The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store

By Argus Hamilton ·
https://patriotpost.us/opinion/20057-from-the-comedy-store-2013-09-14

President Obama made the case for a brief bombing campaign with limited targeting of chemical storage facilities in Syria. He made a campaign promise to have the most transparent administration ever. That starts with revealing our battle plans ahead of time.

Teresa Heinz Kerry sat behind John Kerry as he testified in Congress. John married Teresa six months after her billionaire husband Senator John Heinz died in a plane crash. These are the kind of reflexes we need in a man in charge of U.S. foreign policy.

President Obama canceled a fundraiser in Hollywood last week to lobby Congress to approve his Syria attack. Think of the money the president could have raised. Barack Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize would have been the funniest gag gift anybody ever auctioned.

President Obama said in Russia he was encouraged by talks with other world leaders about the situation in Syria. You know it’s bad when your only supporters are the French. The best guess is, they figured we will need the help producing the white flag.

President Obama flew home from Russia after a contentious Group of Twenty summit in St. Petersburg. Before leaving he had a half-hour meeting with Russia’s President Vladimir Putin which did not turn out well. President Obama was denied asylum.

President Obama jousted with Vladimir Putin over an attack on Syria. There’s really no need to drop bombs. If President Obama really wanted to destroy Syria, he’d drop his economic advisors on the country and in six weeks we’d have them on their knees.

President Obama agreed to weigh Russia’s proposal to save Syria from U.S. attack. it sounds reasonable. Under the plan, Syria hands over its chemical weapons to international control and Barack Obama gives over his Nobel Peace prize to Vladimir Putin.

President Obama’s proposal to bomb Syria’s chemical and military sites drew outcries from the Vatican and protest marches in world capitals. Just how badly is this idea polling? People in Kenya are claiming that President Obama was born in the United States.

Kim Jung Un set out his three goals in a speech to North Koreans. His goal is to make North Korea an economic power, to make North Korea a nuclear power, and to grow a mustache. Of these three goals, the third is considered the most difficult to achieve.

Iran reported the highest traffic fatality rate in the world with twenty thousand deaths last year due to auto accidents. This information could save the Pentagon a lot of money. In case a general war breaks out there’d be no need to drop munitions on Iran, just Priuses.

Lance Armstrong was ordered by a Texas judge to answer questions as to who knew about his steroid use when he made millions. It’s demoralizing. The worst thing about Lance Armstrong is that the French can tell us we told you so for the rest of recorded time.

The White House announced unemployment is at its lowest level in five years if you don’t count the people who have given up looking for work. Nobody partied on the news. Most Americans just want to know when the Dollar Store is going to start selling gas.

Peyton Manning threw seven touchdown passes in the NFL season opener in a Denver win. He tied an NFL record. After the game President Obama telephoned the locker room and asked Peyton if his neck surgeon knows anything about foreign policy.

© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton