From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

Bill Clinton spoke at the Bush Library opening. He joked that he’s so close to the Bushes he’s become the black sheep son of the family. It wasn’t enough for Bill Clinton to be the first black U.S. president, now he has to be the first black in the Bush family.

Russia’s intelligence agency said it warned the CIA last year about Boston bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s terrorist associations while in Russia. Now Congress wants to toughen the no-fly list. Asking the terrorists to be on the honor system hasn’t been working.

Russia’s security service confirmed it warned Homeland Security about Boston bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev ahead of time. The Chechen terrorist didn’t show up in the database as a threat. He was not a card-carrying member of the Tea Party or the NRA.

Janet Napolitano was grilled in Congress after Homeland Security ignored warnings about Tamerlan Tsarnaev. It was all there. You might suspect a political asylum seeker is a foreign-trained terrorist if after he’s granted asylum, he goes back home for six months.

The Federal Reserve Bank in Washington D.C. introduced the new one-hundred-dollar bill complete with Ben Franklin’s portrait on it plus dozens of new security features. It was time to bring out a new one-hundred-dollar bill. China’s got all the old ones.

Congress voted overwhelmingly to end air traffic controller furloughs that delayed flights. The Senate passed it and the House passed it. The nation made it clear that getting from Point A to Point B is so important that we’ll just have to get out of debt two days later.

The GAO issued a report saying President Obama spent twice as much time playing golf and vacationing as he did attending meetings on the economy. There’s been some improvement. The economy is stalled but the president is regularly breaking eighty.

Bill Clinton released a statement saluting NBA player Jason Collins for coming out as gay. The media ate it up. Being a Democrat means believing Jason Collins’s sex life is everybody’s business while insisting that Bill Clinton’s sex life was nobody’s business.

The Boston Herald said the Tsarnaev family receved one hundred thousand dollars in welfare in cash, food stamps and subsidized housing. The Tsarnaevs ruined it for everybody. Deserving families can no longer use their EBT cards for fertilizer and fuses.

The Justice Department told Americans not to profile Muslims after radical Islamists bombed Boston. The administration keeps radical Islamists shielded behind political correctness. It is simply racist to single them out as long as they don’t use assault weapons.

President Obama said he’s going to try to close down Guantanamo prison in Cuba. He admitted he’s not sure how. The best idea is to declare Gitmo a small business and require it to comply with ObamaCare, and in six months it will be a Goodwill Thrift Shop.

Mexico’s government said it will ask President Obama for more legal jobs for Mexicans going to America and fewer deportations. They have a willing partner. President Obama is in Mexico to celebrate his favorite annual holiday, Sinko de Economy.

The White House said it won’t silence any Benghazi attack victims from testifying in Congress. They were attacked by al-Qaeda and the White House called it a spontaneous protest against an anti-Muslim film. We all kidded George W. Bush’s inability to pronounce nuclear, but every time Barack Obama tries to say Islamic radicals he pronounces it NRA.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store