The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The National Oceanic lab scientists warned that radioactive ocean water is headed for the West Coast from last year’s Fukushima reactor leak. The Japanese may expose Americans to nuclear radiation. So it’s true that what goes around, comes around.
John Sununu ripped President Obama for anti-capitalism remarks, saying he wished Obama could be more American. That’s unfair. President Obama spends more money than he’s got and he may lose his job this year, so what could be more American than that?
Homeland Security sent TSA agents to London to aid British screeners with Olympic tourists. We can share expertise. The British have a huge database of likely terrorists and Americans are trained to look a suspect in the eye and tell if she’ll file suit for groping her.
Hillary Clinton broke the all-time record for the most number of countries visited by a Secretary of State. It must get old. At every official dinner in a foreign country, the host president, prime minister or king introduces Hillary as the foreign minister of the World’s Only Superpower and the country we beat in math and science scores last year.
Al Sharpton blamed racism for GOP opposition, saying Barack Obama doesn’t look like most Americans. That’s easily fixable. If the Environmental Protection Agency would just require tanning bulbs in all refrigerators, we’d all be the same color in a week.
England’s Bradley Wiggins crossed the finish line first in the Tour de France in Paris on Sunday. He won the cycling portion of the race three minutes ahead of the pack. Now the race is in the hands of the lab technicians, who’ll determine the true winner.
Hillary Clinton’s assistant Huma was defended by Republicans Sunday after Michelle Bachman accused her of terrorist ties. Last year Huma stood by her husband Anthony Weiner and now she’s the toast of Washington. Hillary’s more than a boss, she’s a life coach.
Hillary Clinton was reported orchestrating an allied effort to shove Bashar Al-Assad out of power quietly in Syria. Quietly would be a change of pace. The last time Hillary Clinton overthrew a president, the lamp smashed a portrait in the Oval Office.
Syria’s dictator Bashar Al-Assad vowed to use chemical weapons on invading troops. He said he won’t use them on his own people. So in case of invasion the Syrians need to keep their eyes on the flag sticks so they will know which way the wind is blowing.
The Chicago Commodity Exchange saw corn prices soar due to the Midwest drought. Food prices are as high as gas prices. As much as Americans love to eat, they’ve begun sleeping in their cars at the grocery stores because it simply doesn’t pay to go home.
London Olympics officials reported huge ticket sales Tuesday at events where British athletes are favored to win. Brits are favored in rowing, cycling, sailing and kayaking as well as equestrian events. We imperialists are good at anything that involves sitting down.
The British Medical Journal reported that exercise can add up to six years to a man’s life but they warn that inactivity will kill you. That doesn’t sound true at all. If inactivity could kill you the floor of the United States Senate would be covered in bodies.
ABC News issued an apology Monday saying they are sorry for claiming the Colorado movie house killer James Holmes was connected to the Tea Party. The contrition is real. ABC reporters and anchors are genuinely sorry he had no connection to the Tea Party.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton