From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

The Gallup Poll says Denmark, Finland and Norway are the three happiest countries on earth with Sweden and Iceland next. There’s something about the climate that makes people happy. The last thing Americans need is a new excuse to open the refrigerator door.

NASA head Charles Bolden nixed the idea of a U.S. manned mission to Mars, adding that the U.S. can’t always be the leader. We’re surrendering to China one agency at a time. The Treasury Department went first and NASA is rushing to be next, just ahead of the Pentagon.

Mayor Mike Bloomberg came under fire for pushing breast feeding in New York baby wards. He’s waged war on candy, fatty foods, cigarettes, colas and baby formula. Whenever he campaigns with Barack Obama they’re billed as the Nanny and the Professor.

Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas became America’s darling when she won the gold medal. She spun in the air, twirled and flipped twice and landed squarely on her feet. President Obama called her and asked if she would be his new press secretary.

President Obama arrived at Camp David Saturday where he celebrated his fifty-first birthday with a party including family and friends. They rolled out a rich chocolate cake. He didn’t blow out the candles, he simply taxed them until they gave up on their own.

Washington D.C. agreed to convert to lower-wattage streetlights to save energy and cut back on greenhouse gas emissions. The environmentalists are forcing the city to convert to dimmer bulbs. So they’re screwing members of Congress into the light sockets.

President Obama told sports radio Friday the New York Jets made a mistake by getting Tim Tebow. He said it puts too much pressure on Mark Sanchez. He is already warning the team they’ll face a Justice Department probe if they replace a Hispanic with a white guy.

Senator Harry Reid claimed an anonymous investor told him Mitt Romney didn’t pay his taxes the last ten years. It’s a dastardly trick to make scurrilous charges without proof. Republicans could just as easily say that Harry Reid is O.J. Simpson’s senator and he is.

Mitt Romney’s campaign raised a hundred million dollars last month for the second straight month. The Democrats are perched just like vultures. Mitt Romney’s campaign account is just a hundred million dollars away from being declared a systemic risk to the banking system which would require him to make home loans to people with bad credit.

German sociologists claimed if a person doesn’t social network they could be insane. None of the latest shooters were on Facebook. You’re not considered a normal adult anymore unless you spend all your time spying on people and posting party pictures.

Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said U.S. food will be poisoned if Mitt Romney is elected and she called the GOP the party of E. coli. The metaphor marked a shift in party strategy. Pushing grandmother off the cliff wasn’t working anymore so they had to go with diarrhea.

Travel and Leisure reported that a record-low number of Americans are vacationing abroad this summer. Fewer people than ever vacationed at all. The White House is pretty much down to pointing out that at least we get a free trip around the sun every year.

Jimmy Carter will give a taped speech to the Democratic Convention next month in Charlotte. It’s bound to cheer up Democrats. A speech from Jimmy Carter is a timely reminder that restricting a president to one term does not limit his aggravation potential.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store