From The Comedy Store
Smith and Wesson stock soared on Wall Street as Americans flocked to gun stores. The threatened ban caused the sales. The good news is, President Obama has sold so many guns that he’s just won a free trip to Hawaii, saving taxpayers a ton of money.
WalMart announced plans to hire a hundred thousand U.S. veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to work in the stores. It’s defensive decision. If the president decides to confiscate all guns, WalMart will have its own militia to protect the inventory.
President Obama issued two dozen executive orders to try to curb gun violence. It could affect the Super Bowl. The president banned the pistol offense, the shotgun formation, the bullet pass, the long bomb and any quarterback with a rifle arm.
President Obama was sworn into office in a White House ceremony Sunday. His first term legacy is there for the world to see. President Obama killed Osama bin Laden, he killed Anwar al-Awlaki, he killed Momar Kadafi and he provided health care for everybody.
President Obama didn’t mention foreign policy in his Inaugural Address on Monday despite the War on Terror. He’s on the warpath against gun use. The only concession that he made to the National Rifle Association was that he allowed his wife to wear bangs.
President Obama spelled out a liberal vision of America in his Inaugural Monday. He embraced gay rights. climate change and big government. His slogan was Forward, which used to be Toyota’s slogan, although they didn’t tell us that the brakes had gone out.
USA Today chided President Obama Tuesday for appointing white males to fill all his new cabinet post openings. The newspaper really took him to task. The president wrote a letter to the editor explaining that rich white men are in danger of extinction and if he doesn’t create a protected habitat for them, there will be no one to pay for the government.
President Obama’s inauguration got record-low TV ratings with only seven million Americans viewing the speech. The administration was able to explain the low numbers. The Democrats say it was Martin Luther King Day and everyone was at work.
The Washington D.C. City Council ordered the police to set up prostitution-free zones in certain city blocks near the Inaugural Day activities. You can’t make it up. Washington is so corrupt we just rope off areas where people actually follow the law.
Hillary Clinton dodged questions in Congress while testifying about the Libya attack Wednesday. They never laid a glove on her. Hillary started her political career on the Watergate Special Committee and she took good notes on where Nixon made his mistakes.
Hillary Clinton refused on Wednesday to completely negate the White House tale that the Benghazi attack was a spontaneous mob reaction to a film that ridicules Muslims. The story doesn’t add up. The attack was in September and Argo didn’t open until October.
McDonald’s agreed to pay seven hundred thousand dollars to Muslims in Detroit for falsely claiming its food was prepared according to Islamic dietary laws. It was just a little harmless lie. Ground beef is not made by slaughtering cattle with suicide bomb vests.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s ban on the sale of sugary drinks over sixteen ounces will go into effect in March unless challenges are upheld. On Tuesday, the NAACP ripped the large-soda ban as racist. Colas are brown and Mountain Dew is exempt.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton