The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
The White House announced Gloria Steinem and Bill Clinton will receive the Medal of Freedom. Don’t miss the ceremony. Gloria Steinem will recall her forty-year crusade asserting that women are more than sex objects, then Bill Clinton will deliver the rebuttal.
President Obama is vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard in a different house than the one where he’s stayed the past four years. That one was rented to an English family. He had to find another place to stay after his Fair Housing complaint was rejected by a judge.
President Obama had dog Bo flown up to Martha’s Vineyard. The dog was a gift from Teddy Kennedy. The locals always said it was never officially summer on Martha’s Vineyard until Teddy had driven into three or four parking meters in Edgartown.
Californians were furious over test scores that show drastic drops in student test scores in English and math. The opinion of the education establishment is unanimous. The only thing that will solve this problem is a twenty percent bump in teachers’ pensions.
President Obama met Greece’s prime minister at the White House. They had a nice exchange. He gave Greece advice on how to save their economy and Greece gave him advice on how to make a tourist destination out of the ruins of your former civilization.
Attorney General Eric Holder told the ABA that the DOJ will no longer tell D.A.‘s about the prior arrests of drug suspects. It’s so they can avoid mandatory prison sentences. At least one branch of the government isn’t going to hand out free housing and health care.
Missouri’s State Fair banned a rodeo clown for life who wore a Barack Obama mask while a bull chased him around the arena. It’s a popular disguise. Robbers often walk into bank lobbies wearing a Barack Obama mask, only they give the teller a trillion dollars.
Manhattan’s Stop and Frisk law was ruled unconstitutional by a Manhattan federal judge. The judge cited stats proving that New York cops were mostly patting down blacks and Hispanics. The low crime rate allowed New Yorkers to judge Paula Deen with a clear head.
The U.S. and Britain were reported weighing a peaceful exit strategy in Afghanistan. We may offer a half billion dollars to create jobs for the Taliban if they agree to lay down their arms. If it works there, we’ll offer the same deal to the NFL Players Union.
Another America hit the bookstores, revealing that the freed American slaves who went back to Liberia took slaves themselves after settling in Africa. It’s jarring. Maybe it will prove to racists once and for all that under the skin we’re all exactly the same.
Asiana Airlines offered each passenger on last month’s plane that crash-landed in San Francisco Airport ten thousand dollars. It came in too slowly and belly-flopped. The most amazing part of the story is the pilot landed the airplane without spilling his cocktail.
Mexico’s President Enrique Pena Nieto proposed a plan to allow foreign oil companies to take part in Mexico’s state-run oil company. They want us down there to increase overall business. Mexican kidnappers are working with flash cards so they can instantly tell the difference between an oil worker and an oil executive, so we don’t waste each other’s time.
Michelle Obama will appear in a rap video that urges minorities to eat well and start exercising by using a bouncy hip-hop song. It’s not for everybody. In a clumsy attempt to expand his appeal, Joe Biden just released a hip-hop album called Plain White Wrapper.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton