The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
NBC News reported grim statistics indicating that the U.S. lost one hundred and thirty thousand millionaires just last year. It could be a problem for Democrats. President Obama can’t very well attack Mitt Romney if he’s on the Endangered Species List.
The Senate demanded a probe into recent leaks of top-secret intelligence to the New York Times. Everyone has adjusted. Last week the CIA got rid of six al-Qaeda fighters in Pakistan by telling President Obama they’re CIA informants, and making him promise not to tell a soul.
Bill Clinton apologized for calling for an extension of the Bush tax cuts and claimed he didn’t mean to undercut President Obama. It was like old times. Bill Clinton bit his lower lip, wagged his finger and denied having sexual relations with supply-side economics.
Hillary Clinton called for Syria’s leader Bashar al-Assad to step down following more violence. She speaks for all of us. Every American is rooting for an end to bloodshed so that we might have a peaceful transition to democracy and three dollars a gallon by Labor Day.
The House of Representatives had a brief ceremony honoring Nancy Pelosi to mark her twenty-fifth anniversary in Congress. She was expressionless as they handed her the plaque. This is why Botox is the choice of poker champions everywhere.
Prime Minister David Cameron and his wife left their child behind at a London pub where they had lunch but retrieved her later. Every modern power couple with a child knows it could have been a lot worse. It could have been their cell phone and keys.
Commerce Secretary John Bryson smashed his car into a Buick as the Buick was waiting for a train to go by. He got out and apologized, then smashed into the Buick again. President Obama called a press briefing Monday and said the Buick is doing just fine.
Senate Republicans blasted Democrats for trying to bully the U.S. Supreme Court into ruling in favor of the Health Care Reform law. It’s controversial. The plan does provide everyone who lives in rural areas with a country doctor, unfortunately the country is India.
The London Olympics released its opening ceremony plans. It will include a dazzling salute to British history. During the fireworks show the British Olympic team will colonize the Olympic Village and subjugate three-fourths of all the teams on the Earth.
Attorney General Eric Holder appeared headed for a contempt of Congress citation. He won’t share his e-mails of the operation. Those e-mails contain the identity of major cocaine traffickers, and nobody with a donor list like that shares it in Washington.
Don Rickles was ripped by Democrats for telling a janitor joke on Barack Obama last week in front of the president. Joy Behar was denounced by Republicans for saying she wants to see Romney’s home burn down. After Newt Gingrich dropped out of the race and Joe Biden was muzzled, more experienced comedians were brought in to take their spots.
Daredevil Nick Wallenda will attempt to walk a high wire over the length of Niagara Falls Saturday. There’s a reason he’s walking from the U.S. side to the Canadian side. If he walks from Canada to the U.S. he has to stop halfway across to walk through a metal detector.
President Obama had lunch with two barbers in Washington D.C. He wants barbers to spread his campaign on behalf of good parenting advice. That advice is, find a good paying job that lets you watch ESPN all day while holding a razor to someone else’s neck.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton