From The Comedy Store - The Patriot Post

President Obama traveled to suburban Maryland to give a speech pitching the benefits of ObamaCare to a cheering university crowd. The president has much in common with today’s college kids. They’re both in their fifth year and hopelessly in debt.

Apple reported selling nine million new iPhone Five smart phones their first week out. They’re made in China. Apple said the manufacturing cost of each iPhone is two hundred and forty-nine dollars, and when you add labor, it’s two hundred fifty dollars.

The U.S. Senate held hearings on ways to curtail the NSA. They’re really out of hand. Last week in a restaurant a little boy told President Obama that his daddy told him that the NSA spies on their family online, and Obama told the boy that’s not his daddy.

Bill O'Reilly went on CBS’s 60 Minutes to publicize his new book, Killing Jesus. Reviews were predictable. Nobody’s even read it yet, and already the Republicans love Killing Jesus and the Democrats say Bill O'Reilly should be arrested for threatening the president.

California park rangers found three hundred tons of pot growing in a forest guarded by bears. Now it all makes sense. Bears sleep three months a year, all you ever see them doing is rummaging through the trash looking for food, and their leader’s name is Smokey.

Al-Qaeda’s leader Ayman al-Zawahiri issued a videotaped statement online condemning U.S. industrial policy and blaming the U.S. for global warming. Even the U.S. blames the U.S. for global warming. Sounds like he wants to leave Al Qaeda and join Al Gore.

The U.S. government shut down Tuesday, laying off federal workers. The situation is dire. Roads won’t be repaired, home loans won’t get approved and bureaucrats will be unreachable by phone, and that’s if we can get the U.S. government up and running again.

President Obama refused to negotiate with Congress over the debt ceiling or the continuing budget resolution or any changes in Obamacare. Just last week, he was snubbed by the Syrians, the Iranians and the Russians. Every time the world refuses to negotiate with Americans, the president retaliates by refusing to negotiate with Americans.

President Obama stood his ground and told reporters he will not negotiate with Congress over the budget resolution. He then left the White House to play a round of golf. When he added up his score at the end of the round, he was sixteen trillion over par.

Mississippi vets arrived at the shut down World War II memorial on Capitol Hill and stormed through the barricades to enjoy the memorial Tuesday. The veterans had to sigh. Whether it’s Hitler, Tojo or the Park Police, the work never ends for some generations.

The EU Parliament agreed to take up illegal immigration in Europe. It’s so crazy. Last week an arriving German was asked by a French border guard his name, age and occupation and the German said his name is Fritz, he’s thirty, and no, he’s just visiting.

Hillary Clinton’s mini-series was axed by NBC the same day CNN cancelled its documentary on her. She doesn’t want the scrutiny. Hillary needs to play it close to the vest if she’s ever going to realize the Clinton dream of being a two-impeachment family.

Michelle Obama rolled out her new musical exercise program as part of her Healthy Eating Initiative for middle schools. She hopes to fight obesity through hip-hop. Everybody hopes it works better than her previous initiative, fighting marijuana through reggae.

The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store