The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store

Mitt Romney accepted the GOP nomination before a roaring and cheering crowd of delegates in Tampa as the balloons came down. These things aren’t as much fun as they used to be. Every time a balloon popped, housing prices dropped another one percent.

Mitt Romney cited his business background in his GOP convention speech as a reason for electing him to fix the U.S. economy. He knows a lot about private sector jobs. And that’s why he has spent the last eight years trying to get a government job.

Clint Eastwood began promoting his new movie Trouble with the Curve. It’s a comedy. Last night Clint had a sit-down dinner for film critics at his home in Carmel and since no one knew which chair the president was sitting in, everybody ate standing up.

The Democratic Convention got underway in Charlotte Tuesday with security tight at the doors. You have to show a photo ID three times to get into the convention. This is why half the California delegation had to return to their home country for their papers.

Democratic Convention delegates reported after waking up Tuesday that nine convention hotels in Charlotte were infested with bedbugs. These bedbugs must be killed. They heard everything the lobbyists and lawmakers said while they were in bed together.

President Obama’s address was moved indoors to the convention hall from Panthers Stadium. It was a weather decision. There’d been a twenty-percent chance of lightning, but when Democrats took God out of the platform, it moved up to an eighty percent chance.

Bill Clinton received a thunderous ovation from the Democratic delegates at the Democratic Convention in Charlotte. His appearance signified a lot. It was the second consecutive night that the Democrats highlighted just how much they love women.

The Democratic Convention vendors raised money in Charlotte selling t-shirts with President Obama’s birth certificate on it. The artwork is great. It’s an exact copy of the birth certificate that Barack Obama produced last year, right down to the signature of the physician, Dr. Kinko.

The White House released President Obama’s home beer brewing recipe which the president makes, drinks and serves to his guests. The economy is so bad the president can’t afford to buy beer at the store. Even Obama’s not doing well under Obama.

Florida police arrested an armed robber who held up a McDonald’s wearing a President Obama mask. He played the role to the hilt. The security cameras showed him taking all the money out of the cash register and then giving it to the United Auto Workers.

Beverly Hills was the epicenter of a shallow earthquake which according to the U.S. Geological Survey was centered on Rodeo Drive. It was just a tiny little earthquake where a few things fell off the store shelves. It caused over six hundred billion dollars in damages.

Yahoo’s Washington editor David Chalian was fired for saying Republicans enjoyed partying in Tampa while black people were drowning in New Orleans. Don’t feel badly for him. ABC and CNN were in a bidding war for him before his resume came out of the printer.

Major League Baseball investigated player agents who may have been middle-men between players and a steroids distributor. The government certainly can’t nail them. When asked about the steroid problem Joe Biden said he simply uses a little Preparation H.

© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton