The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
Mayor Bloomberg’s ban on the sale of sugary drinks over sixteen ounces was struck down by a New York judge. There’s no way they could enforce it. It’s not like the U.S. govenment has thousands of aircraft flying overhead recording everything you do on camera.
North Korea’s Kim Jung Un announced he shredded the sixty-year-old truce that ended the Korean War. The dictator is extremely defensive about his country’s backwardness. It did not help when he noticed that the shredder was made in South Korea.
North Korea’s military was mobilized following Kim Jong Il’s tearing up of the treaty that ended the Korean War. The sabers are rattling. The next day, in a solemn ceremony, Kim Jung Un was promoted to North Korea’s highest military rank, five-foot-two.
President Obama flew to Chicago to praise the Argonne Laboratory for its work on electric cars. It was a busy day for the president. Before leaving Washington D.C. he awarded the Purple Heart medal to a plumber who’d just returned from a Carnival Cruise.
Tiger Woods confirmed he and Olympic skier Lindsay Vonn are dating. The two have a mutual interest in skiing. Lindsay Vonn is a seven-time world champion, and three Thanksgivings ago, Tiger Woods set a new world’s record in the Men’s Downhill.
Joe Biden flew to Rome to attend the inauguration of Pope Francis in Vatican City along with representatives from a hundred nations. The poor guy. People looked everywhere for him but he was out at the cemetery waiting for the pope’s funeral to start.
Hillary Clinton reversed herself and came out in favor of same-sex marriage. Her endorsement could scare gays out of getting married. They’re liable to think if they marry they can’t get divorced no matter how great the degree of public humiliation.
Anthony Weiner was reported mulling a run for N.Y. Mayor. He quit Congress after texting crotch photos of himself to women. The only reason Hillary has a chance of becoming president is because Bill didn’t have a cell phone camera when he was president.
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg appealed a judge’s ruling against his ban on large sugary drinks in Manhattan. He’s restricted alcohol, cigarettes and even baby formula. Mayor Mike Bloomberg believes that life is like a box of chocolates, and you can’t have any.
Cyprus agreed to seize ten percent of the money in all Cyprus bank accounts to avoid bankruptcy. It’s an outrageous seizure of private property. The White House issued a statement immediately saying that President Obama is always looking for fresh new ideas.
The U.S. Senate tried to save the Senate barber shop from being eliminated in the new budget bill. Critics note the Senate barber shop lost three hundred and fifty thousand dollars last year. That makes it the most profitable agency in the U.S. government.
President Obama filled out his bracket card for the NCAA basketball tournament this week. ESPN had to analyze his selections by four o'clock. Whenever the president is picking winners and losers, investors have to scamper to sell before the market closes.
President Obama’s limo wouldn’t start at Ben Gurion Airport after they rolled it off the U.S. transport plane. It turns out the Israeli ground crew filled it up with the wrong type of fuel and it wouldn’t start. They filled the tank with water instead of wine.
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