in Berlin when it was actually in 1936 in Berlin. U.S. sprinters learned a lesson that year. All the steroids in the world won’t make you run as fast as knowing there are eighty thousand Nazis in the stadium seated everywhere except the exit tunnel.
New York State reported losing six hundred thousand residents to Florida in the last ten years for lower taxes Tuesday. New York has an eight percent income tax rate while Florida has a zero percent state income tax rate. They have a terrible mosquito problem in Florida, but no matter how much blood they drink it’s still less than New York takes.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton