From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

The U.N. released a report saying Mexico has replaced the U.S. as the world’s most obese nation. Seventy percent of them are obese. Last night the Border Patrol pulled over a motor home on the San Diego Freeway and it was packed with two Mexicans.

Food experts blamed Mexican obesity on McDonald’s, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Hey, the population of Mexico knew when they decided to move to the United States it wasn’t going to be risk-free.

NSA whistleblower Ed Snowden revealed the NSA monitors your calls and reads your messages, tracks your whereabouts and learns everything about you. That’s just wrong. Nowhere in the Constitution is the federal government given the same power as Facebook.

Attorney General Eric Holder ripped Florida’s stand-your-ground law. He said anyone who is confronted by violence should be encouraged to retreat safely. Before entering law school Eric Holder was a drill instructor for the French Foreign Legion.

Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano announced she’ll resign her post in September. She’s literally a force of nature. Last year the updraft from all the Mexicans she’s allowed into this country collided with the downdraft from all the Mexicans she’s deported from this country and created sandstorms that blotted out the sun over Phoenix.

U.S. immigration officials said they are flying illegal aliens deep into Southern Mexico so they face a longer trip up to the U.S. It’s ingenious. Once they can navigate their way through hundreds of miles of jungle, steaming oil fields, hot deserts and mineral rich mountains the U.S. Army will only have to train them to shoot for their eventual citizenship.

The U.S. government reported a one hundred twenty billion dollar budget surplus in June. This along with the recent surge on Wall Street, Big Banks, Big Coal cotton prices, and Big Oil. About all President Obama can say about it is that summer colds are the worst.

Journal Lancet warned that sitting on a couch and doing nothing is as dangerous to your health as smoking or obesity. They said doing nothing can kill you. That’s silly, if inactivity could kill you, the floor of the U.S. Congress would be littered with dead bodies.

Eliot Spitzer took a big lead in the polls over his madam running against him for city comptroller. New Yorkers have a clear choice. Who do you want with the city’s money, the guy who paid four grand per hooker or the woman who collects four grand per hooker.

Dick Cheney’s daughter Liz Cheney declared that she will run for U.S. Senate next year in Wyoming. She’s a conservative superstar. Family friends say Liz Cheney has her father’s heart, but then everybody with a GE battery-powered alarm clock has her father’s heart.

President Obama visited a second-grade class in Washington D.C. and he told the children his favorite food is broccoli. They believed him. Then he assured them that the NSA doesn’t spy on American citizens and they just fell out of their chairs laughing.

The Department of Justice set up a website for people to post any evidence of racist behavior by George Zimmerman. He’s mentored black kids, lobbied for a black crime defendant and partnered in business with a black man. George Zimmerman did refuse to meet with the Klan, so the Justice Department might be able to prove racial bias after all.

Teamsters chief James Hoffa slammed ObamaCare as a disaster for labor unions and their gold-plated health care plans. No one wants it. The very mention of Hoffa’s name made the White House wish ObamaCare would just go away and disappear without a trace.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store