The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Tiger Woods played golf with President Obama and afterwards praised his golf game at a press conference. That’s the consensus. Every PGA pro who’s played with President Obama says he’s a pretty good golfer for a guy who plays only seven days a week.
President Obama warned the nation’s governors meeting in Washington D.C. that the sequester cuts would cripple all government functions. He is not kidding. The cuts are so drastic they force President Obama to play nine holes a day instead of eighteen.
The White House said that President Obama’s salary would not be affected by the looming sequestration cuts. Congress quickly added that their pay is also unaffected. Their salaries are all protected under the Americans with No Abilities Act.
The White House warned of fewer public hospital procedures because of sequester cutting the budget. Don’t buy it. They warned it could reduce the number of breast exams and prostate exams but don’t worry, they’ll still be free at the nearest airport.
The White House warned that the sequestration cuts will force the FAA to fire air traffic controllers in April. It just never ends. Apparently President Obama got bored trying to be the next Abe Lincoln and he’s decided to be the next Ronald Reagan.
The Vatican ripped the media for trying to sway the papal elections this month. The liberals want the cardinals to elect a black guy from Ghana and the conservatives want the cardinals to elect an Italian. Joe Biden urged the liberals to go after the women voters.
Michelle Obama made two commercials with Sesame Street’s Big Bird in the White House kitchen to promote healthy eating. She had his full cooperation. Big Bird is anxious for you to know you’re not the only one whose life is shortened by fried chicken.
Daniel Day Lewis won the Oscar for Best Actor for Lincoln. However, Lincoln lost in the voting for Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Script, Best Director and Best Picture. All in all it was the second worst night Lincoln’s had in a theater.
Michelle Obama was a surprise presenter at the Oscars Sunday and handed the Best Picture Oscar to Argo. It’s a true story of a successful rescue mission of State Department people trapped in a besieged embassy in the Muslim world. Those who cannot do, present.
University Of Maryland researchers completed a new study detailing the differences between men’s and women’s brains. They discovered a chemical inside women’s brains that cause them to talk three times more than men talk. The chemical is called a margarita.
Colorado lawmakers repealed a hundred-year-old state law that makes it a crime for married people to commit adultery. That’s a relief. The old law came to light six months ago and ever since they haven’t been able to recruit anyone to run for public office.
The Titanic II went under construction in an Australian shipyard. It sails in two years. They’re trying to time the completion of the ship with the disappearance of the icebergs, but global warming scientists can’t agree on how fast the glaciers are melting.
Illinois Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. faces sentencing and imprisonment this week after he pleaded guilty in federal court in Chicago to campaign finance fraud. Oh well, that’s politics for you. One week you’re on the cover of Time, the next week you’re doing it.
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