The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Joe Biden gave a speech to the NAACP convention. He planned to thank them for agreeing to college football playoffs, and then he was reminded he wasn’t addressing the NCAA. So he threw away his speech and paid tribute to Dale Earnhardt.
The Hollywood Reporter ran a poll showing ninety-one percent of Americans heard of the Tom Cruise divorce but only forty percent heard of the Supreme Court health care reform ruling. It’s easy to see why. The Supreme Court health care ruling reminds you that you can get sick, but Tom Cruise reminds you there’ll always be people who are sicker.
President Obama said his first-term mistake was he didn’t tell a story to Americans. He told us he was born in Hawaii, he has a ten handicap and he believes in free enterprise. Laura Bush hasn’t told this many stories and she reads to kids every week.
Ralph Lauren’s U.S. Olympic uniforms were criticized by Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi because the blazers, white slacks, sweaters and berets were made in China. They’re right. If you want clothes made in a communist country they should be made in California.
Mitt Romney sought an apology from President Obama’s Chicago office for calling him a felon when he left Bain to run the Olympics. It’s understandable. Mitt Romney ended all the graft and corruption endemic in the Olympic bidding process and Chicago is still angry about it.
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner denied allegations that he knew the Wall Street banks were lying when they assured the public of their solvency during the panic four years ago. The guy just can’t win. For four years everyone’s said that Tim Geithner doesn’t know anything and now that he says he didn’t know anything, nobody believes him.
Mitt Romney demanded that President Obama apologize for claiming he outsourced jobs while at Bain Capital. Just asking isn’t going to be enough. To get an apology from Barack Obama, Mitt Romney will have to dress up on Halloween as a victim of imperialism.
NASA reported the Mars Curiosity Rover is positioning itself to land on Mars this week. One arm of the rolling robot is a drill and one arm is a scoop. Democrats feel that the one sure way to save the earth is to do all our dirty work on the other planets.
President Obama spoke to two thousand people outdoors in Virginia last Saturday. At least twenty people fainted during his speech. They really need to hand out the food stamps at the start of the president’s speeches and not make everybody wait until the end.
Hillary Clinton was greeted at the U.S. consulate in Egypt by a mob chanting Monica Lewinsky’s name. They kept chanting Monica over and over. The protest organizers told the mob to keep it to just one of Bill Clinton’s adulterous affairs or they’d be there all day.
The Mississippi River was dredged and deepened by the Corps of Engineers so the drought-stricken river can carry traffic. It’s really bad. The country is so dry the Justice Department is advertising a water pistol buy-back program in Mexican newspapers.
Mexico’s new president vowed to help gain control of the U.S.-Mexican border. It’s out of control. Statistics show that fifty percent of the guns found in Mexico come from the United States while fifty percent of the people found in the United States come from Mexico.
President Obama told a crowd in Virginia that if you’ve been successful it’s because somebody else gave you some help. This is personal with him. He would still be dogged each day by questions about his birth certificate were it not for the good people at Kinko’s.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton