The Patriot Post® · From The Comedy Store
President Obama went on TV to declare the U.S. government is open again after the House vote. He added Joe Biden would personally greet federal workers as they returned after being out of work for sixteen days. Haven’t these people suffered enough?
President Obama spoke to a White House press conference after Congress spared ObamaCare. He spelled out the New World Order very explicitly. You must now buy the insurance you don’t want from a website that doesn’t work or the IRS will fine you.
President Obama urged Congress to work together in a bipartisan way to get things done. However cooperation is just not in their DNA . By and large Republicans hate new legislation, while Democrats don’t care what’s in a bill, as long as it’s mandatory.
Congress was hit by its lowest job approval ratings in history after they voted to end the three-week U.S. government shutdown. The members were paid during the entire shutdown. Their salaries are guaranteed under The Americans with No Abilities Act.
White House gardeners returned to work to find squirrels ate up Michelle Obama’s Healthy Eating garden during the shutdown. Now it all makes sense. This could be the first shutdown ever engineered by a president so he could enjoy pork ribs for sixteen days.
USA Today reported a huge increase in medical school enrollments this year. Do the math. You take four years of college, add four years of medical school and three years of residency, it’s still faster than waiting online for ObamaCare, plus you get to treat yourself.
The ObamaCare website asked applicants about their diet, exercise regimen, sexual habits and drinking habits on the application form. It’s personal but necessary. They cross-check your answers with the NSA to make sure it’s really you applying for Obamacare.
The White House press secretary fumed when a reporter compared the ObamaCare rollout to the Hindenburg. That’s a really unfair comparison. The Hindenburg, after all, had a swastika on its tail wing, and so far ObamaCare only fines you for disobeying orders.
President Obama was singing the praises of ObamaCare in the Rose Garden when a pregnant woman standing behind him fainted. The president personally caught her and held her until she was able to regain her breath. Now that’s the Platinum Package.
Los Angeles was named America’s most racially diverse city by NBC News. It doesn’t assume harmony. At Vons grocery store downtown, the sign over one aisle reads Asian Food, Hispanic Food and Crackers and you need a prison guard to keep order on that aisle.
Muslim clerics in Saudi Arabia issued an edict against groups that oppose Saudi laws requiring all women to remain covered up whenever they’re in public. Saudis don’t think at all like Westerners. In California for instance we cover up our oil and expose our women.
California state senator Gavin Newsom began writing a state ballot proposition to legalize marijuana in California. All these new lifestyle laws are leaving people cross-eyed. Last night in Manhattan, police let a guy go for having less than twenty-five grams of marijuana on him and they arrested him for having more than sixteen ounces of Coca-Cola.
Mexico’s government condemned the NSA for reading e-mails and monitoring phone calls of Mexicans in Mexico. This is way over the line. It’s bad enough that the NSA is spying on Americans, now they are spying on people before they become Americans.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton