The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Wall Street celebrated as the Dow Jones hit the highest level in history. The brokers credit Obama. Wall Streeters still think President Obama is a capitalist-hating socialist bent on destroying free enterprise, but he is so bad at it, he’s the toast of the town.
The Griffith Observatory was packed with stargazers who wanted to watch the comet flash closely by the earth. There’s been unusual activity in the heavens this month. Afghans looking up in the sky never know if it’s a comet, a drone or a North Korean misfire.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg introduced a Facebook news feed. It allows everyone to publish their own personal newspaper. Media experts agree this could revolutionize the way people show pictures of themselves going to the dry cleaners.
John McCain called Rand Paul wacko for his filibuster against drones. They’re both GOP. John’s jealous because Rand went thirteen hours without going to the bathroom, and McCain’s up six times a night and has a seat in the Senate that’s close to the door.
Bill Clinton wrote a piece saying he’s changed his mind on same-sex marriage since he signed the Defense of Marriage Act as president. No one expects him to be consistent. To be fair, when Bill Clinton was president he was opposed to his own marriage.
President Obama enjoyed steak and potatoes with twelve GOP senators at a highly-publicized dinner at the Jefferson Hotel’s four-star restaurant. Sometimes you feel for the guy. President Obama has to pretend that he’s a fair-minded leader who’s willing to seek bi-partisan solutions just to escape Michelle’s healthy menus for one night.
The White House shut down the mansion tours to keep from laying off Secret Service agents. They’re stretched thin. The Secret Service has two important jobs, to protect the president and to have as much fun as possible between midnight and six in the morning.
President Obama’s half-brother Obong'o Obama was crushed in his bid to be elected governor of his province in Kenya. The Associated Press reported that exit polls gave him one percent of the vote. It’s always tough to be the white sheep of the family.
The London Mail reports Beyonce and Adele will headline Michelle Obama’s fiftieth birthday bash. It’s next January. She had booked Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones, but under the sequestration cuts, she couldn’t have any performers who were on Medicare.
House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan introduced a GOP bill that’ll balance the federal budget. The party divide is clear. Generally speaking Republicans hate the idea of new legislation while Democrats don’t care what’s contained in a bill, as long as it’s mandatory.
Harvard researchers found a chemical in red wine that greatly increases the average life span. It doesn’t solve the problem. Life expectancy in the U.S. is seventy-eight years, but the average age a person has to work before they can afford to retire is seventy-nine years.
Michelle Obama’s financial statements were hacked on Equifax this week along with the credit rating of other public figures. It’s revealing to see her personal checkbook. It turns out she’s sixteen trillion dollars in debt and that doesn’t count the last two vacations.
Detroit’s former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was found guilty of massive corruption in his trial in Michigan. The judge really threw the book at him. After a long and harsh lecture, he sentenced Kwame Kilpatrick to two more terms as Mayor of Detroit.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton