The Patriot Post® · The Overrated Art of Diplomacy

Liberals like to say that war is the result of people’s failure to utilize diplomacy. I think the truth of the matter is that diplomacy is the coward’s attempt to delay the inevitability of war.

I’m not saying that war has never been averted by the two sides sitting down to swap lies, but I haven’t been able to come up with a single example. Chamberlain went umbrella in hand to convince Hitler to be a good fellow. The Japanese were in Washington trying to soft soap FDR at the same time that their Zeros were bombing our naval fleet at Pearl Harbor.

More recently, the world has held one meeting after another with Iran in the hope of convincing the Ayatollah and the mullahs to cancel their nuclear program. In the meantime, Iran builds additional centrifuges.

Generations of Americans raised on westerns knew that the answer to bad guys was hot lead and plenty of it. But with the passing of time, parents started raising wimps who, when they misbehaved, didn’t get a swat on their butt, but merely a time-out. That involved being sent to their rooms, which, more often than not, resembled a Toys R Us outlet.

Barack Obama, came into office foolishly insisting that he would make all the nations of the world like us. Being a big jerk, he assumed that between foreign aid and his own personality, he would even have our enemies eating out of our hand. Well, we’ve had five years in which to watch the charmer work his wiles. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that we are liked even less now than we were prior to 2009. Individuals can have friends, but nations only have allies or enemies. When your allies no longer trust you and your enemies no longer fear you, you are not only up the creek without a paddle, but your canoe has a hole in it.

Even compared to run-of-the-mill diplomats, Obama runs a distant last. While in Ireland for the G8 conference, our idiot-in-chief disparaged Catholics by insisting that their parochial schools encouraged segregation, while ignoring the major role that Catholic educators played in bringing an end to the war between Catholics and Protestants.

Not one to rest on his laurels, Obama called British finance minister George Osborne “Jeffrey” not once, but three times. When his gaffe was finally pointed out to him, he explained, “I’m sorry, man. I must have confused you with my favorite R&B singer.” It was a natural enough mistake to make. After all, George Osborne is a 42-year-old white Brit and Jeffrey Osborne is a 65-year-old black American.

When I say “a natural enough mistake to make,” I’m referring to natural for this arrogant putz.

I’m not alone in regarding diplomacy as a foolish waste of time. The only worthwhile thing about it is that it provides careers for all those nerds at the State Department who would otherwise be loitering at freeway off-ramps cadging for spare change.

But don’t just take my word for it. Others have weighed in on the subject.

Churchill cracked, “Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.”

Teddy Roosevelt observed, “If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

John Kenneth Galbraith said, “There are few ironclad rules of diplomacy, but to one there is no exception. When an official reports that talks were useful, it can be safely concluded that nothing was accomplished.”

Ambrose Bierce cynically opined, “Diplomacy is the patriotic act of lying for one’s country.”

Jim Butcher said, “Our idea of diplomacy is showing up with a gun in one hand and a sandwich in the other and asking which they’d prefer.”

Or, as Jocelyn Murray put it: “What good is a smooth tongue without sharp teeth?”

Daniel Pipes summed it up this way: “Diplomacy in general does not resolve conflicts. Wars end not due to peace processes, but due to one side giving up.”

Will Rogers, the sage of Oklahoma, noted that “Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie, nice doggie,’ until you can find a rock.”

All I know is that if anyone really expected results when diplomats congregate, the freeloaders would not be meeting over fancy meals in London, Paris, Brussels, Geneva and the cushy dining room at the U.N.

Instead, they would be forced to gather at the North Pole, and ordered to pack light.

Author’s Note: Although I’m still seeking sponsors, my online radio show is on the air, every Wednesday, at 1 p.m. That’s L.A. time. Access www.latalkradio.com, channel 1, and click on Listen Live. You can also download to your iPhone or Android apps. The call-in number is (323)203-0815. I’d like to hear your questions and comments, pro or con. Especially pro.